Why is it that my heart never wants to cooperate with me? No matter how many times I try to push him out of my thoughts he finds a way to invade my heart. I try to go about my day lying to myself. I don’t like him. I don’t want him. I don’t need him. And I most definitely don’t love him.

“What are you up to Minzy?”

I turn to see my best friend and competitor enter the room, “Hey, nothing much. Why? What’s up Dara?”Yes she’s my best friend and my competitor, but she doesn’t know it.

Dara shrugged her shoulders, “I’m bored. Let’s go do something.”

“Okay what do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, how about we go and get something to eat?”

“Sure. Let’s go,” I smiled as I picked up my purse.

After a great meal and a little chit chat we headed back to the apartment. Knowing how many calories I just consumed I had to do something about it.

“Dara I’m gonna head over to the studio do you wanna come?”

Dara rolled her eyes and sighed, “Minzy you just worked out this morning. Don’t you think you’re going to overdo it one of these days and pass out?”

I shrugged my shoulders as I grabbed my gym bag, “Well unlike you I have to continuously work out to keep my figure.”

“Hey I can’t help it if I was born like this. Anyways, I’ll just meet you over there later I got some stuff to do.”

“Alright see you over there.”

 

The studio is only a few blocks away so I always walk. When I was in front of the studio I couldn’t help but smile. It’s the one place I feel at peace with myself. As I walked in I passed by a couple of dance classes that were taking place and headed to the last room.

“Home,” I sighed as I entered the dark room as I flipped on the lights

.After a good stretch I connected my ipod to the sound system. As the music began to blast my body began to take on a mind of its own.F rom poppin and lockin to interpretive dance and cooling off with a little slow dancing.“Ah Toni Braxton,” I grinned knowing it was time for a cool down.

As Toni Braxton’s Breathe Again started to play I closed my eyes to imagine him in front of me. I imagine his handsome smiling face looking at me with all the love in the world for no one but me as he extends one hand out to me. Accepting his hand we begin to glide across the floor with so much grace and chemistry between us. As I was in the middle of my day dreaming I hear a little cough that brings me to. I open my eyes to see just the man that I was dreaming about.

Noticing that my hands were still up I quickly put them down, “Wha…what are you doing here?”

He shrugged his shoulders as he walked up to me and extended a hand out to me, “Looks like you could use a partner.”

Being a little embarrassed I shook my head, “Oh that’s okay.”

But in one swift motion he took me into his arms and placed my arms around his neck.I got goose bumps at his touch and couldn’t help but shiver. When he took me by the hips I thought I was going to pass out then and there. Dear Lord give me strength to not pass out in his arms, but then again that doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. He slowly began to sway us so I could get the feel of his motions, until we began to fully float around the studio room .As much as I was trembling in his arms I couldn’t help the smile that formed onto my lips as I looked at him. When he smiled back I couldn’t help but pull him closer. Naturally I laid my head onto his chest and I closed my eyes .Wanting to remember this moment I inhaled his scent of masculinity and Irish Spring soap. No one could ruin this moment.No one but…

“Hey guys,” Dara greeted as she walked in .In a split second my moment of pure bliss was shattered as he quickly pulled away from me.

“He…hey Dara,” he stuttered.

“Hey Taeyang have you been here for a while?”

“Oh no he just got here,” I interrupted to get their attention that I was also in the room.

Taeyang gave me a side glance before looking back at Dara, “Oh yeah I was just passing by.”

“Really? You were just passing by when you live on the other side of town,” Dara asked suspiciously.

Taeyang went quiet as he grinned trying to come up with another lie. He knew damn well why he came over. Oh great this is making me sick. Why am I still here?

“Well I’m gonna go. I got stuff to do,” I quickly began to pack my things.

“Minzy where are you going? I just got here and now you wanna leave,” Taeyang pouted.

It’s not that I wanna leave.“Oh sorry Taeyang…I really gotta get some stuff done,” I lied.

“And what stuff might that be,” Dara asked turning her suspicious gaze towards me.

“Stuff,” I simply answered to her. But before I left I turned and gave Taeyang an apologetic smile, “Sorry, but thanks for the dance.”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to ditch us,” Taeyang teased as he playfully grabbed Dara by the waist.

