GIF is not mine! Credit to the owner!!

Himchan stormed off of Joel's Lounge. His mind kept on repeating whether he left a paper at his dorm. If he did, he was sure, a few of s had already read it, but if there was no letter left at his dorm?

"Wait! Sir!" someone shouted. Himchan turned his head as someone tapped his shoulder. 

"May I help you... Gikwang-ssi?" He offered and stole a brief glance at the person's nameplate. Gikwang was a co-worker at Joel's Lounge. 

"I think, I might help you." Gikwang rummaged a box full of papers. As he found, what he was searching for, he smiled widely. "Here you go."

Himchan took a lavender blue envelope from him and raised his brows. "For me?"

Gikwang nodded. "Last month a young girl gave this to me. She told me to give it to a man who asks for 1/3 chocolate, mango and vanilla and pays double."

Himchan and Gikwang bowed to each other. Then Gikwang ran back to the lounge while Himchan unpacked the envelope.

Did you go to the stations? Wah… I’m happy.

"Yejin," he muttered.

Don’t worry, we’re not finish yet.

Station 3:

The Bridge over Han River (the only one with three street lamps)

Himchan closed his eyes and took a deep breath before heading towards Han River. Since it stopped snowing, Himchan didn't need to protect the paper. 

Before I continue, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas!!!

I don’t know when you will start reading this, but I just guess it will be around Christmas.

Last year we’ve celebrated Christmas together on the 1^st of January, due to your training. Although I knew the debut is very important to you I was slightly disappointed. But I’ve learned that the enjoyment will get better after not seeing you for a long time.

Himchan clenched his teeth. In fact, he was very busy during the period. And he has noticed his girlfriends sad laugh, when he had to delay their meeting. "I should've known. I should've spent more time with you." 

Sadly, this day wasn’t that joyful to me, because I got caught by a nurse as I snuggled out from the hospital, I was staying in. Yes, I had to stay at the hospital. Sorry for not telling you this, I just avoided your question and pretended, as if everything was fine. 

"I knew something was wrong with you," Himchan whispered under his breath. He arrived at the place Yejin asked him to go and stood still under a street lamp on the side of the bridge. 

I still remember the concerned look in your eyes, as I told you I was fine. You knew I was lying, but you didn’t ask any further. I’m very grateful about that, Channie. I didn’t want you to suffer.

Himchan bit his lips. He still knew the words they've been saying that day.

"Are you really fine?"

"I have never felt better than today!"

For me, lying to you was the best decision I could think of. But I didn't lie as I said that day was a great day. I could see you again. I could hug you again.

My doctor said I would die between February and March, he did, but I couldn’t resist meeting you. When was the last time we saw each other? Days? Weeks? Months? Every second without you feels like a hundred years. I longed for you. I needed you.

With the help of your sister, I was able to escape from the hospital. It was my idea, don’t blame it on her.

Himchan let out a bitter laugh. Once again he tried to held back his tears and put the back of his hand underneath the tip of his nose. "You're so dead, noona."

We finally celebrate Christmas together! And then your phone rang. You're manager ordered you to come back to practice. The minute after you apologized to me for about a 100 times, I saw you ran through the asphalt street with your back facing me. I’ve cried a while before making my way to the hospital.

Why didn't you tell me, Idiot?? I could have canceled my practice! I could have... I could have... stayed with you... 

Two weeks passed and I’ve called you, so we could meet. Right, our last meeting.

Station 4:

The Playground near Seoul’s hospital

From the bridge to the playground are 2 minutes needed.

Himchan sighed and searched for the direction he should go to. That place was the last place he wanted to go to. Their last painful memory lasted in that place and he's afraid he couldn't prevent his tears from falling any longer. Unwillingly he went to the playground with a heavy heart. 

Where to start? My family wanted me to go to New Jersey, because my whole family lives there. Grandparents, uncles, aunts… They were aware of my upcoming death. I called you, so I can break up with you.

"Break up with me, huh?" Soon Himchan saw a mini slide. He approached the stair and sat down on the bottom stair tread.

The day the met for the last time, Himchan had a feeling something was fishy. Yejin was there before him, but she didn't greet him with a kiss, she held him longer than usual and didn't show him her famous cheerful smile.  

"Are you alright?" Himchan asked with a frown.

Yejin slightly smiled at him and threw her face away. "We need to brake up."

"W-what?" 

"I love you, but we have to break up."

"Why?"

Yejin heaved a sigh. Tears were forming in her eyes. "I-I have cancer."

"What?" He asked again until he comprehend what she said. "You have cancer?"

Yejin nodded. She bit her lips to stopped herself from crying.

"Since when? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in a hospital? What if-" Himchan was cut by Yejin with a smile on her face. 

"Three years ago. Don't worry about me, please. Everything's okay." 

"Okay?! What are you talking about??" Himchan furiously shook Yejin's shoulder. "Why didn't you tell it to me earlier?"

Yejin sobbed and gave Himchan a passionate kiss on his lips. He felt her warm lips on his and pulled her closer to him. His arms fell on her waist and Yejin slung her arms around his neck. Yejin was crying hardly, but Himchan didn't want to let go. Himchan felt as if by kissing his Love, he won't lose her, that he could soak all the pain away from her.

"I will fly to New Jersey. This is our last goodbye..."

It was terrible.

I felt terrible.

As soon as I left, I packed my stuff and drove to the airport. My mind wasn’t functioning, I could only think about you. My chest felt heavy, and tears streamed down on my face.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

I was crying when I was kilometers away from the ground, I was crying when my parents picked me up, I was crying when I arrived at my house. I was crying nonstop.

I had to leave you with so many questions. I am so sorry… I know I’m a coward…

All I can do now is begging for your forgiveness, for your understanding. It was hard for me too. I made a big mistake by letting you go.

Himchan loosened his grip on the letter. The words she's been writing was hurtful to him. He should have been more concerned about her. He should have taken care of her better. He should have show her more how much he loves her. 

"AAARRGGGHHH!!!" He shouted to let out his frustration. His feet dragged him to the middle of the playground. To made it worse, it snowed heavily again.

He threw the letter on the ground together with his rucksack. The words of her pleading him to forgive her... the lifeless eyes of her as she left him... 

"Why... why... WHY?" Himchan let his anger out at his rucksack and kicked at it furiously. He sobbed between his endless tears. His heart was stabbed rudely. It was stabbed by the reality. 

The reality of him being a bad boyfriend, a clueless and worthless boyfriend, that's what he thought. The snow falling on his dark hair felt heavier than ever. As Yejin broke up with him, he didn't cry, but now he was crying like a baby longing for its mother love. 

Everything was getting blurry to him and he couldn't move. He lost the control his legs, so that he ended up lying on the snowed bed. 

"Yejin..." he cried his heart out, not minding if somebody might see him and spread rumors. He cursed himself for being so ignorant to Yejin. In the end he was sure he was an ignorant boyfriend. Although he had asked Yejin how she was, he had never noticed her empty gaze, when he didn't pay attention at her and watch movies instead. "It's all my fault. I should be the one who's sorry."

He sobbed again and let the tears pour down without mercy. His whole body felt numb in that temperature, but he didn't care. He deserved suffering. 

Himchan tried to catch the letter which he threw before. It was hard for him, since his hands were freezing cold like an icicle. 

I love you. I love you so, so much.

Maybe if I stop breathing for a second, I could give you a  short visit?

With that he smiled and closed his eyes.

Maybe...

A/N: How was this? I'm bad at writing sad stories, I hope it was sad enough... Do you have some tips for me?