My mother’s worried face greeted me when I opened my eyes again. A stranger is talking to my father on the door. I’ve never seen him that worried before. My mom also looked like a mess. What happened to me? I tried to speak but my throat hurts so badly.

“Jae-yah… don’t talk yet, neh? I-if something bad hap… I-I mean it doesn’t matter anymore.” My mom looked away for a bit, her eyes b with tears. It finally dawned to me that I am in the hospital. I felt a sudden jolt of pain in my head and I closed my eyes. I can’t seem to breathe and my mom finally burst into uncontrollable sobs. “Jae! Jae-yah!” I heard her call me, I wanted to speak but I can feel the darkness consuming me…   

“Yun ho!” I opened my eyes and saw Changmin and Junsu sleeping on chairs beside me. They woke up and Junsu immediately rushed to my side.

“Jae! Are you fine now? You made me really worried about you.” I smiled weakly at him. My gaze fell to Changmin, I noticed that he is uneasy but I was too weak to pay attention.

“W-what happened to me? Junsu where is Yun ho? Is he real?” Junsu flinched when he heard Yun ho’s name. He tried to hide it but I now know Yun ho is real. “Yah, you made me worried and now you bombard me with nonsensical questions. You almost died you know. If you were feeling so sick, you should have called someone. When they found you there wasn’t any response from you, your mom even thought you were dead.” I learned that my fever got so high that I was already having convulsions. I slept for a week in a semi coma state and developed minor pneumonia. I don’t know how a simple headache leads me to that. I don’t even know why I’m still thinking of Yun ho when I almost died.

“Junsu, stop scaring Jae like that, neh? He is alive so let’s be happy.” Changmin smiled but when I looked at him, he averted his gaze. I haven’t seen him for two years and he felt different, he is not the Changmin I know, and I wonder why.

It was three days already after I was discharged from the hospital. I wanted to squeeze the truth from my friends but they all avoided me.

 I think Yun ho disappeared. I went to the university today and nothing felt out of place. The paranoid feeling of someone following, watching me was gone. It had been three days and I actually hoped he would follow me again, I think I am falling… no, I can’t be. Still, I need to find out the truth.

I reached the bus stop and without warning, the hairs on my neck stood up. He is here. I acted casually and rode the bus when it came. That feeling stayed and I know he rode too. I can almost imagine him sitting at the back, watching me. I didn’t even realize that I was holding my breath. My heart feels like it was going to burst out any minute now. I wanted to look behind me, wondering if I would recognize his face immediately. The bus is only half-full so I know if I turn around, I would see him.

I am almost at my stop but I still haven’t found the courage to look at him. I know he is still there. A group of female students boarded the bus. They looked at me and I realized they are eyeing me. Pretending to be a gentleman, I stood up and offered them my seat. The girl asked my number but I just smiled at her. I used this chance to look at the back of the bus. I pretended to give them space. Finally, I looked behind me, expecting Yun ho… but it was Chang min standing behind me. He smiled, but I can’t think anymore. Why is he there? Is he my stalker? Where is Yun ho? What if he is Yun ho... no he can't be.

“Jae… I know this is shocking, I'm sorry it took me this long to confess.” I looked at my hands, they are trembling. Changmin held my hand, I wanted to push it away, but I don’t have the strength. He must have felt my anger and he took his hand away.

“Jae… I am sorry. I really am so sorry but it’s because of my selfish love.” I looked down, felt my shirt slowly get wet with my tears. I don’t know what to feel. Am I crying for my lost memories, or am I crying for Yun ho? We sat there in the park for I don’t know how long. Changmin didn’t try to talk anymore and I welcomed the silence.

When I can’t cry anymore, I lifted my face and realized it was already dark. I sighed, but I made up my mind already. “Where is Yun ho Changmin?”

We rode the longest bus ride of my life. I can’t stop thinking about what Changmin just told me. I think he is not really lying. I trusted Changmin; he is someone to whom I shared everything. He knows everything, but he… I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, but what matters now is that I finally know what really happened. The sad thing is, I know, but I don’t remember. I thought that knowing and remembering is just the same, but they are words that can’t even be compared, at least for me.

2010, two years ago, I fell in love with a guy who only approached me because of a bet he had with his friends. At first, I thought I’d make him think I am really smitten by him and then make him love me for real before I dump him. However, I fell for him instead. I thought that even if we started wrongly, we are really meant to be.

I had my happiest year during 2010 because of Yun ho. I wasn’t bothered of his lie anymore because I love him so much. Before Christmas, my dad accidentally discovered I have a boyfriend and he was so mad. My best friend Changmin helped me pass letters to Yun ho because I can’t see or talk to him anymore. With Changmin’s help, we promised to see each other on Christmas Eve.

Yun ho didn’t come. I almost froze to death waiting for him until the sun rose. I felt so sad in the cold but still I waited for him. My parents finally found me, but I never saw Yun ho again. While I was in the hospital, Changmin visited and told me Yun ho can’t come. Still I waited for him but Changmin told me he left already. I became depressed, tried killing myself. Everything was a mess and it hurt so much. I waited, crazy about my love, I kept the faith that he will come back. I sent countless messages, called him every day. But there was no response.

October 14 2011. I sat in front of the computer waiting for the letter I was supposed to receive. I thought I can forgive him and we could start again. It never came. He didn’t even make that letter when he told me he would. Yunjae wasn’t real, it was just my illusion. I cried until I passed out. When I woke up I have no more Yun ho in my memory and life went on as if nothing happened.