“Stop,” Dara squealed as she pushed him away.

Disgusting.“No you two go and have fun,” I lied as I left.

 

After a long hot shower I tried to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t be thinking about what Dara and Taeyang could possibly be doing.

Hours later Dara finally came back and plopped down next to me as I was aimlessly flipping through the channels on tv.“So how was it?”

“Eh it was alright. I don’t know why you never wanna tag along though,” Dara said as she nudged me.

I would be the third wheel duh! “I didn’t feel like going out,” I lied.

“Yeah right! You know if you came along things would be less awkward. I mean hanging out with him by myself is just weird.”

“Hanging out? Aren’t you guys like practically dating?”

Dara looked at me as if she was offended, “Dating?! Minzy get serious, I don’t see him that way and never will.”

“Why, because you still have feelings for GD,” I asked cruelly without intending it to sound that way.

“What’s with the hostility? Yeah maybe it is because I still have feelings for GD,” Dara replied back just as coldly.

“Dara he doesn’t like you like that. He told me…”

“That he had feelings for CL! I know this already, you don’t have to remind me,” Dara barked.

I sighed knowing all too well this subject would go nowhere, “I know you’re right I’m sorry. It’s just that I can’t understand why you still have feelings for him.”

Dara paused as she began to cool her temper, “Minzy it’s complicated. I want to forget him and move on, but my heart won’t let me. I can’t really explain it, but my love is too great for me to forget him. Do you know what I’m saying?”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders to give her a side huge, “I know exactly how you feel. I’m sorry Dara.”

 

Over the weeks Dara avoided Taeyang in hopes that he would forget her. I must admit that I was glad that Dara didn’t feel the same way but at the same time I felt bad for Taeyang. Her avoiding him just made him try harder to get in contact with her.

As I was stretching in the studio room I heard someone enter and I quickly turned to see Taeyang.“Taeyang what are you doing here,” I asked.

“Why hasn’t Dara answered any of my calls,” he asked right away.

“Umm…well…I don’t know how to put this.”

“Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, no you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…she doesn’t feel the same way you feel about her,” I slowly spoke.

Taeyang didn’t say a word and just stood there. After a couple of moments of silence he finally looked me in the eyes, “So I did do something wrong.”

“No Taeyang you didn’t. She just wants to be friends,” I replied. I’m so going to kill Dara for this! I could see that Taeyang didn’t believe a word I was saying. His eyes told me everything and before I knew it I took his hands in mines. Oooh crap wth am I doing?!As he looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes I embraced him tightly, “I’m so sorry.”

When he wrapped his arms around me I must admit I was in heaven.Taeyang then pulled away and caressed my face sending shocks of electricity down my spine. He stared at me with so much intensity that I took matters into my own hands. Without thinking I placed my lips onto his. I don’t know what came over me, but since I’m already in the moment might as well take advantage of it. I began to softly peck at his lips as he stood motionless. Alright he’s not stopping me. Slowly I wrap my arms around his neck as I tilt my head to deepen the kiss. His lips are so soft and delicious.

Before I could continue on I felt a firm grip on my wrists.“Minzy,” Taeyang coldly spoke as he pulled away. Crap!

“Umm…sorry,” was all I could think to say.

He glared at me as he held my wrists tight, “Is this how you really feel about me?”

“Uhh…maybe,” I quietly answered.

“Maybe?! Could you be the reason why maybe Dara doesn’t want to be with me?!”

 WHAT?! He can’t be serious!Yanking my wrists out of his grip I glared right back at him, “What?! How could you say something like that?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re the reason why she can’t love me,” he suggested.

“NO! Maybe the reason isn’t me,” I spat back.

“Then what is it,” he growled.

Fine, he asked for it.“Maybe the reason is that she loves someone else!”

“You’re lying,” he spoke in disbelief.

“Whatever, you can go ask her yourself I’m outta here,” I rolled my eyes as I began to gather my stuff.

“No you’re jealous of what Dara and I have. You badly want me but you can’t have me because I love Dara not you,” he shouted at me with so much anger. It felt like a million daggers to the heart hearing those harsh words from his mouth. But I wasn’t going to let him get the best of me.

