✉ pain

"What where you thinking?"

She is enraged. How dare he fool around about their relationship! And he knows about her past. He knows how she would react if he ever did such a thing, and yet he did it anyway. How dare he!

"Look, Rin, I know you're probably really upset right now, but I-"

"If you knew how upset I would get, why did you still do it? What is wrong with you?"

Baekhyun really doesn't understand. He must not understand if he thinks that she will take his foolish antics as a joke. Love is not a joke. Love is something important that should be cherished and never lied about, and yet here he is, fooling around like an idiot!

Rin slams him against the wall. Her fingernails dig into his skin, and her breathing is so harsh that her chest heaves up and down with each breath. She is not the head Messenger for nothing: his bones feel like breaking under the pressure of her grip.

"Why did you even come here?"

"I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry-"

She shoves him to the ground, staring at him in disgust. He flinches at her gaze from his spot on the floor, the tears already starting to prick at the back of his eyelids.

"Go."

"Rin, I-"

"Go!"

Rin turns around and flees into the classroom, not even bothering to look behind her. He better be gone by the time she comes out, or her temper will flare even more. He better be gone, because she knows that she will hurt him. But she doesn't want to.

She doesn't want to hurt him, as mad as she is.

*   *   *   *   *   *

"You have to out your partner's soul."

Rin likes to meditate. It clears out all the thoughts in her head, and in that moment she is purely herself and nothing else. Her troubles get pushed out of her mind, and if she tries hard enough, everything - her thoughts and even her senses - falls away. A blank space surrounds her; all she gets left with is her soul in its most natural form, burning inside her like a flame that cannot be put out. If she stays still long enough, the flame consumes her. It swallows her whole, and that is when she starts to feel it: the energy of the world. The most natural form of energy is a part of everything, dwelling deep within each and every creature of the world. It connects all parts of the universe together, uniting people's souls into a connection so profound, not even the most prestigious scholars can come up with an exmplanation for it.

Rin likes to call it the "soul connection."

Now, several hours after hearing those words from Mr. Kim, she knows. She may be afraid of the bond they have - it is too strong for her liking, and he is bound to get hurt - but anything is better than doing such a thing to him. Take away Baekhyun's soul? She doesn't know how to, but even then, there is no way that she is capable of hurting him like that. It would be like ripping his brain from his head, or pulling off his legs, or even brainwashing him... No, she could never do that. Not to him. Doing so would sever his soul connection with the world. He would be ripped away from his identity, and the energy connecting him with everyone would disappear.

He would be alone.

The guilt seeps into her gut slowly, making its way inside her inch by inch. Each second that goes by makes it multiply exponentially: slowly, slowly, slowly, it eats away at her insides. The relaxed stupor she had been in before disappears almost instantly, and the thoughts come rushing up to her in a wave so big she can hardly comprehend them. She has to apologize, or else she will go crazy.

But where can Rin find him? She had sent him away in a fit of rage; who knows where he could have gone in a few hours? The image of his eyes, glistened with tears, flashes through her head. Oh, no. Rin wants to be mad. She wants to feel the anger building up inside her until it bursts into flames, but she can't. Not with Baekhyun. He somehow manages to make everything she does seem evil with those innocent brown eyes of his.

"Baekhyun, where are you?' she mumbles under her breath as she gets up from her sitting position and makes her way out of the back gardens. The smell of the ocean - salty and fresh and wild - climbs its way up her nose, tickling her senses. An inky blue crawls its way across the sky, overlapping with the lazy oranges and pinks of the setting sun. Unlike most days, the beautiful view does nothing to calm the thoughts whirling around her head. She is nervous. Her body is tight and coiled like a spring, ready to jump.

Where is Baekhyun?

If anything happens to him, it will be her fault. She is the one who had sent him away in the first place. Maybe if she had been more lenient with him, he would have stayed by her side, and things would patch up by themselves. They would be friends again. Her relationship with him is strange; they are never too close but never too far apart, either. When things get out of hand or they get into an argument, it fixes itself just like a person's body heals a wound. The scar develops as a reminder, but they are still able to function properly even with it there.

As she thinks about it more, Rin realizes that the only things holding them together are the scars they have made over the years. Their relationship is a patchwork quilt sewn together haphazardly with pieces of fabric that aren't meant to hold. Pull one threat and it falls apart.

She takes a step out of the back gate as the smell of the ocean invades her nostrils again, accompanied by a strong gust of wind. Her hair whips around her, the strands each taking sharp strikes to her face. It starts to sting as the wind blows even harder, and the smell of the city makes its way towards her as well. It is rough, and there is a trace of alcohol to it. Oh. Rin remembers with a silent groan that it is a Friday, which means that many people will flock to the bars, and the sun has already set, which means that the bars will definitely be full by now. She ruffles her short bob of hair in frustration, biting her lip. If Baekhyun has taken refuge in a bar, how is she going to find him? There are so many littered around the city, and sifting through every single one would take forever.

It's going to be a long night.