“Changmin, why did you do that?” Changmin stared outside the window. I know he is crying, he regrets it, but I can’t even imagine forgiving him. “Jae, I liked him even before you two met. I tried hard not to, but I just love him so much.” Changmin wiped his tears away and sighed. For two years he was burdened by it that he never even tried to show himself even to Junsu and Yoochun.

“When, he told me to give you a letter I don’t know what came over me and I just did it. You never noticed it wasn’t his handwriting because, as you said, me and Yun ho’s handwriting is so similar. I thought I won’t do it again, but I just found myself writing to you pretending to be Yun ho. I never gave your letters to him either. When you said you wanted to meet him, I thought it was a good chance to get rid of you. I told Yun ho that you discovered him betting with his friends about you and that you never want to see him again. He cried and he tried to meet you, but I held onto him. “

“On Christmas eve I told him, ‘Jaejoong wants to see you’. I made you go to the park and I told Yun ho to go in front of the school where you first met. I felt so guilty doing that… I chickened out and ran to where Yun ho is, hoping that i can still undo my mistake… but when I came there h-he… he was hit by a car. I cried seeing him lying on the street, bathed with his own blood. I thought it was my fault, I tried to carry him but he pushed me away. He kept on saying, ‘Jaejoong is coming, and he’ll get mad if I am not here. Changmin, he is coming, I will wait right here. Jae…’ he passed out and I brought him to the hospital. Then I came to you, but I can’t face you. I can’t say ‘Jae I lied, Yun ho was hurt’, I tried to approach you, but all I did was cry in the corner. I finally called your parents and ran away.”

“I kept all this in, punishing myself for the unforgivable sin that I committed to both of you. I almost killed my best friend and the man I love. I waited for Yun ho to wake up but he never did. Sometimes he would cry, tears would just flow and the doctor said it was common for coma patients. But I know… he is crying for you Jae.”

I swallowed hard. Hearing Changmin talk about it for the second time help me absorb the reality. I can’t cry anymore and I chuckled, it was like a drama. Are we Romeo and Juliet? When my parents brought me to the hypnotherapist, did I beg them to erase Yun ho from my memory? When that doctor hypnotized me to forget Yun ho, did I ask for it or did I tell them not to do it? I still can’t remember, but I feel like somehow it is straining to get out from the back of my mind. But maybe if I see Yun ho, will the hypnosis be lifted?

“Changmin… the diary, the letters you sent them all to me. That email that I was supposed to receive… it is so confusing.”

“Jae the email, I don’t know what happened to it. I think Yun ho decided to write a letter and give it to you personally. The diary, the letters that December and all your memories with Yun ho, your mom asked me to throw them away. But I kept them all. I followed you around and took care of Yun ho. I thought if I slowly try to send you your memories with Yun ho, you would remember. I did that because I think he is still waiting for you, that’s why he won’t wake up. I thought I could at least atone for my sins if I find a way for you and him to be together again.”

"That day when mom and dad went to the reunion. Was it you who placed the diary on my table?" He nodded and I closed my eyes. "Jae, your mom saw me standing in front of your house and we had a little chat. She asked me if I want to see you. So I took that opportunity to go to your room and check if you are reading the letters I sent you. I found them unopened so I did that."

We went inside a private room. A table caught my eye and I felt my heart being squeezed. The table is filled with my pictures. Among them a photo of Yun ho and I, which looks the same as the one in the diary, is neatly framed and dominated the middle. On my left there he is, lying and waiting for me. I stopped walking, this is Yun ho. My heart is beating like crazy. It seems that my heart can recognize him even when my brain cannot. “Go on Jae… he is waiting for you…”

The sight of him made my heart race and I slowly made my way towards him. I may not be able to remember him but I think I fell in love with him right there. “Y-Yun ho… Yun ho? I am already here. Why are you like this?” I reached for his hand and held it tight, it felt warm. His sleeping face looked troubled though, that my heart started to ache for him. I thought my tears had dried up, but I still found myself crying. I felt happy, sad and confused at the same time but I know I am in the place where I should be. I forced myself to remember, I still can’t… but then maybe it doesn’t matter anymore. When Yun ho wakes up, we’ll start again and make many memories together. I touched his face and I thought he looks more peaceful now.

“I won’t let you walk away from my memories anymore, Yun ho. Now you have to fulfill your promise to be always beside me no matter what.”

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A/N:(I rarely rant on the end of my fics but i think I have to do this) To make everything clear since a lot is asking me it's like this, Jae forgot everything about yun ho because of hypnosis. He has to rely on what Changmin has told him, so he doesn't really know what happened two years ago. Dec 24 2010,YunJae were supposed to meet. Jae is in the park and Yun ho is in the school. Yunho got into an accident and became a coma patient, Jae was not told what happened to Yun ho and Jae thought that Yunho fooled him and left him. Jae's parents brought Jae to be hypnotized and he forgot Yun ho. Junsu and Yoochun never told Jae, they thought that Yun ho is really a bad guy because Changmin and Jae's parents hid the truth. Changmin resurfaced again after two years to seek forgiveness and reunite the the two lovers.

I think many people are quite confused about hypnosis, I hope this article can help: hypnosis and memories

and many wants a sequel... I'll try when i'm not to busy, so why don't you guys check my other yunjae fic? at least that one is fluff and won't make you cry haha

I hope you all enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.…I worked hard on this so a comment would be nice. No silent readers! XD