Chanyeol looks angry.

 

In fact, he looks absolutely livid.

 

Due to Chanyeol's usually gentle and non-hostile nature, Baekhyun has only seen that look a handful of times, and none of them were ever directed at himself. Sure, Chanyeol can be naggy and annoying and strict, and they may have had a few (a lot) of fist fights over it, but none of those fights ever involved Chanyeol looking like that.

 

Baekhyun feels a bit nervous (and maybe a bit scared too).

 

"Lu," Baekhyun gently nudges Lu Han with his plastic bag. "Go on inside first, alright? And bring this with you."

 

Chanyeol's grip on his arm tightens and Baekhyun tries not to wince. He has a feeling that's gonna bruise.

 

Lu Han hesitantly takes the plastic bag. He pulls slightly on Baekhyun's hand and Chanyeol's grip is so tight Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol's nails through his ing jacket. "You can't expect me to leave you with him," Lu Han says, glaring at Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol doesn't even spare Lu Han a glance, instead he continues staring at Baekhyun, grip not loosening and Baekhyun almost lets out a sound because  it that hurts.

 

"Lu," he lets out weakly. "Go."

 

Lu Han stares at him for a moment longer before nodding. "At least if you don't come back we'll know who to blame," he mumbles before giving Baekhyun's hand one last squeeze and walking off and entering Baekhyun's house.

 

Baekhyun sighs before tugging lightly on his arm. "Let go," he mutters.

 

Chanyeol's grip remains constant.

 

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun tugs harder, "you need to let go."

 

"What if I don't want to?" Chanyeol's expression has turned blank, and Baekhyun knows that's never a good thing.

 

Baekhyun feels dizzy. "Regardless of the context you meant that in, I will ing punch you." He tugs again. "Now let. Me. Go."

 

"No," Chanyeol keeps the hand on his arm and uses his other hand to pull Baekhyun closer by the collar. "Not unless you tell me what the that was." His voice is pitched dangerously low, and it's been years since Baekhyun has heard Chanyeol taking on that tone, and that previous time didn't end well.

 

Baekhyun clenches his fist. "What business is it of yours?" Dammit, since when was Chanyeol this strong?

 

"Just tell me."

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath. "Chanyeol," he says slowly, "let go. I'm not telling you anything."

 

"Since when were you into guys?"

 

Baekhyun stiffens. "None of your business." He pulls futilely at his arm. "Chanyeol, it hurts."

 

"Good," the grip loosens a bit. "Then that may give you an inkling to what my feelings are right now."

 

"Your feelings?" Baekhyun lets out a bitter laugh. "Your feelings? Have you ever considered mine? At all?" He doesn't bother to try and pull his arm anymore, instead choosing to stare straight at Chanyeol. "You have no right to play that card with me, Park Chanyeol." His free arm hangs loosely by his side, fist clenched and shaking. "Not anymore."

 

"I do," Chanyeol leans in, breath fanning across Baekhyun's face, "you know I still do."

 

And Baekhyun could've sworn Chanyeol's tone is almost pleading.

 

When Chanyeol suddenly pulls him in and kisses him harshly, Baekhyun bites down hard on his lips, drawing blood, before using his free arm to punch him in the jaw.

 

Because Chanyeol needs to make up his ing mind.

 

--

 

"How long are you guys staying here for?" Baekhyun asks three days after.

 

Jongin looks up and smiles sheepishly from where he and Sehun are seated on the couch watching TV. Sehun ignores him and continues watching. "I like your house," Jongin finally says and turns his attention back to the TV once more.

 

Lu Han, sitting at their dinner table, glasses on and typing furiously on his laptop, lets out a sigh. "Sure is nice being young," he stops typing for a while to take a big gulp from his mug of coffee before continuing. "I swear, I'm so sick of typing this out I could go and someone." He turns to Baekhyun and grins. "Help me out?"

 

"Stop talking like a erted old man and go do your work," Jongdae mutters from across him, eyes focused on the book he's reading. He visibly twitches when Jongin and Sehun cause a loud commotion when one of the characters on screen dies. " this ," he tosses the book carelessly and walks over to join them, adding in his own part of the protest when he understands their reason.

 

Baekhyun hates this scene.

 

It's too homey; too natural. Too warm.

 

He's afraid of wanting this to last.

 

--

 

The four of them end up staying over for a whole week, and on the last day, Jongin absolutely insists on taking a picture for memories' sake.

 

Later, when Baekhyun is alone again in his house, he tries to fight off the stupid grin threatening to take over his whole face at the pictures sent from Jongin's phone.

 

He picks the best one and in a weak moment of sentimentality, sets it as his phone wallpaper.

 

That night, Baekhyun sleeps peacefully and thinks that maybe things would turn out alright after all.

