Kai didn't know when it happened.

He'd been watching him forever. Ever since he'd entered the kingdom, golden ring above his head and feathers all around him. He got the assignment, and accepted it without question.

Maybe it was the first time. The first time he'd had to really do his job, swooping in and lifting the unconscious boy in his arms. They had been young then.

Maybe it was the last time. Having to grab his shoulder and yank him back, panic leaping into his throat when the idea of being just too late entered his mind. He'd had to propel himself forwards, white wings bursting forth. Eyes wide and shocked, watching the train pass right in front of him, a whispered "Thank you" fell from Taemin's lips.

Or maybe it was all the times in between. The times Taemin simply acted stupid, or was too pretty for his own good, and Kai would have to fly down from the heavens and keep him safe. Or when things got too difficult, and Kai had to restore his hope. It was his job as a guardian angel.

But one day, something broke the barrier of professionalism. When it happened Kai did not know; when he came to acknowledge it was the day that mattered. He was in love with Taemin. And the realization hit him hard.



The night of this realization, Kai was in heaven. Wings extended and painfully flattened against the cold metal pressed to his . His halo was lopsided, shoulders aching, wrists being burned by the red-hot shackles holding him to this cross. He kept his head hanging down, not wanting to look at the spectators jeering, spitting, or glaring at him in disgust. As soon as he realized what was happening, he knew exactly why.

So did everybody else.

"Kai. Son of God and resident of His holy kingdom. You have sinned."

"I am sorry, Heavenly Father." It took Kai few moments to find his voice. He tried to shift a bit but it hurt too much, so he stopped. "It is out of my control."

"You are more than aware that homouality is a sin."

Anger at the injustice flared in him. It was not a sin for a guardian angel to fall in love with their charge. It was usually something supported, because that love was the strongest bond anywhere; when it was time for the angel's protected to come into the kingdom of God, they would be together for eternity. In heaven, love was something celebrated. But only if it was "natural" love. The connection between a man and a woman.

"Individuals like you are not allowed here, Kai."

The shackles around his wrists seemed to get tighter, glowing a bright orange and he writhed under the burning pain, eyes squeezing closed.

"But we're willing to give you a chance to repent. You arrived here very young, and may not have learned."

Kai knew he was expected to say "Thank you". He kept his jaw clenched.

"We are casting you down to Earth, allowing you more time, and life, to learn."

Another expectant silence. Then, without warning, pain was everywhere. Clenching at his arms, ripping at his shoulders and back. He felt as if he was being torn in two, as if someone's giant hands were in his wings, pulling. He knew he was screaming but couldn't  stop himself. Then he was released, and he felt himself falling.

Kai blinked his eyes open. He was in a bed, in a room he did not recognize. His back ached and he simply lied there for a few moments, afraid to move. Then he brought both arms straight up, looking at his hands. This motion alone brought pain shooting through his shoulders. He was immediately distracted, however, by thick angry red marks on his wrists. There was one three inch block of burned skin that wrapped around, on each arm where the shackles had been. Slowly, Kai sat up, looking at the sheets he'd been lying on. They were drenched in a deep red, the color blossoming out and even seeping into his pillow. He recognized it immediately as blood, and when he moved his shoulders he realized why.

His wings were gone. Ripped off by the hands of God, leaving behind two gaping wounds.

Kai could already feel the blood drying on his back, stuck to his skin. Gingerly getting up, he found the bathroom to the place he was in, and soon after that the washcloths. He carefully cleaned himself off—the blood was everywhere—letting his burned wrists sit under cold running water and wrapping his torso with the bandages and gauze he'd found under the sink. Then he found clothes and got dressed, deeming this apartment his.

Kai was at a loss for what to do. What was he supposed to do? Taemin plagued his mind as he did insubstantial tasks inside the apartment: removing the bloodstained sheets from his bed, running his wrists again under cold water, and only once redressing his injuries. It wasn't until the sun gave the first signs of setting did his stomach give a horrendously loud noise, a feeling he quickly recognized as hunger setting in. While the apartment was well stocked in gauze and extra bedding, it was completely empty of food.

