You would always complain on how I don’t act my age and how stupid it is to change my hair color anyway I please. You would nag on me for being too soft and emotional, and nagged me more when I become insensitive. You told me how my presence irritated you and that looking like a bouncy bunny only made it worse for you to accept me. You always made fun of me when I wear those pink night gowns to sleep and teased how people perceive me as gay because of this. You always get pissed when I nag you about drinking too much coffee but I only meant well; too much caffeine can make you sick.

You told me to stop caring because you didn’t care. But, sadly I cared way too much to stop caring, so I still cared for you like it has always been. You told me to get a life, I did but what is life without you my dear. You would always stare at me with those fierce eyes and I would smile at you with my practice aegyo; how I loved the way you gagged at my childish play.

People say that we don’t suit each other; how we are like night and day, moon and sun, rock and paper. I sighed deeply as I recall the bitter truth of yesterday’s past. We are definitely two contrasting forces bound by one name called Super Junior.

You hated me. Tell me the truth, you really hated me right?  You stood far away from me and I looked at you with puppy eyes; how can you distance yourself when I only wanted to get closer to you?

Oh yeah I remember, you like maknaes don’t you? You were very fond of Wookie and you were really thrilled to be roommates when we changed dorms. You loved how you were put in a subunit with two maknaes and was all giddy with the fanservice. And what about Henry? You love the Canadian maknae like he was your own brother. When Kyuhyun got injured in the car accident, you expressed your emotions on radio; it hurts, you know, favoring maknaes like they were the best things in life, and I am not.  But I love Maknaes too. So I snatched the three from you to make you jealous! I have your precious Kyuhyun as my roommate, Wookie is my co-DJ and Henry? He’s my adorable mochi in SJM. And though I only did those to get your attention, I realized why you loved the three more than the others: the three were just what you needed, a calming silence who understood the cloud of mystery that surrounded those beautiful dark eyes.

Did you know how I happy I was when SJM was formed? I thought that without the maknaes, you could treat me as your maknae. But alas, still I wasn’t treated like the way I wanted to; and I am just really some member you can overlook.

Sure we consider each other as brothers but hell I don’t feel like a brother to you. Favoritism is ok; like, I also favored one member or the other. But what you do breaks the very heart that wanted to love you.

Why am I even jealous? Why do I even care? Maybe, because I was drawn into a realm of mystery that was you, Yesung hyung. I would act really cute for you but you would rather chase after Ryeowook or Henry. I would try to be cool but you preferred a snarky Kyuhyun. I would try to all smexy but I guess Siwon’s abs had caught you dumbfounded. Am I really invisible to you? Guess I was.

I was a ball of fluff and you were a bitter cup, two contrasting persons yet we still fit together like puzzle pieces.  But, I guess you don’t see that. You only have Ryeowook, Siwon, Kyuhyun and Henry, there was never Sungmin.

And so I’ll let go of what I thought of as possible,  you won’t ever notice me; You will never like me… You will never love me back. I’ll drown myself in tears and curses but I won’t regret loving you. Because you are the air that keeps me breathing, the sun that wakes me up in the morning, the blood that rushes through my heart and keeps it beating. You are my life Yesung hyung and it will always remain that way. But sadly, I have to let go.

a/n: It’s angsty I know.. *headshot*