*   *   *   *   *   *

"Jongin, we have to do it tonight. He said that they would be coming tonight."

Kyungsoo receives a pained look from his friend that is all too familiar to him. They never asked anyone to do this. They never wanted to do this. They certainly never wanted to turn into murderers. And yet, here they are, bound by their own foolish words: "I promise to follow all orders from my instructors and pledge loyalty to Sailles Academy."

They hold each other's gazes for a moment, a feeling of understanding passing between the two: they will make it as quick and clean as possible. Evidence should not be traced back to them, and there should be no chances of them getting caught. They were trained not to get caught; they are not allowed to get caught. Under no circumstances should they form feelings of attachment for their target, and under no circumstances should they feel any bits of remorse for their target.

Despite all these rules and regulations echoing in their heads, both boys feel the guilt already. The blood is not on their hands yet, but the sick feeling is already entering their minds. Being compassionate by nature, both boys just can't help it.

Meanwhile, Sehun is taking everything in stride.

"Well?" His impatient voice crackles in the boys' ears. "Let's get this started."

Jongin sighs and gets up from his bed, patting Kyungsoo on the shoulder as he makes his way over to their closet. He pulls the handle, opening the door and revealing a normal storage area: there are clothes on the racks and shoes littered on the floor. However, there is more to it than meets the eye. WIth steely eyes and trembling hands, he sinks to his knees and pushes the shoes aside, his hands probing the floor underneath. The carpet is so soft underneath his fingers that it's almost comforting until he encounters the cold, distinct feel of metal. His fingers search a bit more until they latch onto the underneath of the metal surface. Taking a deep breath, he pulls.

Click.

The floor of the closet lifts slowly, the shoes Jongin pushed aside sliding down around him. Kyungsoo gets up from his seat close by and positions himself behind Jongin, holding his breath. They've done this so many times. They've done this so many times that the procedure is branded into his mind, yet he always feels nervous whenever it happens. His hands clench the back of Jongin's shirt as he grits his teeth, the anger and frustration eating away at him.

The exposed area reveals three rows of guns and knives, all ranging in shape and size and all dangerous enough to kill a grown man in a few seconds. Jongin's face remains stoic while Kyungsoo looks at the weapons in hatred, a shiver racing across his spine. He sees them every day for practice, yet they always manage to make him disturbed every time he lays his eyes on them. Knowing that he uses them makes him feel disgusted. Knowing that he has no choice but to use them makes him feel ashamed.

"Jongin, I don't want to do this anymore."

He hears his friend sigh.

"We have to, unless you want these things to be used on you instead," the other boy says harshly, shoving a large gun into Kyungsoo's hands.

He knows that what Jongin is saying is absolutely true, but he still can't help it when his eyes widen and his insides churn. The nausea grows as each second passes by, and the deadly weapon in his hands is only making it that much worse.

"Guys, come on. If you don't get your butts moving, we're going to miss it," Sehun huffs into their earpieces.

Shaking his head, Jongin walks out the door as he slips a knife into the belt around his waist, pulling down his shirt to hide any traces of the weapon. Kyungsoo shoves the gun into his backpack with shaky hands as he hurriedly follows after the other boy, trying to will the feeling of anxiety down. He can't afford to let his mind wander today. He has been assigned as the leader of the mission for once, and messing up will probably end up with him losing such an important position; he'll probably be kicked out of his group and into one of the rookie ones, leaving him with annoying and whiny juniors. Nope. He can't let that happen unless he wants to be separated from Jongin.

Kyungsoo clenches his fists around the straps of his backpack and walks just a bit faster, taking determined steps until he ends up in front of his friend. However, the other boy merely catches up to him and bumps his shoulder playfully, casting a silly grin his way. Sending a small smile back, Kyungsoo feels himself relax. At least he is calm enough to joke around a bit, despite their stressful mission. It's comforting. Jongin always knows what to do to make him feel better, and that only gives him another reason to do his best. He really, really, doesn't want to fail this now.

"Kyungsoo, Jongin... I suggest you get your asses over here."

Sehun's anxious voice startles both of them. He can tell that Jongin is about to flip the younger boy off; Sehun is always joking around, so of course they think that he's just getting impatient. Jongin is enraged. How can Sehun fool around during such an important mission? If they fail, they will get demoted and will probably never be able to rise up to their high status ever again. Jongin opens his mouth, about to curse Sehun for his antics, when his frantic voice strikes again.

"There are two figures coming my way. I repeat, there are two figures coming my way, and one of them appears to be holding the package of interest.

Kyungsoo's eyes widen in distress and he breaks off into a spring, Jongin following close behind. This is impossible! They were not expected to come until a few hours later; what could have inclined them to come even faster? However, it makes sense, in a way. Of course they would want to carry out the task quickly. Having such an important item in their hands would only lead to danger, so of course they would want to drop it off quickly... Cursing under his breath, he wills his legs to pump even harder. He wills himself to go even faster. Coming a second later might be a second too late.

