The room was dark except from the dim light of a lone lamp at the far end. The lamp created more shadows than light and it seemed as if the shadows were moving, moving in on the one shadow that had actual movement, the shadow that was spinning round and round, moving, flowing and swaying with the soft rhythm of the music.

Though Taemin was staring at the mirrors that surrounded him as he lost himself to the melody that was playing through the tiny speakers of his iPod, his mind was elsewhere. With every sway of his hips and every turn of his body he remembered the past. Like a kaleidoscope in black and white, figments of what used to be and what's not anymore seemed to flash past his eyes. A past he could not forget no matter how hard he tried, a past he wanted back so much that it hurt. Through all though what shined most in his memory was the smile that used to form on a particular pair of lips; lips that once used to belong to him, used to worship him.

As soon as that smile flashed in his mind, he lost his balance and went crashing down on the cold wood floor. Trails of tears raced down his hollow cheeks as he clutched his top right above his heart as if it would somehow lessen the heartache he was feeling. He cried out and banged his wrist on the ice cold mirror in front of him and tried to wipe away his image, his existence. As if he could! As if he could have such an easy escape. He had loaded the pistol himself and fired it in full conscience but what he hadn't known was that the bullet that was meant to bleed out one heart managed to bleed two.

The music suddenly changed and the tune that blasted through was all too familiar all too heartbreaking. It used to be their song. It used to be the song they had first danced to and while swaying to this very melody they had their first ever kiss. The song that once used to fill him with all things sugary and spice was now nothing but mocking him and his fate. The sweet nothings of the lyrics hollowing his soul even more and he cried. After all these years he finally cried.

Onew was gentle, sweet and loving, everything anyone could ask in their boyfriend and for a while Taemin had been content. Just like a trophy, he showed his lover off to whoever was near and the sweet feelings that Onew's touches and words ignited in him were just bonuses. He had the older wrapped around his fingers and he lived it that way.

Their first meeting was not fairytale material, farther from it really. Taemin had been lusting after a senior, Minho when he met Onew. The older was Minho's cousin and walked in on Taemin and Minho making out, half and very, very drunk. The moment he had laid his eyes on the two on the bed, his stuttering bout surfaced and he hurried out of the room, or tried to, at least. He sort of tripped on thin air and landed face first. The very drunk Minho had dosed off by then, leaving the topless Taemin to take care of the blushing mess that was Onew. He helped the sprawled figure up and nursed his wounds as the older fidgeted with his fingers. Somehow while he was cleaning the small cut on the other's forehead and peeking at his soft features and those slit-like eyes, Taemin kind of fell for him. Well he was interested at least and somehow the drunken Minho with his round eyes and wide smiles were forgotten in a flash.

Onew religiously tried to ignore any sort of advancement tried by Taemin and for the first time in his life, the younger questioned his appeal. He stalked the older pretty much anywhere and everywhere and kept on nagging him to give in to 'Taemin's charm' until Onew's resolve finally broke. Though the older didn't say anything at first, Taemin could clearly see that Onew accepted his advances from the way Onew's frowns were replaced by tiny smiles and glimmering bright eyes whenever Taemin sunk down on the seat next to him.

For a while Taemin was content with just sitting with the older, watching him carrying on with work with such passion and enthusiasm. He was content with how the quiet felt more homely more intimate than any conversation he ever had, with anyone and how his heart was in constant riot whenever he caught anew peeking at him through his lashes or when secret smiles graced those lips. He could not and did not ask for more for a while.

But Taemin being Taemin, he needed intimacy, in a physical way and when he found himself over a squirming Onew who had been slammed on the wall and was caged there by the others slim figure, he wasn't really surprised. He knew his inner beast was going to come out sooner or later and he was happy that it was later rather than sooner. The song, their sing blasted through the small cafe, which’s wall Onew was pressed on as Taemin had claimed those quivering lips as his own. The kiss had blown away the younger who was nothing shorter than an expert on kissing, having kissed so many others before. It was nothing like those other times, those lips were nothing like the others, the quick breaths in between were so alien yet so right that Taemin had lost his reasoning and where they were were forgotten. Taemin literally almost debauched Onew's innocence until a small cough made Onew jump and break away from his grasp and land on the basin. Well yes, their first kiss was in a dingy toilet of a small cafe that Onew frequented.