He knew the name of only one restaurant: the one where Taemin was currently employed. He also knew how to get there. Glancing at a wall clock, Kai realized that Taemin's shift would have ended 20 minutes ago. A strange mixture of relief and disappointment fell into his stomach as he shrugged on a jacket and exited the complex.

The street were cold and wet; luckily his destination was only a short walk away. A waitress immediately smiled and seated him, handing him a menu. He began to scan it, having no idea what to order, subconsciously leaning back into his chair. It was a horrible idea, Kai sitting forward and hissing in pain.

"Are you okay?"

Kai froze. He recognized that voice. Of course he recognized that voice, looking into the flawless face. He received a bright smile.

"Hello, I'm Lee Taemin and I will be your server today. Have you decided what you would like to order?"

A million thoughts flew through Kai's mind, some rather prominent ones being Oh my god oh my god and Why didn't I even look in the mirror before I left?

Stuttering slightly, he ordered the first thing that caught his eye. Taemin took his menu and promptly disappeared, leaving him sitting in a daze.

As Taemin's guardian angel, the older had never been able to actually see him; never had Kai been acknowledged, or looked in the eye. Now he was asking if Kai was okay, smiling at him and taking his request for a meal. Speaking of which—wasn't his shift supposed to be over?

He sat there in thought, sent into near cardiac arrest when the subject of his thoughts brought his food. After warning that it was hot, he walked away.

As soon as the food touched his tongue Kai realized just how hungry he was. As he ate he watched Taemin drifting around from table to table, dressed in his black and white and smiling at his customers. After giving the biggest tip he could from the money in his coat pocket, Kai paid and left.



Kai thought he might be going crazy.

When he was Taemin's guardian angel, he could simply look down from the heavens and see whatever he was doing, at any time. That, coupled with an anxious feeling at the pit of his stomach whenever Taemin was on a dangerous path made it quite easy for Kai to keep tabs on him, and make sure he could do his job.

Even though he no longer had that luxury, he still seemed to see Taemin everywhere. He figured he lived nearby–whenever Kai went out to do something, he saw Taemin through the crowd, or across the street, meeting his eyes for a second before nervously breaking eye contact and continuing on his way.

The thing was, Taemin noticed him too. Every time Taemin caught his eye, Kai saw a flash of recognition on the flawless face. When their glances would linger, Kai considered talking to him, but a sudden burn from the faded marks on his wrists would startle him, a deep fear settling in his stomach. By that time, Taemin had passed.

Kai found himself making up reasons to go outside, simply because he knew he would see Taemin out there. But after getting lost a few times, Kai decided that, for his own good, he was going to explore. He walked through town, making mental notes of landmarks as he went along.

Deciding he had walked everywhere, he went down to the subway station to catch a line and do more sightseeing. That's when he saw Taemin.

The young man caught his eye immediately; Taemin turned, jostled by the crowd, and looked at him, holding his gaze. In that moment, Kai decided he didn't care about heaven's agenda anymore–he was going to talk to Taemin.

He was shoved and knocked as he tried to hurry through the crowded room. Somewhere in looking at his feet to avoid falling down, he lost sight of Taemin. The subway pulled up, and there was a surge of people trying to get on or off as fast as they could. This was the last subway for a few hours—people either got on now, or waited for a while. After not even fifteen minutes,  subway station was considerably emptied. Kai figured Taemin got on the subway.

A tap on his shoulder made him jump and turn. And there stood Taemin, looking at him closely, as if he had something to say.

"W...what are you doing?" Kai asked, hyper aware of the hand on his arm.

"Gathering the courage to finally talk to you." He sounded a bit out of breath, Kai having to lean in a bit to hear him.

"That's what I was doing, too."

Taemin took a step closer, and before Kai knew what he was doing he had connected their lips. Taemin's body pressed flush against him, closer, and a sudden burn of pain made Kai gasp and pull back. His wrists were stinging.

But after a moment Kai decided he didn't care, bringing Taemin's lips back to his. This time, it didn't hurt as much.