Dropping my gym bag I marched straight up to him and slapped him hard across the face, “You’re right about one thing. I did envy how you looked at Dara, but you and Dara never had anything together!”I turned and swooped up my things and quickly raced out of the studio. I couldn’t let him see me cry. As I ran with blurred vision I didn’t want to stop when I reached the apartment. I continued to run and run.The thoughts of how he truly felt about me kept replaying in my mind making me run harder. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore.

As I sat on the sidewalk heaving for air tears mixed with sweat streamed down my face.The pain in my heart hurt more than my aching body did. Gratefully people didn’t pay any attention to me as I sat deep in thought. Watching the sun begin to set I decided I should head back home. Walking back to the apartment memories and dreams of Taeyang began to flood my mind. I sighed letting a stray tear fall here and there as I continued my journey home.

When I was nearing the apartments I spotted Taeyang. ! I can’t let him see me like this. I took the other way around and snuck in without him seeing me.

“Where have you been,” Dara squeaked with worry in her voice.

“Out,” was all I could say as I threw my bag to the floor.

“You look terrible! What happened? Taeyang has been blowing up the phone leaving messages for you.”

“Well tell him I’m not here. It’s better that way,” I said as I walked to my room.These stupid tears of mines kept falling even as I showered.

Feeling a little better from my shower I collapsed onto my bed to let my tears soak up my pillows.

“Minzy,” Dara tapped on my door

.I didn’t answer as she let herself in.

“Minzy did something happen between you and Taeyang?”

Again I didn’t answer affirming the answer to her question.“Minzy I know that you like him very much…”

“How did you know,” I asked surprised.

She grinned, “Because I’m your best friend. I just know these things. Minzy just give him time he’ll come around.”

I shook my head not wanting to hear it, “No he won’t and even if he did I won’t let him. He’s done enough already.”

Dara nodded, “I understand. But Minzy if you really love him then you’ll let him in.”

“No I won’t!”

“Maybe you won’t. But maybe your heart will.”

“I won’t. My mind is stronger than my heart.”

 

The one place that I loved I could no longer be there. If I wanted to keep him out of my heart I had to keep away from that place. It’s funny how things turned out this way. Over time Taeyang began to call only for me. I used to dream of him wanting to call and talk to me. But knowing the circumstances we were in, I knew it was because he probably felt bad for what he said to me. I don’t need or want his pity. I have had enough of his words.

"Dara I'm gonna head to the store. Do you need anything?"

"No I'm good. Thanks!"

"Alright I'll be back in a little."

As I was walking to the store the urge of wanting to see the studio got the best of me and I took the long way.When I stood in front of the studio I couldn't help but let out a long sigh. Oh how I miss you!

"Why the long sigh," asked the last voice I wanted to hear at the moment.

I acted as if I didn't hear him and continued to walk on."Minzy where are you going," he called after me.

Keep going. Don't look back! My pace quickened as I tried to get away from him.

Taeyang caught my wrist and held me firm in place as he softly spoke, "Minzy please."

His touch sent butterflies into my stomach. Damn it! I didn't say a word as he continued to hold onto my wrist, "I'm sorry about the cruel things I said to you. I didn't mean it. I was just so hurt hearing the truth that I put the blame on you. Please forgive me."

"Let go of me," I coldly said.

"Not until you forgive me."

I spun around and glared at him with so much hate, "I forgive you. Is that what you want me to say? Fine if that's what it takes for you to let go of me then I forgive you!"

"But I want you to mean it," he frowned.

"Then that's asking too much from me," I answered as I pulled my hand away.

"Minzy?"

"Don't! I don't need or want your pity," I said before turning to leave.

"I'm sorry," he shouted after me.

As I tried to block out his apology the tears started to fall.Yeah I'm sorry too.This stupid heart of mines won't cooperate. It keeps telling me that I'm most definitely in love with you.

 

Author's Notes:

Oops yeah I know this oneshot is quite long, but I hope you don't mind. This fic was inspired by a youtube clip of Dara and Minzy at Taeyang's party a while back. Hopefully that rings a bell lol. I wrote this as I was listening to Toni Braxton's Breathe Again. Anywho, thanks for reading!!!