Chapter 2: Choose The Life You Want To Live

72 Times

 

There's no solution, shortcut, or secret to living a better life       you just need to choose your attitude...... Choose the life you want to live.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have never really thought about this.

I have never really thought about what happens if I do leave this world....... Would anyone miss me? Would people be crying over my death, or be happy that I am no longer there to bother them? Would they remember me?

But it doesn't matter anymore.

I smiled at the blue ocean below me and thought about the happy world I was about to enter. I closed my eyes and felt the nice breeze blowing against my cheek. I held out my right leg, ready to take a step towards the blue paradise.

What I felt was........ Not what I expected.

I landed on something hard and warm, not the cool water I had expected. I opened my eyes and looked at the thing I landed on. It's....... not exactly a thing, to be precise. He winced and tried to bring himself back up from the hard concrete ground.

"What in world were you thinking?!" The guy asked me, panting hard.

"I don't know," I answered blankly.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe," I answered again.

"You are gonna answer everything with 'I don't know'?" He asked, amused.

"I don't know," I said and he chuckled.

"You are probably in shock right now," he said. "Come with me."

 

We walked along the bridge with hot chocolate in our hands. The hot chocolate didn't really make me feel any better so I just held it to keep my hands warm.

"You don't like hot chocolate?" The stranger asked.

"It's not that......." I said quietly.

"So, why were you trying to kill yourself?" He asked.

"I am useless. I am stupid. I contribute nothing to the society. No one likes or wants me here." I said.

"You are stupid for thinking that," he said.

"Eh?" I asked.

"People might have said those words to you, or made you feel that way. But you are the one who chose to believe that. Therefore you are self harming yourself, don't you think?" He said.

"You don't understand what I am going through," I said.

"Try me," he said. I sighed.

"I have dyslexia, a reading disability. I have been doing poorly in school because of this disability. Both of my parents passed away and left me very little things for me to survive and also debts that I have no idea how to pay them off. Almost everyday people come to my house and ask for the money I owe them. I have been working as much as I could, but there are never enough money. People in the school, they find me pitiful or pathetic. And just this afternoon, I was fired from my only job," I said.

"That is bad," he agreed. "But I don't feel sympathic for you."

"Huh?" I looked at him.

"You got 2 hands, 2 feet, a brain, a pair of eyes..... Even though you might have trouble interpreting things on a daily basis, but you need to realize, there are a lot of successful people with your disability too. Some people can't even walk, can't speak properly, lost a limb or two...... Yet they have more courage than anyone else. You should be glad you are more fortunate than those people. Those people had to put in more efforts than you to be successful, put in even more efforts than other normal human being. Even though they might never be as successful as other normal people, but they proved that they are capable of great things just like every other people in this world," He said.

"I knew this girl that really inspired me. She had a disease that disabled her ability to communicate, move and perform daily tasks. It was incurable and it eventually killed her one day. But she lived everyday to the fullest, even though it was getting more and more difficult for her to do anything. She cherished every single day and treated them like it might be her last day on earth. She accomplished all of her dreams, no matter how hard it could be, she did it. And she left without regret," he continued and smiled to himself.

"Over the years, I learned an important lesson from her, it was just as valuable as any diamond in this world," he said.

"And that is?" I asked.

"There's no solution, shortcut, or secret to living a better life       you just need to choose your attitude...... Choose the life you want to live," he said with a wink.

"Well, it's getting late, you should go home now," he said a while later and began to walk in the other direction.

"Wait!" I called and he stopped.

"Who was the girl that you were talking about? Do you know her?" I asked.

"She was my older sister," he answered.

"And........" I said.

"W-Who are you?" I asked.

"You don't need to know, just remember what I told you," he said with a smile and disappeared into the dark. I stood there and let the words sink in. The thoughts of suicide began to disappear. I am going to live my life to the fullest, no matter what happens, I am going to choose the life that I want to live. I am going to choose to live a happy life instead, and not influenced by other people. I am going to be strong.

Snow began to fall from the sky and it was getting colder, I decided to go home. I started walking until I saw something shiny on the ground. I picked it up and it was a cellphone. I turned it on to see who the owner is. The owner of this cellphone was "Moon Jongup". I clicked the photo section and found pictures of the guy that I was talking to earlier with another girl next to him. In several pictures the girl were in a wheelchair or in a hospital bed. As I flipped through each picture the girl looked more and more pale. That must be his older sister then. In every picture, whether she is sitting, standing, on a wheelchair, or on the hospital, her smile was always bright as the sun. I smiled at the picture. If this girl can live through each day with that smile on her face, so can I. Just like what Jongup said, choose the life you want to live.

