❝chapter one; part one
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                                   PAIN MAKES PEOPLE CHANGE BUT IT ALSO MAKES THEM STRONGER, THE SAME APPLIES FOR A RELATIONSHIP

The sun shone brightly through the window of your room, slowly you sat up and rubbed your eyes tiredly. You turned and looked at the empty spot next to you. "Oppa?" you yawned, looking around but he was nowhere to be seen.

You went out of bed and ran downstairs to the living room. "Oppa?" but again there was no answer and then you smell a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. You scratched your head when you arrived in the kitchen and didn't see him. "Uh di ya?" you pouted.

"Aigoo, is my yeon in missing me already?" a deep voice said from behind. myungsoo placed his hands around your waist and spun you around to face him. "I couldn't find you." you pouted again. myungsoo chuckled and pinch your nose. "I was making breakfast when i realized that we ran out of vegetable oil so i went to the pantry in the basement to get some."

You nodded comprehension. "Aah.. but you should wake me up to help you." you said. "How could i wake you up when you were sleeping so peacefully and gorgeously?" you chuckled and smacked his chest playfully. "What are you making?"

"My famous legendary omurice." myungsoo said proudly. "Oeh.. let's start shall we?" you were about to grab your apron when myungsoo stopped you by holding your wrist. "Why don't you just wait and let me finish it?"

You rest your head on your arms on the counter while blowing a raspberry. Your lips curved into a smile as you looked up and without knowing you found yourself staring dreamily at myungsoo's back profile. He looked so cool even with that dotted pink apron.

"I know you're husband is amazingly good looking in any angle but are you done staring?" he chuckled, flipping the eggroll. Feeling caught, you stood up and cleared your throat. "I wasn't staring at you.. i was staring at the food because I'm hungry and you won't let me help you."

"You're hungry?" myungsoo asked, half grinning. You nodded doubtfully, raising your eyebrow at him. "Well, I wanted to save the dessert for last but since you're hungry we can make an exception." he said as he approached you with a cheeky smile.

Myungsoo placed his hands on your waist and lifted you up on the counter. "What are you doing?" you blinked in confusion. "Feeding my jagi." he replied with a grin. "with love."

Myungsoo titled his head as he lightly put his hand in your long brown hair. He gazed into your eyes intensely before latching his lips onto yours. First you eyes widened but soon you close your eyes and kissed him back, your arms wrapped around his neck.

Time stood still as your lips moved together sweetly, his soft warm lips tasted like mint. you could feel him smiling which made you smile too, then you pulled away from the kiss, you forehead leaning against his. "I love you." he uttered, smiling genuinely.

You opened your mouth and wanted to say the same thing back until you smelled something burning and saw the burning food on the pan. Abruptly, you pulled away and ran to the stove to turn it off. "Just in time." you gasped.

"What was I without my jagi." he sang as he hugged you from behind. He rest his head on your shoulder and duck his face in your hair to smell the sweet scent of your hair. "Stop it, it tickles." you giggled. But instead of pulling away he began to plant multiply butterfly kisses on your neck. "Myungsoo stop." you moaned quietly.

You and myungsoo were sitting at the table, sharing one plate with omurice since the other one is burned. "Say aaahh." you said, holding a spoonful omurice to his mouth. Myungsoo opened his mouth and ate it. You chuckled when you looked at his chubby cheeks. "You look like an eagi."

Myungsoo swallowed his food and opened his mouth to speak. "I will be your eagi then." he said with aegyio. "Buing buing." you burst out laughing "Wait, I'm going to get the camera to capture this memorable moment."

Myungsoo shook his head. "Ani, my aegyio is for your eyes only and for no one else." "But i'm sure that the guys want to see this too." you giggled. "Yea, to laugh at me but let's take a picture together." he pulled you on his lap and held the camera up. "Say kimchi!"

After snapping he shutter, the picture slides out slowly. Excitedly, you pick out the picture and shook it until image appeared. "Do i look handsome?" myungsoo said. "You're the handsomest, happy?" "Totally." he said satisfied.

You walked to the wall that was full of photos of you, myungsoo and infinite that you've took over the year and hung the photo that you just took up along with the others. Myungsoo slides his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer. "Our wall of memories and there are many more to come."

The clock hit eleven, time for myungsoo to go to work. “Are you here for dinner?” you asked while fixing his tie. “Oh i almost forgot to tell you that umma and appa invited us for dinner tonight. I’ll fetch you when I’m off work.” He said. “Okay.”

Before heading out myungsoo twisted the doorknob and turned his body to you. “Did you forget something?” you titled your head. “Yeah my energy source of the day.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your hips and lifts you up, planting his lips on yours. You embrace his neck and kissed him back. “I’m gonna miss you.” He pouted as he pulled back, rubbing his noise against yours. “Drive safely, love you.”

