I just wanted to stay here, watching while he sleeps. His chest barely moving. The beating of his heart is more precious to me than my own heart.

I tried to trick myself, I told my mirror "Yoochun, you're wrong, you just love his feminine look". I wanted to convince myself that it was his smile that made me smile. I heard him singing in my small recorder, every night before bed, it just calmed my heart.

And every night I was crying late into the night, sometimes jealous, or just scared. He can’t be mine, he's just my friend.

Sometimes I hate this life..

Sometimes I love being myself. Because I'm his best friend, I can be by his side, always. When he is so sweet and his body warm by alcohol, and declarations of love he whispers into my ear… I know it is alcohol talking, and it hurts me.

And he is everything to me.

His lovely smile. His soft skin. His sweet voice.

He is my best friend.

Jaejoong fell asleep after crying for so long. He says he misses Yunho, he says he misses Changmin. And my heart bleeds. My heart aches, I miss the guys too, and see Jaejoong crying .. this is the worst feeling in the world.

He is my best friend.

I love his silly smile. And I love the way he shows his affection, his love. And he's so honest.

And he kisses me. His soft lips.. He's so pretty, I hold him tight, and he whispers in my ear "I love you", and I know it's the booze talking. It hurts me, but it fills my heart with love, and I still here, carrying this fool love, that as the world weighs on my shoulders. And it hurts. I whispered to him, smiling "I love you too, hyung," but I wanted to cry.

And we kissed.

He looked so sad.

He is my best friend.

And I'm here, watching him sleep, like I was his guardian angel. I'll take care of it, and tomorrow, after the hangover, I'll be by his side, I will make him smile when he is cooking for us.

But when he kissed me tonight, I was all for him, his world, even if he was drunk.

Jaejoong's asleep in my arms, and for a moment he was mine.. only mine.