Those next months were the happiest Kai had ever been. Taemin was perfect. They would stay on the phone until the early hours in the morning, when Taemin's voice became drowsy, and he began to ramble. Kai would sing him to sleep and hang up. They would go to the park just to hold hands and walk around, petting strangers' dogs and watch people. Kai would visit Taemin's work with a flurry of hugs and presents, sometimes bringing flowers or a cupcake, other times with things he'd left at Kai's apartment, like his shoes or a jacket.

Their relationship was innocent. Taemin went to Kai's often, to bake a cake or watch movies. Their relationship moved slowly, and that was mostly Kai's fault. When affection was shown, heaven liked to send a painful, unnerving reminder that he was being watched. That they knew what he was doing. But the more time with Taemin passed, the less he came to care about that.

After a month of knowing each other, Taemin asked him "What's your full name?"

Kai had to think about it for a few moments, and after he did so he didn't have a satisfactory answer. "I don't know."

He didn't remember. After he had died, they had referred to him as Kai. He was Kai, son of God. He had no idea what his old name was.



"My heater went out." Taemin said with a sigh, entwining their his fingers with Kai's as they walked home from Taemin's work "My room is freezing."

Kai put he and Taemin's hand in his pocket  "Do you have extra blankets?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah, but they don't help much." Taemin leaned a bit on Kai's shoulder and sighed, making a small smile grow on Kai's lips. "I need extra body heat."

"I have body heat."

"Then stay the night." Taemin looked up at Kai. "D'you want to?"

Kai was thankful for the dark–his cheeks were turning pink as he answered. "Sure."

Taemin pecked him on the cheek, grinning, and they continued walking.




After half a batch of brownies and a good deal of kissing (to heat up the room, Taemin had defended as he removed Kai's shirt) they were curled under a pile of heavy blankets. The bed was now warm, and with Taemin's head under his chin and back snug to his bare chest, Kai felt that everything was right in the world.

But that night, he was in heaven.

He was not held to the cross by just his arms this time; chains were wrapped around his torso, burning, and he writhed, crying out.

"You were given a second chance." The deep voice boomed above the noise of the crowd, all the yells of disgust. "You have not repented."

Kai simply shouted, struggling against the chains. But they just burned him, winding him tighter to the metal cross, making the large scabs on his back ache.

"But if you do so now, if you beg for forgiveness, your soul may be spared. Your memories of guardian angel years will be erased, and the sinner forgotten."

"I would rather die tied up."

A hand shot out, slapping him, nailed raking his cheek. "The devil wants your soul."

A twinge of fear shot up Kai's spine and he realized–he wasn't going back to earth, and he wasn't staying in heaven either.

"And he will have it, unless you plea to be spared."

Kai hung there, head down, silent. He loved Taemin. But now he was teetering on the edge between heaven and hell; a happy place, or happy memories?

Suddenly everything was clear. But...it's so ugly here.

His decision was obvious. Suddenly, he was falling.

It wasn't like the first time. This time he was falling so fast; there was a red pit beneath him and flames came up, eager to at his body. His head hurt terribly–he could feel two knots of pain driving into his skull on either side of his forehead, as if threatening to break through the skin. He was being shaken roughly, and a shout of "Kai!" made his eyes shoot open before Taemin's lips melted onto his.

He was in Taemin's bed, Taemin's body against him. The blankets were strewn everywhere, obviously flailed through and kicked around. The chill of the room was welcomed to his burning skin, angry red lines tracing across his chest; the cold air soothed the ashy feeling in his lungs, and he took a few deep breaths.

"Kim Jongin." He said slowly.

"What?" Taemin's eyes were wide and scared, looking over the burned skin before returning his gaze to Kai's face.

"That's my name. When you asked me? I remembered. Kim Jongin."

"What happened?" Taemin asked. "Nightmare? I woke up, and you were thrashing and yelling and–"

"You saved me."  Kai pulled Taemin into his arms and they laid there together, Taemin tracing his hands comfortably over Kai's back, over the parallel scars marring his shoulder blades. Heaven had relinquished power over his soul, but Satan had not had time to claim it. He was simply human now.