The rain drops quietly on the window frame. The cool breeze caresses his skin slightly but enough to wake him up from the blankness. He is being cold, so cold, inside and outside. Neither because of the rain nor the wind, it is just for the feeling of loss. Actually he hasn’t really lost anything, or to be exact anyone. It is just… just… he still can’t find the right words to describe his status right now…

Today, the love of his life – Kim Jaeseop - has gone. He has left Korea, left Kissme’s, left U-KISS and left Kiseop all alone. Of course he won’t leave forever. Of course he left for his betterment. Everyone knows. Everyone accepts. Everyone except one. Being so stubborn yet so sensitive, Kiseop still can’t get over what has just happened. Unlike everyone, he didn’t cry when seeing Jaeseop off. Only keeping silent, he watched his secret crush’s figure disappear into the stream of rushing people at the airport. Secret, always secret and forever secret. Kiseop always works secretly, tries secretly, lives secretly, cries secretly and loves secretly. He was always like that in the past. He is always like that at the present. He will be always like that in the future. He is too afraid to break his habit since that may put many things of his at risk. He wanted to confess his love to Jaeseop. But he was afraid his confession might prevent Jaeseop from finding his true happiness. He wanted to beg Jaeseop to stay when he heard Jaeseop announced that he would study in Columbia University for five or six months. But he was afraid that might make it harder for Jaeseop to leave and achieve his dream. This time he wanted to confess his love, to beg Jaeseop to stay, to cry out loud and to do anything to keep Jaeseop near him. But he was afraid that everything he did might cause Jaeseop so many troubles. In the end, he decided to remain his habit. He watched his love leave, felt his heart broken and suffered from the pain, of course, secretly.

Although Kiseop made up his mind already, the fact still hit him hard. Today Jaeseop got on the plane leaving for the USA. Before he left, he had spoken out loud to Kissme’s to miss him and wait for him because he will miss them a lot. Before he left, he hugged each member in U-KISS and whispered to them some loving words. Standing at the end of the line, Kiseop silently watched the whole scene and waited for his turn. But things didn’t go as he expected. Jaeseop walked to him really slowly. Facing Kiseop for a while, he put one hand on the other’s shoulder then his heels and left. Not a single word. Not a warm hug. Jaeseop told everyone to promise to wait for him and promised everyone he would do his best when he was away. Why didn’t Kiseop receive the same treatment? He didn’t deserve Jaeseop’s trust, did he? He was worth nothing to Jaeseop, was he? If it wasn’t for those reasons then what was it? Kiseop couldn’t understand. And he didn’t dare find out either.

Tonight, beside the window, Kiseop is watching the dark sky. He is wondering which part Jaeseop was on that sky. He doesn’t know exactly but he is sure that it must be somewhere really far from here. He is wondering what Jaeseop is doing now. He doesn’t know but he hopes that his love is sleeping soundly and having some sweet dreams. Leaning out the window, he wishes that he could be a star so that he would be near Jaeseop and watch him all the time. Kiseop feels his cheeks get wet. It is definitely because of the raindrops. But he himself knows there is another reason for this. Unable to keep it inside, he allows it to be free now. How lucky he is that his habit isn’t broken. He is crying, sobbing and sniffing but no one knows. It isn’t sure that god is helping him or harming him. His tears are mixed with raindrops. His sobs are drowned in the rain melody. His trembling body is misunderstood in the cause of the loud thunders instead of the fears growing in his scattered heart. Everything is covered perfectly in front of everyone’s eyes. And Kiseop again feels the pain himself secretly……

The day Jaeseop went away, the sun was shining dazzlingly. The air was extremely hot. The reason was simple because it was summer then. But now the sunlight is really weak. The hot air is replaced by the dry cool one. Out on the streets, leaves have turned yellow and red. Although everything in the autumn seems to go more slowly than it used to in the summer, the whole atmosphere still brings Kiseop an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. Being who he is, that feeling is rarely shown. It has been more than two months since Kiseop started to hide all his feelings inside completely. Every day he goes to work with his brightest face that he can manage to put on. He still dances around, acts childishly and smiles sheepishly. Everything about him remained unchanged to everyone except for one. And it is no other than Yeo Hoon Min.

Being known for playing the role of FA in U-KISS which is also the ugly truth, Hoon doesn’t have anyone to care specifically. Therefore he starts his process on watching every member. These days, Eli has his own show with NS Yoonji called K-pop tasty road. Every time he gets back from filming studio, he will bounce around boasting of how good a partner or even a boyfriend he is when he is with Yoonji. Then the whole group will have a funny show with Kevin getting jealous and the pigeon begging for forgiveness. 2shin couple is just like normal. They go somewhere and do something. No one knows. However, Dongho gets fatter and fatter, lazier and lazier, sleepier and sleepier. Basically they all remain unchanged.

But something isn’t right with Kiseop. Hoon doesn’t know what it is. It’s just he feels that. Kiseop looks slimmer and shabbier. He seems to take selcas and tweets less. To please the fans, he sometimes posts some old pictures he took in Doradora or A shared dream promotions. Is it unusual or does Hoon think too much? He isn’t comfortable with the thought of Kiseop having troubles. In the end, Hoon decides to treat the older guy with higher consideration.

Hoon has thought a lot about how to ask the other about his problems. Should he just ask straight to the point? Or should he beat about the bush to give Kiseop some clues that he wants to listen and help him? He has tossed and turned a lot but come up with nothing. Kiseop isn’t the type to easily speak out his problems. His dorky cover has done a perfect job to hide his real self. It’s really hard to change someone’s character, isn’t it? Moreover, it’s not a simple thing to have Kiseop’s total trust. Hoon is afraid that only his true love can have that.

Taking care of that enigmatic person as much as he can is the final way Hoon chooses. Every time Kiseop is alone, Hoon will come with some cake or juice. When they don’t have schedules, Hoon will ask Kiseop to go out for some shopping or coffee… At first, Kiseop refuses many times since he wants to spend time alone more. But gradually the guy starts to accept Hoon’s concern. He, anyway, doesn’t have anything to do either.

Surprisingly Kiseop really enjoys his time with Hoon. The vocalist appears to be a very caring and humorous person. He can listen to Kiseop’s cry about how bad he is at singing. And the other will spend some time helping Kiseop improve. Every time Kiseop feels tired and wants to quit, he will always stand by him and support him with all he has. When Kiseop is boring, he will tell some jokes or plays the buffoon and Kiseop will laugh heartily. To Kiseop, Hoon is like a shelter now. Jaeseop’s departure has left a big hole in his heart. And Hoon somewhat has fixed it well. Kiseop really appreciates him for that. Hoonseop even becomes a hot couple in U-KISS. But of course, it’s just what the fans think. They have never done anything or had any feelings beyond friendship and brotherhood to each other.  

A/N: Since I can't finish as fast as I can, I decided to post a part of it so that you don't have to wait for too long. The fic seems a little dark, right? But don't worry I don't like sad ending =)))

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