Chapter 7.

Jonghyun couldn’t remember a time being so confused. The constant turning in his stomach was nerve-wracking, and he just wanted it to stop. There was so much going on at that moment that he couldn’t sort it out, that he couldn’t breathe without feeling like he was going to go crazy.

He could feel Rinka’s hesitance to be around him, and he knew he had been rather…Snappy, but he couldn’t bring himself to be sorry. Half of this was her fault in the first place.

Jonghyun had never hated. Dislike, most definitely, but hated? Never in his life. But he hated her and that feeling alone was enough to make him so very uncomfortable. The worst part about that fact is that he knew that if it weren’t for the circumstances, Rinka would be the kind of girl he would constantly want around.

The end of everything.

And then there was that. What in world could that even mean?

The words flashed through his mind so often now that it was as if they were tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, reminding him in vivid colors every time he closed his eyes.

He wanted to rip his hair out.

He tried to keep away from the thoughts that told him that his troubles had only started up when Rinka had come into his life, because really, he was a First. And problems like these had arisen before he was even born. Despite this knowledge, he just wanted someone to blame. No, maybe that wasn’t right. He just wanted someone…To understand.

xXx

Jonghyun was gently shaken awake by Bell, one of the few he trusted well enough to touch him.

"My lord, your mother wants the family to spend the day with Miss Rinka's. Dress quickly!" The maid slipped out as Jonghyun attempted to comprehend what she just said. The first word he registered was Rinka. He cursed at the sudden flood of confused emotions. Why today? Couldn’t he just get one day to sort out his feelings before dealing with her again? Was that really too much to ask?

His throat constricted painfully, and he couldn’t trust himself to even make a noise, for fear he would shatter into pieces on his bedroom floor. He hauled himself out of bed with a choked groan, struggling to pull himself up. He cracked his back, slumping over a bit as he walked to his dresser to pick out the days clothes.

He made his way to his bathroom, his steps lagging and heavy, feeling a zing of odd pleasure run through him when he stepped onto the cool tile, which he embraced with a comforted sigh. He set his clothes down on the counter and ran a bath, pulling off his pajamas in favor of sinking into the steaming water. He knew where the moisture that still lingered in his eyes was from, but he favored blaming it on the rising heat.

A sigh left his lips and he closed his eyes tightly, sinking until only the top half of his face remained outside of the water.

I can’t breathe.

xXx

His mother had not questioned his lack of enthusiasm of the trip to Rinka’s, only occasionally asking him trivial questions (how he slept, which he replied to with a smooth lie of fine, and if he’d fed recently), but otherwise leaving him to his own thoughts.

When they arrived, he helped her out of the car like a gentleman, though his mind was completely elsewhere. He had felt her, up the hill, hidden behind closed doors, as soon as he had exited the car, and even that fact had made him shiver nervously.

She was so close and yet so far away. He couldn’t stand it.

As they trekked up the hill, he let the lightest of thoughts whisper around his mind…If only we had the freedom to decide.

xXx

He’d screwed himself over. He’d done so much thinking, he’d stressed out so much, that it scared him to be near her now.

Just to be in the same room with her made him sick to his stomach.

This was not him.

This was not how he acted.

He was Kim Jonghyun.

But she was Tekarimoto Rinka and apparently that completely nullified his Kim Jonghyun.

xXx

SHORT CHAPTER IS SHORT AND I TOTALLY MEANT FOR THIS TO BE BLUE FONT BUT THIS IS WAAAAAAAAAY COOLER.

Better. Anyhow. So, this is just to kind of clarify Jonghyun's feelings, as was asked by a reviewer. 

I've also decided not to put myself onto an update schedule because I'm not that kind of person. ALSO. Go check out my 2min story if you're into that pairing :)