I always knew; you didn’t have to tell me. Not even once. Your comfort was always enough, I could feel your love through it. Yes, it has been a year, but you should forget. Forget about the pain, the sorrow. It’s just painful memories keeping you here, let me go. I appreciate you saving me that day in the pool, I’m glad it wasn’t someone else. I’m laughing, well can you blame me, Chan Yeol’s sister was really something out of the ordinary, was she not?   

Release the pain Se Hun. I’m always with you, just look for me in your heart. You can’t stop living, I need you to live. I’m calling out for you Se Hun, every day. It’s still the same way as I said it before.

I’m here Se Hun. Don’t deny what has happened. Let it go, allow yourself to break down, forgive yourself, you never did anything wrong. If you won’t face me when we meet again, I will make you do so, whether you like it or not. I will make you see that nothing you did hurt me.

I’m not cold, but I’m trying to keep you warm. It’s hard though, since you won’t admit that I’m gone. I can see the snow, I’m not far away. And yes, I remember the day at the ice brink, but my nose wasn’t the only one red and frozen like a tomato, remember I called you Rudolph? I remember I really appreciated you not laughing at me; instead you reached out your hand and helped me.  

I’m always holding you, just like I used to. And I’m still whispering sweet secrets into your ear. Secrets only we know.

The world is cold Se Hun. It’s cold as ice. People fight, and some never make up again. Some stay angry forever, and that’s what fills the world with hate and in the end making it cold. We never fought, we only loved. Thus we felt warm to each other.  I never meant to leave. It happened all too quickly. There were so many things I still wanted to do, but please, don’t disappear anywhere. Stay.

I miss Chocolate, though I miss you more. I never meant to leave anyone behind. How does he remind you of me? Well like owner like dog I guess. I think he knows, I think he knows I’ll never come back. But in my opinion, he’s better off with you. Perhaps you should take him for a walk, try to make him forget. I’ll walk with you; he’ll probably see me though. Dogs have good eyes. Are you sure it would the dog breaking down or you?

I hate being apart from everyone. Though I’m still so close, I can’t do the things I used to. I know they’re busy, tell them I miss them, and that they don’t have to worry, I’m fine and I’ll always be a part of them. Just remind them to think of me in their hearts and I’ll be fine. I’m not far away, I’m always nearby.  

She sounds cute, the little girl. I don’t think she would understand that I wasn’t coming back even if you told her. I’ll receive that hug sometime, promise me you’ll remember. I’ll be her big brother if she wants me to, she sounds so innocent. I’ll protect her, let her have a long life.

I’m glad you didn’t destroy it and that you take such good care of my Rubik’s Cube. It’s worth a lot to me. It was like solving my mind eh? How so? Then my mind can’t be hard to solve, at least not for me. Oh My that was a good one.

Sleep in my bed all you want Se Hun. If it makes you feel closer to me, then that’s good. That it’s more comfortable is probably just an excuse right? I’m glad I left behind something that smells like me, I know it was important to you, my scent that is.

Don’t join me yet. Listen to the others, they would really miss you. I know it’s hard to cope Se Hun, but try. Try for my sake.

I know the letters we wrote like the inside of my own pockets. I think about them often. The salt taste in your mouth, I think you should think more about where it comes from. Doesn’t your cheek fell wet at all when the taste comes?

I never meant to leave so many things behind. You can have my things Se Hun. I don’t want anyone else to touch them, only you. Leave them as they are? Because I left them that way or? Do whatever you’d like with them Se Hun, you may dust them off if you’d like. I won’t be home till long.

Se Hun, I always knew how much you loved me. You always told me, not with words, but with your heart. The day you stood by my grave, it was never too late. I love you too.