 

--

 

"Your face sure does heal fast," Baekhyun comments idly as he and Chanyeol sit side by side on their bus away from home. Their classes for the new semester would be starting the next day.

 

Chanyeol scoffs. "That's because you hit like a girl."

 

"Sure I did. That's also probably why you screamed like a banshee after that, huh?" Baekhyun grins at Chanyeol.

 

"I did not."

 

"Yes, you did."

 

Baekhyun's kind of glad that there's nobody on the bus with them, except for the bus driver, because people would be looking right about now. Both of them never really learned how to keep their voices down during an argument.

 

"And your lips too. I was pretty sure I bit down pretty hard," Baekhyun assesses Chanyeol's lips.

 

Chanyeol makes a face. "That was uncalled for. And why are you talking so much all of a sudden? You seemed keen enough to get away from me last time."

 

Baekhyun turns his face to the front of the bus. "Because I know you'll just pretend nothing ever happened once we get back on campus. Might as well, right?" Baekhyun states matter-of-factly.

 

Chanyeol doesn't reply and they stay silent for the whole trip.

 

Once they arrive at their stop, because Baekhyun knows Chanyeol won't do anything, he touches Chanyeol's hand lightly, mutters I love you, and walks off.

 

As expected, Chanyeol doesn't say anything back.

 

--

 

Baekhyun's right.

 

After the start of the new semester, Chanyeol doesn't approach him once. Whenever they pass by each other, Baekhyun doesn't even bother to wave at Chanyeol anymore. What's the point, anyway?

 

Baekhyun feels tired all over again.

 

"I think we were doomed from the start." Baekhyun says one night as he, Lu Han and Jongdae sit at a table of a bar. He downs his mug of beer in one go and burps. "Things would've been so much easier if I had said yes back then. And then," he hits his chest with his fist, "I wouldn't be feeling all this . No." He steals Jongdae's mug of beer and finishes that too. "I would be happily ing my best friend right now. ." He slams his head down onto the table.

 

Jongdae makes a face and orders a new beer from the waitress. "Don't you think you should take something lighter?"

 

Baekhyun lets out a moan of distress and claws at Jongdae's hand across him. "No. Jongdae, help me."

 

He hears Lu Han snort from beside him. "What the hell could Jongdae do to help you? Drug Chanyeol up so you could have your way with him?"

 

Baekhyun stays silent for a while, seriously contemplating it.

 

Jongdae hits him across the head. "You wanna get arrested, idiot?"

 

--

 

"If things keep going on like this, you'll lose each other," Lu Han says as spring approaches.

 

"What do you know about preserving relationships?"

 

Baekhyun knows that was uncalled for, and he should probably apologize to Lu Han, but he's just so tired and it's been a long day and  he shouldn't have said that--

 

"I learned it from you, idiot."

 

Baekhyun lets out a scoff. "What the hell made you think that I'm a good example? As you can tell, I'm losing my best friend of over ten years because of my actions. And I'm not even doing anything about it." He smiles at Lu Han. "What did I ever do to make you think you could learn from me?"

 

Lu Han pauses, before: "You made us happen."

 

Baekhyun doesn't say anything to that, because in all honesty, he had to literally punch Lu Han just to get his number (it's complicated; Baekhyun remembers a lot of chasing). But it's different. It's just--

 

"If you tried that hard with a bastard like me, don't you think he deserves the same? If not more?"

 

Baekhyun exhales shakily, shoulders slumped. "Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I expected better. Maybe," he clenches his fist, "I'm sick of giving and giving without getting anything in return. Or maybe I just don't care anymore."

 

--

 

Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't take something colossal to make Baekhyun take action.

 

It takes a mere question.

 

"If you had a terminal illness and only a few months left to live, what would you do?"

 

"What the , Jongdae."

 

"Answer the question, Byun."

 

Because Jongdae actually looks serious, Baekhyun contemplates the question. "Uh. I'll try to get things done? Leave no loose ends, and all that."

 

"Right," Jongdae nods. "And if you implement this into your life, what would you be doing?"

 

Baekhyun frowns. "What are you trying to do?"

 

"Once again, answer the ing question."

 

"Fine. Uh," Baekhyun scratches his head. "I'd try to...uh. I'd visit all the people that I used to love but lost contact with, for one. And also," Baekhyun swallows, "getting my best friend back would be nice," he mumbles.

 

"What would you do in order to get him back?"

 

Baekhyun blinks, assessing the question; and then comprehension dawns. He throws his hands up in frustration. "I knew it. I ing knew it."

 

Jongdae grins. "Anyway," he starts casually, "Lu Han and I talked..."

 

Baekhyun has a really bad feeling about that talk. He swallows nervously. "And..?"

 

Jongdae pats Baekhyun's thigh. "I have your signed edition of Girls' Generation album. Do something, or else it ends up in the combustion section. And I will record it. And laugh."