"Sehun..." he implores, hoping that the other boy will get the message. He wants to say more, but the burning in his lungs is preventing him from doing otherwise.

"I know, don't worry. I'll hold them off for a bit."

Kyungsoo hears Sehun move out of his position in the bushes - the rustling of leaves are enough information for him to realize this - and soon, Sehun's friendly voice echoes in his ears. He listens intently to their conversation for a bit as he calculates how much time this will give them. Maybe a few minutes, if his predictions are correct.

With that in mind, he leads Jongin through the narrow roads of the city, trying to dodge populated areas and sticking to the mysterious dark alleys. They get suspicious stares from the few passerby that they encounter, but other than that, no one stops them to ask what they are doing. Who would? The city is big enough for everyone not to inquire upon others' business, and there is too much going on in their own lives for citizens to care about what two teenage boys plan on doing, even if their plan includes killing one - or maybe two - people.

Years of training echoing throughout his brain, Kyungsoo tenses his muscles and jumps as high as he can, latching onto the edge of a building and pulling himself up onto the roof. He is breathing hard when Jongin climbs up after him, looking equally as frazzled. They nod to each other, offering reassuring glances that ease their anxiety just for a moment, before running off again. This time, they are more cautious but just as quick, running in the shadows to prevent themselves from being seen. They jump from roof to roof with so much agility it almost seems inhuman, but the burning in their legs and the shortness of their breaths are a deadly reminder that they are far from immortal. They can tire out and they can die, but it's not like they were taught to acknowledge this. No. The two boys have it drilled into their brains that they should not, under any circumstances, falter during a mission. They are to keep on moving at full strength until the goal is accomplished. Only then can they rest.

And so, repeating these teachings inside their heads, Jongin and Kyungsoo merely ignore their fatigue and hurriedly make their way to the Post Office. The building is four stories tall, but they have come prepared. Jongin grabs a length of rope from Kyungsoo's backpack, a piece of metal attached at the end. He hurls it as high as he can and grunts in victory when it snags at the top.

As they carefully climb up the side of the building, Kyungsoo keeps a close eye on the two figures. They seem to be in an animated conversation with Sehun. He briefly wonders what they are talking about until he feels Jongin hiss at him from above. He is too preoccupied with his thoughts. Shaking his head, Kyungsoo pulls himself up even faster. With the wind whipping at his face and the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he feels invincible. He feels unstoppable, but the sick feeling settling in his stomach like lead is growing. It is with growing horror that he realizes something he should have thought of before. The people below - one appears to be a girl while the other is a taller male - are his targets. These two seemingly innocent people shall be his victims. He has to kill these two people tonight.

He is going to commit a murder tonight.

The backpack resting on his shoulders suddenly feels extremely heavy. With each pull upwards, Kyungsoo feels the weight of the gun inside the bag even more than before.

"Kyungsoo," Jongin warns from above, "come on."

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo's trembling fingers grab onto the hand offered to him. Jongin squeezes his hand before pulling him up. They both situate themselves at the edge and look at the ground below them, adrenaline preventing them from staying still and fear causing them to quiver.

The backpack is zipped open. Kyungsoo takes the weapon into his hands, biting his lip and cursing. The gun feels heavier than usual, and there are tears pricking at the back of his eyelids and Jongin just looks sorry. They're both sorry. They're both so, so sorry, but they can't do anything about it.

"Locate the target, position your weapon, and shoot."

Kyungsoo looks up, startled, and lets his gaze rest upon his friend.

"Locate the target, position your weapon, and shoot," Jongin repeats slowly, the message in his eyes all too clear.

He can pretend. They can just pretend. This doesn't have to be real. It can all be a dream, and he'll kill somebody and then he'll go to sleep and he'll wake up, and it will all be a dream. He doesn't have to be a murderer. He doesn't have to be an assassin or a trained killer or someone attending Sailles Academy. He'll just be Kyungsoo, and Jongin will be Jongin, and Sehun will joke about this sooner or later and they'll all be caught in some illusion that they've built for themselves. This is not real. This will never be real, and Kyungsoo is starting to feel okay. Kyungsoo is feeling better already, and the gun in his hands is not real and this is all some stupid make-pretend game and it's not real.

The gun isn't real, and his hand resting on the trigger is not real, and the recoil shocks his arms but it's not real!

No. He hasn't killed anyone. He hasn't.

It's all just a game, and they are trained to do this, and he doesn't feel anything anymore. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and watches the person fall to the ground, clutching their abdomen, and where is Sehun? A flurry of thoughts invades his mind and enters his head in a cacophony of white noise. He can't feel anything. It's as if he's watching all of this unfurl on a television screen. He's just watching TV with Jongin next to him, and he did not just shoot someone in the stomach.

He's just watching TV, and the part where he puts the gun back into his backpack and climbs off the roof with Jongin is all just a dream, and he'll wake up and everything will be okay again.

 author's note 

Sorry for the long wait! Here it is!

4.07.2016 Edited this chapter :)