I walked home and washed up quickly and changed into my baby blue coloured pajamas. After I was finished I sat on the bed and picked up the phone. Questions began to emerge as I looked at the phone. How am I going to give it back to him? I asked myself. Then the phone suddenly rang and I answered it.

"Hello?" I said.

"You are the 'I don't know' girl I met earlier, right?" He asked.

"And you are Moon Jongup?" I asked.

"So you found out my name," he chuckled over the phone.

"About today...... Thanks," I told him.

"Why are you thanking me?" Jongup asked.

"Because thanks to you, I lived and I have more courage than I ever had," I said.

"Really? I am glad you did," he said.

"Uhm.... So, when do you want your phone back?" I asked.

"Anytime you want tomorrow," he said.

"I'll meet you at the bridge at 3 then," I said.

"Okay," he answered.

"Bye," I said and hanged up. I looked at the phone and smiled. I felt blessed to meet someone that gave me more courage when I needed the most. I am glad that God had arranged for this Moon Jongup to show up in my life and brought me back from depression. Maybe..... Fate isn't that cruel after all.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day I woke up early and got dressed, ready to go to work until I realized I had lost my job yesterday. I sighed and crashed onto the chair. It's okay, I told myself. I can go find another job right? I am going to make my life better instead of always moping about unfortunate things and feeling sorry for myself. I looked at my left arm, the red cuts were prominent on my pale skin. I stood up and walked to cabinets to find first aid kit. I applied ointment on the wound and bandaged it up nicely. It's time to forget about the past and heal. I thought to myself.

There was a knock on the door and I jumped. I walked slowly and peeked out the window, hoping it is not that crew of people who come asking for the money I still owe them. But it was Daehyun at the door. I sighed in relieve and opened the door.

"Daehyun," I said.

"Hey. I probably startled you right?" He smiled.

"Come in," I told him and closed the door behind us.

"Here," he handed me something in a container.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's some brownies my mom made and she told me to bring it to you, it's nothing," he said.

"You shouldn't have......" I said.

"It's nothing, just take it," he said with a smile.

"Thanks," I said and managed to smile back.

"Uhm, I have a good news for you," Daehyun said.

"What is it?" I asked. I could use some good news right now.

"Manager said you can have your job back," he said.

"What?" I widened my eyes in shock.

"She said you can have your job back," Daehyun repeated.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Yeah," he smiled. I couldn't believe my ears. How could one day be so horrible and the next day so wonderful? It seemed like yesterday was just a nightmare that was never meant to stay more than one day. Just yesterday it felt like all hell broke loose and all these bad things were happening to me, until I met the light that showed me the way to happiness again. Maybe yesterday was merely a nightmare.

"Yoonji?" I head Daehyun's voice.

"Y-Yeah?" I came back to my senses.

"You better hurry if you don't want to be late for work," he said with a smile.

"And you are right," I said and quickly gathered my things.

"Let's go," I said and left with him.

"Is your arm okay?" Daehyun asked.

"It's fine," I said.

"What happened?" He questioned.

"I did something stupid," I answered and he furrowed his brows.

"Why are you cutting yourself? I know things are hard but      " Daehyun began.

"It's okay now, everything is fine," I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Alright, if you say so," He said with a grin. It felt good knowing someone that understands what I was going through, I thought to myself. I felt blessed and glad that I have a friend like Daehyun.

 

Work wasn't as stressful as it was compared to the past few weeks, but I was still tired when my shift ended. I got ready to leave until I glanced at the clock that reads 3:30PM. I widened my eyes and darted out the door and to the bridge.

"You made it," the guy from yesterday said with a smile.

"Sorry...... I was a-at work," I stuttered.

"It's okay, I just got here anyways," Jongup said.

"Oh, uhm.... Here's your phone," I fished the phone out of my pocket and handed to him.

"Thanks," he grinned.

"I-I looked at your pictures to find out who it was, I apologize for invading your privacy," I said.

"It's alright, I don't mind," Jongup replied. "So uhm, I'll get going then."