 

"You are Satan."

 

--

 

Although Jongdae may have threatened him, Baekhyun knows that in the end, it's still up to him. That's the thing with Jongdae; he never does things without a reason. If he'd just wanted Baekhyun to do it, he wouldn't have asked him the question and just straight out mentioned the album. In the end, he probably wants Baekhyun to do it out of his own accord.

 

Baekhyun finds himself thinking over Jongdae's question later in bed. It's ironic how some of Jongdae's advice are similar to the things he used to tell Chanyeol.

 

What would you do if you were to die soon, Chanyeol?

 

Huh? I'm sorry, what?

 

If you were to die soon, what would you do?

 

Why so sudden, Baek?

 

Just answer the goddamn question.

 

Oh. Okay. Well, in all honesty...I would be fine with things as they are now.

 

What? So you mean you don't have a wish? At all? That's boring.

 

Well, I guess I'd like you to be there with me till the end?

 

Baekhyun remembers scoffing. And then: Are you an idiot? Of course I'll be there. You think it's that easy to get rid of me?

 

He remembers Chanyeol suddenly turning away from him and muttering to himself.

 

Oh. That was a few days before--

 

He is such an idiot.

 

Get your head out of your , Byun.

 

--

 

Try and try and try again.

 

"Let's talk."

 

Baekhyun swallows down his panic when Chanyeol looks at him strangely. He stands his ground and returns Chanyeol's stare.

 

"Uh..." Chanyeol scratches his head. "Okay?"

 

Baekhyun ends up bringing him to a cafe across the book store where he works.

 

They both sit across each other awkwardly, Baekhyun fiddling with the table cloth and Chanyeol looking everywhere but at him. The place is full; the incessant sound of students chattering with each other loud enough to distract Baekhyun from his urge to throw up from nervousness.

 

Finally, he clears his throat, causing Chanyeol to look at him. "Uh. You look nice." Baekhyun cringes.

 

Chanyeol quirks a brow. "Thanks. You don't look half bad yourself."

 

"I'll get straight to the point," Baekhyun blurts out. "Are you seeing anyone right now?"

 

"None of your business. Are you seeing anyone right now?"

 

Baekhyun sighs. Give something. "No."

 

"Oh really," Chanyeol deadpans. "So what the was that kiss I saw? With a guy?"

 

. This was a bad idea. But Baekhyun's determined to see it through. "I didn't say I didn't like guys too. If you were actually with me, then you'd know instead of freaking out and then acting like I'm cheating on you."

 

Chanyeol scoffs. "Aren't you?"

 

"I'm not," Baekhyun tries to keep his voice level. "Because we're not together," Baekhyun clenches and unclenches his fist. "Since you keep confusing the out of me."

 

"Aren't you talking about yourself?"

 

"At least," Baekhyun says, "once I make up my mind about something, I stick with it. Unlike you."

 

"How is kissing someone else when you claim to be in love with me not confusing?" Chanyeol gives Baekhyun an easy smile, and Baekhyun feels like punching him again because how dare he.

 

"Oh," Baekhyun lets out as calmly as he can and gives Chanyeol a smile of his own, "how is being jealous when someone you rejected kisses someone else not confusing?"

 

"Usually, when the person you're in love with kisses you, you kiss back."

 

"Not when that person just rejected you and acted like an ."

 

"What? So if I asked you politely, you'd be alright with it?"

 

"No, I'd only be alright with it if you'd made up your mind already."

 

"What the does that even mean?"

 

"It means you need to stop acting so contradictory!"

 

"You're the one who made me this way!"

 

"Chanyeol!" Baekhyun ends up screaming. "Tell me what you want."

 

When Chanyeol stands up and leaves without another word, Baekhyun groans and lets his head drop onto the tabletop.

 

"It's okay," he mumbles to himself. This is nothing. Don't give up.

 

Try and try and try again.

 

--

 

"Wow," Jongdae says. "You guys really ."

 

Lu Han snorts from his usual place as he basically inhales their dinner. "That's actually an improvement on our dear Baekhyun's part. You should've seen him the last time. You know what he said to me when he asked me out?"

 

Baekhyun groans. "Lu Han, don't--"

 

"I want to with you everyday until I have arthritis, because then I wouldn't have the capability to do it anymore. Quite sweet, really."

 

Jongdae chokes on his drink.

 

--

 

Honesty is the key; give up a part of yourself for the other person.

 

Baekhyun lets a weekend pass by before approaching Chanyeol again.

 

This time, he doesn't even bother with a greeting. He merely walks up to Chanyeol after class and pulls him away. Thankfully, Chanyeol doesn't resist.

