This is all fate. Who can I blame? I can only blame myself for doing stupid things that made the wound even deeper and make it more painful. In the end, I am only hurting no one but myself. I am the only culprit.

"Why....... am I still here?"

My eyelids opened slowly and I looked around my surroundings. The sunlight peeked through the thin and milky white curtains hanging in my tiny bedroom, lighting up the whole room. I squinted and slowly got out of bed and walked towards the window. I stared at the blue sky and the white clouds passing by one by one. Another day has passed and I am facing this new day, not knowing what challenges are in store for me to face and not knowing how many more I can handle before I collapse in pain. Today, no one is in front of my house, yelling and screaming for me. But what about tomorrow? And the day after tomorrow?

I shook my head, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I bit my lip and my hand clenched into a fist. Be strong, Kang Yoonji, be strong! Stop feeling bad for yourself and get over with it. I told myself. I took a deep breath and went to the bathroom to wash up and get dressed.

I made my way downstairs and grabbed a box of cereal. While I ate I stared at the box and see letters flowing around and shapes and colours started appearing.

"Stop it," I said. But the letters ignored me and continue to jump place to place like a child who had too much sugar.

"Stop it!" I screamed and knocked the box to the floor. The cereal scattered all over the floor and I bend down slowly to retrieve the box and set it on the table. What were you thinking? I questioned myself. Shouldn't I be getting used to my disability already? It has been a while since I knew I had dyslexia, and my mother would always give me extra help so I would do well in school. But that was in elementary school, where there is no such thing as "too much homework". Now, I am already in high school and my marks couldn't get any lower. My mother was no longer with me ever since I was 12. My father passed away after few months I was born. All they left me was this house and a little bit of money, and also some debts that was now up to me to pay.

I walked to school in silence. As I walked by, I saw people looking at me both sympathically and heartlessly. I lowered my head and walked faster, trying to ignore them and pretend that never happened. Without noticing, I ran into a person and fell on the ground.

"I'm sorry, I am really sorry, I wasn't looking and I am sorry," I apologized earnestly when I saw the person I ran into was one of the kingkas in the school.

"It's okay," He said with a friendly tone. I managed to smile a little and walked away quickly but the kingka grabbed my arm and pulled me back to where I was.

"Do you know who I am?" He asked.

"Uhm.... No, sorry," I said, confused.

"I am Kim Himchan," He said in a somewhat seductive tone.

"N-Nice to meet you," I said.

"You are Kang Yoonji, if I am not mistaken," he said.

"You are right," I said quietly, not sure where this is going.

"So..... Are you dating anyone now?" Himchan asked,

"Pardon?" I exclaimed.

"Are you?" He asked.

"No....." I said.

"Then do you want to go out with me?       " He said to me and a girl ran to him.

"Oppa!" The girl said.

"Hey," Himchan said and kissed the girl.

"Oppa, why are you talking to her?" She pointed at me with her finger and scowled.

"She ran into me, I didn't do anything," he said.

"Are you bumping into my oppa on purpose so you can seduce him the way you seduce other guys, Kang Yoonji?!" She screeched and I widened my eyes and shook my head.

"No, it's definitely not that that, and I have never tried or attempted to seduce other guys, I swear," I explained.

"My last boyfriend dumped me because of you!" She cried.

"Who?" I asked, completely clueless.

"Ugh, never mind. You are stupid, that can't be helped," The girl said and fixed her hair.

"Hey, babe, why don't you go wait for me at the class, I will be right there okay?" Himchan said to the girl.

"Why???" She whined.

"Because I am preparing a surprise for you, so you go there and wait for me," he said.

"Okay," she agreed happily and left.

"Seducing guys? Nice," He winked at me.

"I didn't, I really didn't," I explained.

"You don't have to explain, it's okay. I like bad girls, you don't have to act all innocent," Himchan said with a smirk.

"What?!" I exclaimed. This was getting out of hand, just like all other cases where the kingkas walked up to me and started talking nonsense.

"You are the prettiest girl in the whole school, everyone know it. And I am the most handsome guy in this school, so we go well together, don't you think?" He asked.

"I-I don't think so...... And I am not pretty," I said.

