Kibum hates his memory when it comes to certain events, hates how he can remember past events so vividly and precise as if it happened only yesterday. Hates how his memory seems to taunt him, throws the things he wants to forget in his face even when he's doing his best to avoid them.

Donghae's apology is a memory that won't leave his mind, a clear frown on the older male's lips, as his brown eyes express sympathy despite not trying Kibum's very own eyes. His memory of the hurt and heartbreak so clear that he still feels it when it comes up, and he just wants to cry. But Kibum doesn't cry unless the role calls for it, he's never been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Kibum's been in love with Donghae ever since he could remember, he lived on his own most of the time because he had hope in some false belief that the feelings would eventually disappear and he would be back to normal. It didn't happen and in some messed up moment back when Kangin decided he wanted to go to the military he confessed. It didn't happen on purpose, Donghae was expressing how it felt like Super Junior was falling apart. Kangin was leaving, Hankyung had left to China, and he was so busy with his dream that he never had time for the others.

Kibum use to be the maknae, he would listen to your problems and try to help but he was far from a therapist. He had listened to Donghae's problem and his solution for helping was saying how Kibum was in love with the older male. Donghae wasn't disgusted but only because he had a crush on Hyukjae. In the end Kibum's heart was broken and he did his best at avoiding the older male in anyway possible. It's surprisingly easy to play a game of avoidance when you're in one of Korea's top boy bands.

“Kibummie I'm so happy you're back despite the fact that it's under such circumstances,” Leeteuk states smile turning into a slight grimace before going back to the smile it originally was.

“We did a few room arrangements so you're rooming with Donghae,” Leeteuk continues. “You and Donghae have always been good together, so I don't think it would be a problem now.”

“Thanks,” Kibum whispers. He's not really thankful, he's more tempted to run back to his infested apartment complex and revert back to the maknae he never was. He smiles instead, grins happily and drags his bag into the room. Donghae's not there and that heart thumping excitement washes away yet a sense of relief is replaces it.

“Kibummie you're here,” Donghae says entering the room, four hours later. Kibum looks up a small smile on his face. “I haven't seen you since we started SJ-M promotions.”

“How was Taiwan with Hyukjae-hyung,” Kibum asks, his eyes drifting back to the book in his hand, in mild guilt. He saw how Donghae's eyes widen and he's sure that a look of hurt flashed in them.

“What I meant was how was Taiwan with all of SJ-M not just Hyukjae-hyung,” Kibum clarifies.

“Oh it was nice but it was busy,” Donghae explains. They leave it like that, Donghae doing whatever it is that he's doing, and Kibum not looking up from his book. He's not reading it, he's already read it a week ago but it's a distraction.

“Hyung...in Taiwan....you didn't.....

“No I didn't,” Donghae cuts him off. “I didn't have time.”

“Oh,” Kibum replies.

Kibum opens his eyes, the darkness is blinding but he hears the sound of soft sobbing in his ears.

“Hae-hyung,” he whispers, turning into the direction of the older male's bed.

“Kibummie sorry.” Donghae replies voice cracking due to the crying. Kibum stays silent for a moment partially wondering if he should pretend like he doesn't know what's going on but he's not that heartless not to mention hearing Donghae's sobs is enough to break his heart.

“What's wrong,” He asks.

“Nothing,” Donghae lies. Kibum rolls his eyes in the darkness, siting up, the bed creaking at the sudden movements.

“I can't just pretend you weren't crying and now I'll be up for the rest of the night wondering what made you cry,” Kibum says, not really wanting to use his feeling as a way to guilt trip the older male. Donghae sniffles and Kibum grins a bit h