"C-Can you tell me something more about your sister?" I blurted out and he stopped walking and turned.

"What about her?" I asked.

"The girl in the wheelchair and the hospital bed, she was your sister, right?" I asked.

"She is," he confirmed.

"When did she pass away?" I asked.

"About 2 years ago," he said.

"What..... exactly is her disease?" I continued to ask.

"The disease is Spinocerebellar Ataxia. It's actually more common than you would expect it to be. And there's no cure for this disease and no way to prevent it......" Jongup said slowly.

".......But the disease could progress quickly or slowly. For my sister, it progressed rather quickly. She lost her ability to walk and perform daily tasks like going to the washroom and eating pretty fast. But she understands what we are talking about and what other people are telling her," he finished.

"Was she upset that she got this disease?" I asked.

"She cried. A lot actually. No one wants to hear that they only got a few more years to live while they are in their teenage years. There are so much things that she still want to do, like going to university, getting a job, fall in love, and get married. And her future was bright too, she studied hard and always helped out others in need. And you know what is ironic?" His voice was quivering with a tint of bitterness now.

"Y-Yeah?" I said.

"She wanted to be a neurologist. It was her life-long dream to become a neurologist to help more people live. But her death was caused by a brain disease. Even after she got the disease, she went around and continued to do volunteer work at a hospital, because she wanted to help as many people as she can before she requires other people's help later on," he said quietly.

"For a while I went insane, because I couldn't believe what was happening. My sister was the one who always stayed by my side and help me with I am in need. She encouraged to me to do what I liked and fulfill my dreams while I am still young. After all, you only have one life, you should enjoy it as much as you can, even though Fate could be cruel sometimes. Because of her, I value my life and other people's lives even more," Jongup said.

"She is amazing," I murmured.

"Yeah, she is one of a kind," he sighed and looked up at the blue and clear sky. I looked up too, knowing that Jongup's sister would be up there, watching over him as he continues to help other people like she used to do.

"Well, thanks for bringing the phone to me," he said after a while.

"No problem," I replied.

"I guess I'll see you around then," he smiled.

"Yeah, see ya," I said and watched him walk away. I couldn't help but feel gulity over the fact that I wanted to suicide because I had a bad day yesterday. I should value my life as much as Jongup does and value other people's lives as well. Because there's nothing better than being able to breathe, to hear your heart beat, to live.....

 

I wandered around the neighbourhood and ended up walking on the path to my house. The sun was now a bright, orangish reddish colour and I watched as it slowly dropped lower and lower from the sky. I walked in small steps back to my house until I came across something in front of my house.

It was a group of men.

I recognize every single one of them, because I see them so often that they even come to haunt me in my dreams, taking away my house and everything I owned. For a moment there I wanted to run, run to somewhere else so I don't have to deal with them.

But I can't.

Someday, I will have to face it soon or later, whether I liked it or not. Instead of escaping from reality, I should face it bravely. Like how Jongup's sister faced her disease bravely without any fear even though it was progressing quickly. I don't want to be a coward like I was yesterday. It's time to face my problems and deal with it.

Without further thoughts, I walked towards the group of men with my heart pounding quickly.

 


Hey guys! Long time no see~ First of all, I must apologize for not updating for more than a month.... I was really busy with schoolwork and such that I couldn't find time to update T____T And I am sorry for constantly saying that I am going to update but ended up not doing anything..... I am really sorry!! Please forgive this terrible author-nim ;AAAAA; Anyways, new chapter up! Hope you guys will enjoy it ^_____^ I stayed up till 2:30 to finish this so I hope it wasn't too bad >_____< Thanks to all of my subscribers for being patient, subscribing, commenting and reading~ See you next time when I do update XD time to go to sleep now

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
warriortokki
sorry for not updating, I just started my other fanfic's sequel, but I will try to update this story!!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
vaho1997 #1
Chapter 1: This is... pessimistically dark. She should have someone with optimism in her life... say... Jongup and Himchan and Zelo and Yongguk are optimistic. So when are they coming in the story? No pressure, no stress. Just friendly suggestions.
cassiopeianELF
#2
Chapter 1: kyahhhhh cant wait for an update unnie~ <3 . . . and hopefully a less depressing one?
hyosong
#3
this seems amazing omg i can't wait for the update!!
nathrakh #4
This seems nice, I'll be waiting for you to update it ^^