✉ her guardian

"Baekhyun," she whispers brokenly, cupping his face with her hands. "Baekhyun, why would you do that?"

She already knows the answer to her question, yet she inquires anyway. There really is no point in asking a question with an answer you already know, but many people do it. They need a sense of security. Sometimes things need to be repeated twice for them to really sink in. And sometimes things need to be repeated twice just to fill the silence eating away at a person. Truthfully, there are an infinite amount of reasons why a person asks a question they already know the answer to.

He smiles at her sadly as he pits his hands over hers. They are warm and comforting, and the mere thought of such an innocent boy getting hurt because of her makes her body shake.

"It's alright, Rin. I'm your Guardian now."

Her hands pull away from him, and they rest at her sides as they ball into fists. She is trembling, and she can taste the salt of her tears on her lips. Crying makes her feel weak. Shame washes through her as she blinks furiously and all he does is stand there.

"No. It's because you are my Guardian that nothing is alright!"

He doesn't seem to realize what is so wrong with the situation. Of course he doesn't. He was never educated; he's just some boy taken in by her boss who was turned into his servant. Just some boy on the streets looking for a job, ignorant towards everything else going on around him. She is sure that the only things he knows how to do are file papers and clean the floors. There is a slight chance that he knows how to read, but she doubts it.

"Rin, I have to protect you. That's all there is to it, right?" he asks, a desperate tone in his voice even though he is smiling serenely.

But that's not all there is to it. She knows, and somewhere deep down, he must know it as well. The connection between a Guardian and Master is much stronger than most people think. Baekhyun can't feel it because he doesn't know yet, but Rin can. She can feel it as clear as day, as if the confusion rolling off of him in waves is her own.

"Baekhyun, don't you feel it?"

Rin clenches her fists even harder as she lets her anger take over. It washes over her in a violent wave, and she knows that Baekhyun can feel it as well when he flinches and even takes a step backwards.

He is looking at her like a kicked puppy, and his large brown eyes almost, almost make her break down and pull him into a bone-crushing hug. Almost.

"I feel it, but why are you so angry?"

Why? Why? He, of all people, should know.

Wasn't he the one who consoled her every time she came to him, a broken girl with broken bones and a broken heart? Or was it all just an illusion to him?

He, of all people, should know! Forming a bond with someone like her was strictly forbidden. She had said it to him herself, her voice nothing but a sigh of wind as she had uttered the words she had been saying ever since she had become who she was: "Stay away from me."

She had distanced herself from anyone and everyone, yet he somehow managed to climb over her walls that no one was meant to pass. He had pushed and shoved his way right into the core of her soul and managed to violently strike her in the heart, where it hurt the most. With a strong will and determination she had never seen before, he forced her to create a spot in her heart for him big enough to fit. Once she realized what he had done, she was terrified. Rin is sure that she could have pushed and shoved him out the way he had come. After all, he had only forged his place a short while ago, when she had come to him, half dead. Baekhyun had nursed her back to health, and when she was completely healed, she realized that he had found a place in her heart. He had found his way in when she was most vulnerable, only having her know it happened when she was strong enough to resist. But it was too late.

She had planned on pushing him away as soon as possible, but he is her Guardian now.

It is even worse because breaking the link between a Guardian and Master is unheard of. She is trapped now.

All her thoughts and emotions push their way through her head and into Baekhyun's. He stares at the ground guiltily, and she realizes with a shock that the little droplets falling to the ground are his tears.

He looks up at her: depressed, broken, and insecure. He looks just as he had three years ago, the day he had come from the streets and started to work at the Post Office. Over the years, he had managed to repair himself, but it seems now that all her harsh thoughts have put his hard work to waste. He is the old Baekhyun. He is the Baekhyun who cried himself to sleep and thought that the world had no hope left to give him. As Rin sees such a Baekhyun for the first time in years, she thinks maybe that the old Baekhyun never really disappeared. Maybe he was hidden under all those smiles and laughter, and is coming out once again.