Not long after Myungsoo’s departure, you grabbed your keys and went to your bike. After unlocking it you popped on your bike and start peddling, heading to the orphanage.
Myungsoo was actually against about you cycling to work because according to him it’s too dangerous, what if you got hurt? He even offers himself as your personal driver but you didn’t want to bother him.

Once arriving, you were greeted by happy and full of energetic children. "Noona! Annyeong!" "Yun mi unnie, let's play!" "No, noona should play with us first." chuckling, you ruffled their hair. "Alright, let's play.”

After playing tag you plopped on the bench exhausted. “Here have something to drink.” Juyohan Song said, handing you the bottle with water. You thanked him and drank from the bottle. “Those kids.” He chuckled. “They are not supposed to be here, they belong in a happy family.”

“I’m getting old, soon I’ve to retire.” He sighed, shaking his head. “But till then they can’t miss your presence, juyohan Song.”

It was almost seven o’clock when you and myungsoo arrived at his parent’s house. “Oh come in.” his mother welcomes you warmly. “Annyeong, eomeoni.” You said, hugging her. “Let’s have dinner, the maids are already done with setting the table.” His father said.

“Babo.” Myungsoo said as he reached out his hand and wiped off the sauce from your lips. “Gomawo, myungsoo.” “Look at those love birds.” They chuckled. “Have you thought about children yet?”

Your smile immediately dropped and grew uncomfortable. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. “Euhmmm..” “We will think about it when we’re ready.” He interrupted. “thanks, oppa.” You whispered relieved. You felt sorry when you saw the disappointed look in their eyes but it’s not easy for you either, even though it was almost two years ago. It’s really hard to get over it.

That same night, you and myungsoo lay under the warm covers, he was browsing through his documents while you were reading a book. Myungsoo stole a glance at you once a while until he decided to put his work aside. "Jagi." he sang

You turned and saw myungsoo staring at you with the cheekiest grin he had. He snatched the book from your hands and threw it on the edge of the bed. "Hey!"

Then he got on top of you and locked you between his muscular arms. "Yah Kim Myung Soo what are you doing?" you said and covered your face under the blanket. "Is my jagi playing hard to get?" he smirked as he removed the blanket from your face. "Totally my style."

"It's already late, you have to work tomorrow too." But myungsoo couldn't care less, all he want right now is you. He removed his shirt impatiently and start kissing down your neck. But the kissing changed gradually into .

When he finally pulled back he removed his pants, he now was only wearing a boxer. Myungsoo hands went down to your hips to grab a hold on your shorts but you grabbed his hands to stop him from pulling down.

"What?" he pouted. "If you really want do 'it' you should prepare yourself." you said with a blushing face, pointing your index finger to drawer in the night stand. "I'm already prepared." he said as he continued pulling down your shorts. You stopped him again and raised your eyebrow at him. "I'm serious."

Myungsoo pouted again and groaned playfully. "Ah jagi, do we really need that? We’re already married. Why don't we just let our body become one and let the mother of nature do the rest." he said. "And beside we love kid’s right? Let’s make our own little soccer team."

"Yah do i look like a pig to you?" you chuckled. "The prettiest." he teased. "Do you seriously want me to do it for you?" myungsoo shook his head and rolled back to his side of the bed. "Shiro, I don't want to." he frowned, folding his arms like a grumpy child.

"Well okay, Let's go to sleep then." you said as you handed him his clothes. "Pull on your clothes before you catch a cold." you pecked his cheek before turning off the lights. "Sleep tight, oppa."

“Aisshhh.” Myungsoo ruffled his hair frustrated before pulling on his clothes in the bathroom.

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"Look that him, he's totally down." sungkyu whispered to the rest and they nodded in agreement. "So..sungyeol go ask him." he said as he gave sungyeol a helping push. Sungyeol turned and gave them a glance before walking towards myungsoo.

"Hey." sungyeol said as he took a seat beside him and patted his shoulder. "hey.." myungsoo replied deplored. "What's the matter?" myungsoo titled turned his head to sungyeol. "I'm gonna ask you something and you have to answer it honestly okay?"

"Uhm.. okay?" sungyeol replied wonderingly. Myungsoo took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak. "Do you think that yun mi is still mad at me for what i've done?" "Of course not, you guys are like peanut butter and jelly."

"How so?" sungyeol asked back. "I don't know, she doesn't seem to fully trust me." myungsoo explained. "Because every time i want to do 'it'-" before myungsoo went any further sungyeol stopped him. "Hold on buddy, don't be too extensive."

"Hehee.. sorry hyung." myungsoo chuckled sheepishly. "She always want do as safest as possible." Sungyeol leaned back and shrugged. "I don't see the problem." "But since we're already married for quite a while isn't time to.. like expand our family."

