AN: The Bold he's and him's refer to Eunhyuk

The scent of strawberry fills his mind, seeming to enhance all his senses. Fingertips gently carress soft skin, as brown eyes look deep into his own. It feels so right but something is missing, something very critical and crucial wasn't there. As he realizes this the feelings disappears, the once sense of bliss has evaporated and been replaced with the feeling of longing.

When he opens his eyes he's back in the company van traveling along one of South Korea's highway, his bandmates beside him. It was a dream, not just a dream but a distant memory that's resurfaced.

What's wrong," his manager who sat in front of the group asks.

Nothing," he responds, because these dream like memories are happening on a near frequent bases to actually care about. His manager turns to get a better look at him before shrugging and turning, Kyuhyun in return, rests his head against the cool glass of the window.

I'm leaving," A voice he knew far too well says, huge almond eyes looking at him in worry.

“That's the point of graduating high school you leave to college," Kyuhyun explains sarcastically.

“No I'm leaving to Japan after graduation." He had the feeling that was coming next he just didn't really want to acknowledge it.

"Oh." is all Kyuhyun can say, and as a mirage of emotions seeped though him, he did what he always did best, he ran away from the topic distracted the other, refused to go deeper.

He hates times like this. No matter how spiteful a person it makes him seem, he hates times like this the most. He hates when Yesung and Ryeowook are even more snuggled up than normal.

Hates how that perpetual feeling of loneliness creeps into his heart because even through they're bandmates and even though he approves of their relationship and even though they are the best of friends he feels lonely. He can stand many things except for the loneliness.

"Are you okay," a familiar voice asks, breaking him from his thoughts. He looks up and comes face to face with a worried Ryeowook.

"I'm fine," he states blankly, because if he continues to say it, he might start to believe it and then maybe he will eventually be fine as he puts it.

"No you're not you've been out of it since we got here if you're not feeling well then just say so," Ryeowook states, he's got determination in his eyes and his lips are drawing into a thin line.

"I'm fine," he says again this time putting emphasis on each word spoken. They get the five minute call before Ryeowook can properly think of ways to extract information.

He was washing his hands for the nth time, nerves were getting the best of him. Today was the day, the day the senior class graduated.

The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing didn't catch his attention until he was yanked by the wrist, lower back pressed harshly and painfully against the sink, familiar lips pressed against his.

He gripped the older tightly as teeth slightly clashed in the heated battle. He poured his all in the kiss, the fear, the anxiety, the sadness and the love. Every emotion he couldn't express was in that kiss.

They pulled apart for air and he purposely avoided searching eyes, knew that if he looked he would break down and every pretense created would be ripped to shreds. He felt the other give up and step back, with all his being he wanted to reach up and bring the other closer but he just couldn't.

Two softly whispered words reached his ear and weld all the power to hurt him. "I'm sorry," was spoken by a voice he loved to hear and when the door closed he lost his restraints, everything that was holding him back collapsed on the floor right beside him.

He missed the ceremony, missed the look of pride and accomplishment when the other grabbed his diploma because his time was spent sitting solemnly against one of the bathroom walls and crying his eyes out for the first time in ten years

She's going on about something random. The concert has long ended and he's recovering from the blinding lights inside one of the best lounges in this part of Korea. She's keeping him company, shes a dancer just like he is and thats the thing that draws Kyuhyun. She does ballet and learned in Europe, she's more experienced.

She takes a sip from her drink he's lost count of the number but knows that it's far from her first or second.

She's a close friend and nothing more because despite the number of years that continue to increase he's still cant seem to get over his first love. He calls a cab to take her home decides that he's better off walking.

"I love you," he says annoyed.

“Um I'm sorry?" Kyuhyun replies confused because the confession comes out almost angry.

“You're suppose to be a genus and I've been dropping hints for a month now."

"I like this hint the best its not as confusing as the others I couldn't tell rather you loved me, hated me, or held this unhealthy obsession with me,"

He sputters and glares before resolving to a pout unable to make out a comeback at the moment. "I hate you Cho Kyuhyun," he settles with seconds later.

"But didn't you just love me,” Kyuhyun asks, mischief glint in his eyes.

“I changed my mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely.”

“I'm not so sure," Kyuhyun replies and he's pressing his lips on to the older male's. When he pulls away he has to muffle his laugh at the sight of the older male's close eyes and puckered lips.

“Yah don't make fun of your hyung!”

He likes Seoul best, every time they travel somewhere he can't wait to return home to Seoul, he thinks it's because of the familiarity, a piece of Kyuhyun is still holding onto the idea of him coming back. Him coming back unchanged despite the many years lost between them.

It's fictional and so unreal because he's even changed. He's not the same unsure little brat he was before he's not just following the flow of life anymore, he's finally found some direction in his life.

It's not even a day of rest before he's called to the building, a spur of the moment meeting, discussing something of extreme importance. He's slightly put off with his managers tone and wonders if it's the inevitable intervention that was bound to happen with his recent behavior.

“This is the Lee brothers,” His manager introduces gesturing wildly like his one classmate from high school. “Lee Donghae and Lee Eunhyuk.”

Lee Hyukjae his mind says instead. Lee Eunhyuk looked exactly like Lee Hyukjae only different.

“Eunhyuk trained and Japan while Donghae trained in China.”

Another similarity. The only difference was this Eunhyuk was an adult from the look in his eyes. He was mature had red hair and had none of that impeccable innocence and naivety that his once brown haired lover had.

They exchange introductions, Kyuhyun's awkward and unsure, eyes casted to the ground, looking anywhere but the other's eyes. Then their manager leaves them to fend for themselves, already talking on his phone as he leaves.

Afterwards there's avoidance. He talks to Wookie, to Yesung, to Donghae who is really kind. At one point when he can't talk to the trio anymore he excuses himself and calls Sungmin but Sungmin's as much of a as his landlord Heechul so he gets yelled at a lot for interrupting the other's work and having no balls to talk to his only ex.

Sungmin works from home and Kyuhyun has had many exes beside Hyukjae well if you count the flings and Seohyun but Seohyun is a different topic altogether.

He stomps back into the place, flustered and a mess of nerves. He can't tell anyone that seeing a red haired Hyukjae instead of brunette is enough to break his already broken heart. It's enough for him to realize that he's missed so much of the others life and vice versa.

It's enough for him to realize that the power he held over the other's decision to matter how little is completely gone though in some way he knows he can't complain.

“Who were you talking to." Wookie asks.

“Sungmin," he replies before thinking and as he looks up he notices how the glint of recognition reflects in the other's eyes at the name.

It's an hour of the pair teaching them to dance which still hasn't gone far, they're ballad singers not dancers for crying out loud and because of that Yesung had complained nonstop at one point.

Kyuhyun drops to the floor an a heap, sweat dripping from his forehead, he half wonders if it's too much to claim a collapsed lung and hightail it out of there until promotions are over.

He figured it wouldn't work cause Ryeowook would send him through every type of X-ray and scan created. His guard his down, eyes staring to the window, for the first time in his life imaging being in nature.

He misses the exchange between Donghae and Hyukjae and how the latter looked in his direction. And when he finally snapped his attention away from the window Hyukjae was approaching him at a steady rate. He draws his composure dues away with the anxiety and gives Hyukjae the blankest of all looks.

"So Sungmin how is he," Hyukjae asks, Kyuhyun looks up eyes expressing shoc