 

Baekhyun finally stops walking when they reach the staircase by the football field. Their usual spot. He drags Chanyeol over by the arm. "Okay, sit down here." He plops down onto one of the steps and looks at Chanyeol expectantly. When Chanyeol doesn't move, he groans in frustration and pulls him down beside him, and Chanyeol complies.

 

Chanyeol sighs. "What now," he mumbles.

 

Baekhyun doesn't let that tone deter him. "So let's play a game."

 

Chanyeol frowns. "What kind of game?"

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and his lips nervously. "It's like Twenty Questions, where you have to answer every question honestly."

 

Chanyeol eyes him warily. "So that means no more lies or trying to avoid stuff, right?"

 

Baekhyun nods and tries to still his shaking hands. "No more." He looks at Chanyeol and smiles weakly. "Although if you still want to avoid it, you can say pass."

 

Chanyeol is silent for a moment. And then he nods. "Alright, sure. So who starts first?"

 

"Uh," Baekhyun looks down and winces. "You go first."

 

Chanyeol hums thoughtfully. "Okay. Here's my first one: Who was that guy you were kissing with?"

 

Ouch. He really gets to the point. "My ex. My turn," he says hastily when Chanyeol opens his mouth. "Are you seeing someone right now?"

 

"No. How long have you been seeing guys?"

 

"Since I was sixteen. What happened to that girl?"

 

"It didn't work out. What the , Baek; when I was away?"

 

Wow, Baekhyun hasn't noticed how much he misses Chanyeol calling him that. "Uh. Am I supposed to answer that or--"

 

"How many guys have you dated?"

 

"Two. Why didn't it work out?"

 

"Pass. How many guys have you slept with?"

 

Baekhyun swallows. Don't use pass, the whole point of this is to be honest with him. "I stopped counting," he finally mumbles out. "When did you break up with her?"

 

"Pass."

 

"Chanyeol, I know I said you could use--"

 

"So why did you reject me?"

 

Baekhyun sighs. "I was scared, Chanyeol," his voice cracks at the end, but he ignores it. "What do you want?"

 

"I want you to answer my questions. What do you want?"

 

"You."

 

Chanyeol doesn't say anything and Baekhyun takes in a deep, shuddering breath. "Do you want me?"

 

Chanyeol looks up. "Pass," he mumbles out. "What do you want from me?"

 

Baekhyun winces. "I want you to spend your life with me. I want to be there with you till the end."

 

"We could always do that as friends--"

 

"I can't, because I want you. Are you deaf?"

 

"No."

 

"Wait, that wasn't my question--"

 

"My turn," Chanyeol says and Baekhyun could kill someone. "How can I be sure that you won't be getting back together with your ex?"

 

"You can start by making up your goddamn mind. Are you jealous?"

 

"Pass. Was he your first boyfriend?"

 

"No, he's my second. Chanyeol, for god's sake, can't you at least attempt to answer the questions?" And then: "Wait, that wasn't--"

 

"Maybe. My turn. Who's your first one, then?"

 

"Kyungsoo; a kid from another school. you."

 

They go back and forth like this, until finally, Baekhyun breaks and asks, "Are you still in love with me? I just need to know that, please." pride,  because Baekhyun's getting sick and tired of all these.

 

Chanyeol doesn't even hesitate and says, "Pass."

 

--

 

"What happened?" Lu Han asks over the phone from work.

 

"I don't know myself, Lu Han. I don't even know what to do anymore."

 

--

 

Don't give up. Remember; try and try and try again.

 

Baekhyun comes to a decision a week later.

 

They're sitting across each other at the same cafe, in the same position.

 

"I want to go steady with you."

 

Chanyeol looks at him and doesn't say anything, a weary expression on his face. Well, that's what Baekhyun expected.

 

He sighs. "I'll tell you what; I'll give you a week to mull over it, and if by the end of that week you don't contact me or see me, then I'll let you go." He stops to observe Chanyeol's expression. His face is as blank as ever. Baekhyun wonders how the hell someone like Chanyeol could master the art of poker face when he used to have a heart attack at even the thought of lying.

 

"I won't bother you anymore, and I'll try to move on. Okay?"

 

Chanyeol still doesn't say anything.

 

Well, then. What else could he do?

 

Baekhyun stands up and thinks to hell with all these other people, and because he may never have the chance to do it again, leans forward to peck Chanyeol lightly on the lips. He realizes that this is the first one (and maybe the last one) that he initiates.

 

"I love you," he mumbles and walks out.

 

He doesn't even feel that surprised when Chanyeol, as usual, doesn't do anything.

 

Try and try and try again. But if by the third time the person doesn't give you anything back, however small it is, let go. Or else you'll be seen as a stalker, son.

 

Really?

 

And a relationship is about equality in taking and giving. If you're the only one who keeps on giving, then that person's probably not the one for you.

 

--