She stares at him and thinks, I am the one who should feel guilty, not him.

"Baekhyun," she starts cautiously, taking his hands into hers, "come here."

He looks up at her, his eyes glistening. Her insides churn with remorse. It is an unpleasant feeling that burns inside of her stomach like acid and settles there like lead.

"Stop crying, alright?" she smiles, taking the edges of his mouth and pushing them upwards. "The Baekhyun I know is always smiling. So smile."

He lets out a laugh, mangled and a bit distorted from crying; it comes out as a choked sob instead.

"I'll take you, Baekhyun, so stop crying."

"You will?"

"Of course! Who wouldn't want such a handsome boy like you?"

Their newly formed bond allows her to feel every single bit of his embarrassment, but it's not like she needs it. The cherry red painted onto his cheeks is enough evidence for her.

With a chuckle, she pulls him out the door and they travel through the large, elegant halls of the Post Office. Being a highly ranked Messenger, the people passing by take their time to greet her with a respectful bow of the head. Some even stop her and have a small chat; they exchange pleasantries until Baekhyun gets impatient and tugs on her hand. Had it been anyone else, she would have ignored their pleas and continued to talk, but this is Baekhyun. He is the epitome of cute, with his sparkling puppy-dog eyes and irresistible, pink lips. The fact that he is a bit on the short side also seems to help, although he never appreciates it when people point that out.

As they walk out the main entrance and make their way through the busy cobble-stoned streets of the city, Rin can't help but grin.

"You're wearing your shoe lifts, aren't you?"

"No!" Baekhyun splutters, "I mean- I don't even own such things." He lifts his chin up haughtily and crosses his arms. "I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about."

Rin taps the heels of his shoes playfully. He is nervous, considering that the slight antsy feeling in the back of her head is getting stronger. Why he is getting nervous, Rin isn't sure. Maybe he doesn't want her to think that he cheated on his height (which he clearly is doing). It's not like she would care, though. He is considered as short - although he will never admit it - and shoe lifts aren't a crime to have.

"Oh, come on, Baek. I know you've got some on. I've been with you long enough to know your real height."

"And I've been with you long enough to know where you're ticklish," he replies back evenly.

Her eyes widen as she takes a few steps back. Memories of their tickle fights flash through her head. He wouldn't dare to-

"Baekhyun, don't touch me!"

But he is already running towards her with his hands outstretched.

She is a fast runner, but Baekhyun is faster. Somehow their running manages to take them to the park, and together they tumble into the grass, not even caring that everybody is probably staring at them - which they are.

His fingers wiggle their way down her sides, and she jolts in his grasp, gasping and laughing and her breath is being taken away. She looks at him through her haze of laughter and can't help but think that he is beautiful, especially during times like these. He always had such a nice eye smile. There is one on his face now - his eyes crinkle into half moons, and a smile is plastered onto his face, natural and all teeth. She also can't help but think that maybe she loves him. Maybe. But then the voice deep down inside her heart tells her that she may love Baekhyun, but not as much as she loves him.

Him, the boy who had broken her heart, only to put it back together and break it again. She should hate him. She does, she really does, but she also knows that some part of her hidden away loves him too much to care about what he has done to her.

Baekhyun is perfect He is handsome; he is friendly; he is everything she could ever want. Most of all, he cares for her just as she cares for him. So why can't she just love him?

But she can't love him, because she knows that he is still alive.

Somewhere out there, her first love is alive and breathing. He probably never thinks about her, but until the day she knows that there is absolutely no chance that she will see him again, that is when she will let go. Only then.

Why does love have to be so difficult? she thinks to herself sadly.

 author's note 

Ahhh Baekhyun fluff. o u o

2.27.2013 I'm slowly starting to change the format of the chapters. slowly...

4.02.2016 Once again, I am slowly starting to change the format of the chapters...