The next time they kissed was three weeks after their first. Onew had ignored him and his calls and his knocks on his door for three long weeks and as frustrating as the whole thing was, Taemin just would not give up and on a Saturday night after having too much booze in his system he found himself in front of the elder’s door, singing some sappy love song. It seemed though that Onew wasn't even in his house and Taemin had Bren singing to an empty space. As Onew walked up the stairs and took in the singing and giggling mess that was Taemin, he ran up the last few steps which wasn't such a great idea because he missed his footing and somehow ended on top of the younger, who took full advantage and once again their lips found home in each other. That night they became one. The song was blasting on the background; Onew's sangtae resulted in him turning on the radio with his .

Taemin seemed to lose himself on those lips whenever they met up after that, those soft pouty lips that seemed to mould around his own like pieces of puzzle finally coming together. For a while they were happy. Taemin with his dominating way if showing love and Onew with his shy smiles and sneaky stares. They somehow completed each other in more than one ways.

But like everything good in life, their happiness didn't last long and it was all Taemin's fault. It was no hidden fact that the younger loved dancing more than anything, at times even Onew would get jealous of his love for dancing and yes, that was what came in between them. When Taemin got a scholarship for a dancing major in a renowned university in London, he could see nothing but his dreams fulfilling finally. He was too busy with his selfish dreams and ambition that he forgot about Onew and them and those plush lips. He was too lost in everything that he overlooked the one thing that was good in life.

He still remembered that moment he told Onew that the 'thing' between them was off. He hadn't even explained anything, not wanting to seem like an insensitive and selfish bastard. Seeing that smile that he used to love so much fade in front of him and that ever smiling face crumble right in front him made his heart lurch forward as if to catch the broken guy before he fell but the ambitious part of him stopped him from doing that. He knew that if he let even an ounce of his feelings out, everything will break out and he won't be able to let go of the guy in front of him and he would rather not go there. His future depended on it. They could just pick up everything when he returned; yes that's what he had told himself while he totally broke his lover's heart and left.

He didn't even tell Onew that he was leaving Korea. He just snuck out one day and thought he would never look back, never need to look back until he becomes a great dancer and returns a victor and claim his lover once again. Wistful thinking.

First few months went by like a breeze but after one too many nights alone in his small dorm room and drinking one too many cans of beer, everything finally hit him on his face. That night he put his iPod on shuffle and somehow their song ended up being played and before Taemin knew it, a chest crunching empty feeling filled him and flashes of that smile replayed again and again in his mind, like a broken record. He finally realized what he had done.

Night after night Taemin would try to drown his emptiness in beer or any alcohol he could get his hands on. When he was dancing it wasn't as bad but whenever he would be alone in his room, all he did was replay that song and just flick all the pictures of Onew he had in his phone which wasn't many because Onew was so camera shy. He would never cry though, never. He would just close his eyes and try to think back to every moment they were together. Then one day, one fine, sunny day, he finally managed to gather all his courage and finally dialled the all too familiar number. Without realizing, he was holding his breath and his bottom lips were tugged by his teeth. He was anticipating hearing the voice he wanted to hear so much but what he heard was not was he was expecting.

'The number you're trying to call is no longer in service.'
One sentence was enough to crumble Taemin. He tried to contact him so many times but everything failed. All his letters were sent back to him and none of his emails were replied too. When everything failed he finally took the last stare. Calling Minho was not pleasant. He was greeted with all profanities known to mankind as the older guy blamed him for breaking Onew and just leaving him. From Minho he found that after he left, Onew sort of gave up in life and one day just disappeared and no one knows about his whereabouts. That was the beginning of Taemin's downfall. He found out exactly how Onew must have felt when he had taken off without any explanation. Taemin's heart was bleeding and he had no one but himself to blame for it. Just thinking about how and where Onew could be and if he was okay made his butchered heart shudder with an unexplainable fear. He just wanted to find his lover and put all the pieces of their broken hearts back together but he knew that it wasn't possible anymore. He ruined everything.

He lied on the cold floor of the dancing studio and cried. He cried hoping that all his tears would be an offering to God so he would keep Onew safe and sound somewhere and one day they would reunite. He cried because he could not do anything else. He cried.

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My exams are finally finished...though I have like an interview left...but I'm finally free :D

Anndddddd on top of that...like just minutes ago I got my 'I got a boy' order and guess what guys???? I got the group version :D It's freaking BEAUTIFUL....ah I need Shinee to comeback asap so that I can buy their cd as well :D

But anyway...wrote this last night....and it broke my heart :'(

Lemme know what you think about it in the comments and stuff? ne? :D