"Oh you want to have little myungsoo's and yun mi's?" sungkyu suddenly said from behind. The rest came all forward after eavesdropping in the back. "So our dongseang wants to expand his little family huh?" dongwoo grinned. "I wanna be the baby's godfather." sungjong beamed. "Hmm Ajeoshi hoya, that sound like music to my ears."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you guys but yun mi doesn't seem to want it." myungsoo sighed deeply as he slump in his chair. Woohyun looked up and brushed his chin intently. "I'm just saying but maybe she has a trauma?"

"Trauma?" they said in unison. "yea a physical injury that's the result of an accident or violence, the result of this case is probably the miscarriage." woohyun explained. "It must be hard on her."

Myungsoo still remembers clearly how much he had hurt you. He wished that he could turn back time so badly to prevent the tragic accident. "If i wasn't so foolish, our child could be almost two."

"Can we do something about it codger?" dongwoo asked woohyun. "Euhm.. there's not much to do about it." he paused. "Except..."

"Myungsoo shouldn't you go to work?" you asked confused as myungsoo dragged to his Aston Martin sport car. "I took a day off." he smiled. "And beside, can't a husband spent time with his wife?" he said and pecked your cheek before starting the engine.

During the ride you kept asking where he was going to bring you but he just won't tell you. "Are we there yet?" you asked for the nth time. "Are we going to get breakfast? I'm starving." you winced like a little child. "I have to bring you somewhere before we're going to get breakfast." he said mysteriously. "Where?" "You'll see."

"Why are you bringing me to a therapist centre?" you asked, looking up at the huge building in front of you. "Let's go in first." myungsoo said as he held your hand and walked in.

"Can i help you?" the receptionist asked. "We've an appointment with doctor Kang at 9 o'clock." the receptionist browse through her computer and nodded. "Kim Yun mi right? please take a seat, doctor kang will call you soon."

"Why are you bringing me here? i don't like it here." you whispered to myungsoo. Myungsoo hold your hand firmly. "Don't worry, doctor kang will help us with your trauma." "Trauma? i don't have a trauma." you said in disagree. "okay okay.. see it as a simple check nae?"

"Shiro, can't we just go?" you said nervously. Myungsoo rubbed your hand and patted. "I will always be by your side, see?" he said as he held up his hand that was intertwined with yours. "Just like glue."

"What do you mean, i can't come in?" he blurted in disbelief. "Sorry sir but during the process we can't let people in, they can influence the process." they explained. "But I'm her husband." "Sorry sir, please wait outside."

"Sorry jagi, but don't worry i will wait for you outside okay?" Doubtfully you let go of his hand. "Jagi figthing." he cheered, holding up his fist. "Please follow me Mrs. Kim." they said, guiding you to a room in the end of the hallway.

You looked around once you've entered the room. The room was very organized, all the walls were full with bookshelves. In the middle of the room was a large chair and a lounger. "Please take a seat." an early forty woman said with a warm smile.

Nervously you lay down and played with your fingers. "I can call you yun mi right?" she asked and you nodded. "Nice to meet you yun mi, i'm doctor kang." she said. "Do you know the reason you're here?" you shook your head skeptically. "Well you're husband seems really worried about you, are you aware of yourself having a trauma?"

"Not really." you replied, biting your lip nervously. "Your husband in really caring isn't he?" she asked. "He's really loving." you broke into a smile. "Aigoo what a lovely young couple." she chuckled. "But I also heard that you had a miscarriage at a young age."

Suddenly you felt quiet. "Do you think about the baby that you and your husband might had?"  It took a while before you could finally answer her question. "Sometimes it's like the baby is still here but when i reach out my hand she's s gone." you said as you felt the tears forming in your eyes.

"In order to heal your trauma we've to talk about your thoughts, feelings and reactions but first why don't you close your eyes and take a deep breath before thinking back. Imaging yourself in the hospital, you can hear people surrounding you in the drug-like fragrant room. Your stomach was in pain-"

"Please nurse shin hand me the towel!" the doctor said hastily. "How is the condition of this patient?" they asked concerned. "We have to remove the baby in her stomach or else her safety in is gonna be in danger."

You opened your eyes and found yourself in a pitch dark place; suddenly you heard a voice from behind. Within an instant you spun around and saw a child. "Umma, why are they taking me away from you? Umma i'm scared." she fell on the ground and began to cry.  You immediately ran to her but once you were there, she was gone.

"Aegi!" you cried "Don't go, guh jit mal!"  Suddenly you felt someone embracing you. “Don’t touch me!” you screamed, smacking his hand. “Yun mi.” you could hear a familiar voice calling out your name. You eyes shot wide open as you gasped awake, your forehead covering with sweat. “Jagi, are you alright?”

You were wrapped tightly in the blanket of your bed. “I i- I’m a bad umma!” you sobbed, bawling and ripping out of the blankets. Shocked Myungsoo pulled you into a hug. “You were just having a nightmare, its okay I’m here.” He said, pulling your head into his chest gently. “I don’t want to go to therapy, shirong.” You shivered against his chest. “I’m sorry I won’t bring you to therapy ever again.” He said, rubbing your back.

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