"Even young male teachers are talking about you," he said.

"This is getting ridiculous," I told him.

"You wanna know what is ridiculous? That we are not together. We would make the best couple," he said.

"I-I gotta go to class," I said and looked away from him.

"I'll be back, don't miss me too much," he said with a smirk and blew kisses in my direction. I shuddered and walked to class quickly.

The bell rang and I ran to class as quickly as possible. It's all that Kim Himchan's fault, Mr. Im will definitely punish me because of this, I thought to myself. Mr. Im hates people who are late to his class and he usually punish those people severely. I sighed heavily and walked into the class. The whole class looked at me when I stepped in to the class, including Mr. Im.

"I am sorry sir, I can explain       " I said.

"Have a seat, I will have a word with you after class, Miss Kang," he said and continued on his lecture.

The class went by with Mr. Im never-ending lecture, some girls giggling and whispering how "hot" Mr. Im is, few guys fell asleep immediately when the lecture started. The bell rang and everyone left the room quickly besides those girls who obviously have a crush on the teacher.

"Sir, I will help you to clean the boards," one girl said.

"Are you thirsty sir? I'll get you some tea or coffee if you want," the other girl said.

"Sir, you must have been really tired! I'll give you a massage if you wish," another girl said sweetly.

"No fair! How come you get to massage him?"

"Because he likes me the best~"

"Likes you the best? I am the prettiest one so I should definitely be the one to touch his shoulders!"

"Girls!" Mr. Im said and they all looked at him.

"I need to have a word with Miss Kang, so please leave," he asked in a soft tone.

"Yes sir," they all agreed and left.

"Have a seat, Miss Kang," he said and I followed.

"Sir, I am really really sorry, I promise I will never do it again," I said.

"Hey, calm down, Yoonji. I am not going to yell at you. You can be late for my class as many times as you want, I don't mind," he said.

"What?" I asked, mindblowned.

"You are the exception," he said.

"Huh?" I am completely lost of words.

"Also, I handed back the quizzes, here's yours," he gave me a piece of paper. There were many red "X"s on the page and many questions were left blank. But on the top of the page, written in big red letters, was 100%.

"Sir, I think you made a mistake here," I said.

"I don't think so," he said.

"Sir, I got only 3 questions right and I left the rest blank, there's no way I have 100%," I said.

"Yoonji, I know you are not as good at interpreting the question, so I am marking you on efforts, not on the actual quiz itself," he said.

"But that's not fair to other students then," I said.

"Don't worry about other students, just worry about yourself, you did really good," he said.

"Sir, I don't want you to give me high marks out of sympathy, give me what I deserved," I gave the quiz back to him.

"I am not doing it out of sympathy," he said and winked at me. I frozed.

"If you have any trouble, come and talk to me, I will always be here for you, okay?" Mr. Im said with a smile.

"O-Okay," I said.

"You should get going, don't wanna be late for your next class," he said and I nodded and left.

I walked out of the class and stared at that 100%. This is crazy. I thought to myself. What kind of teacher does this for his students? Isn't it against the law of teachers or something like that?

"Yah, Kang Yoonji!" One of the girls that were in the room earlier called.

"Yeah?" I said.

"We heard your whole conversation with Mr. Im," another girl said.

"Are you enjoying your life as 'teacher's pet'?" She asked.

"N-No....." I said.

"You better not touch Mr. Im, or else. Got it?" She said.

"Okay...." I said and left. Is everyone around me insane, or maybe I am insane?

I sat down quickly and waited for the bell to ring when more and more students come into the class. In the corner of my eyes I caught the girl who was with Kim Himchan earlier, was crying and she was surrounded by a bunch of girls and guys.

"         can't believe he broke up with me for that witch!" I heard she said.

"It's okay, now you can go out with me, I will be better than Kim Himchan," one of the guys said.

"Shut up!" She wailed.

"Who's that witch?" One of the girls asked.

"Who else? Obviously is that Kang Yoonji!" She cried. I shivered when she yelled my name.

"Well, she is pretty......" Another guy said.

"SHUT UP!!!" The girl roared and the whole class was quiet. I lowered my head. Well, this day just gets better and better, right?

I kept my head down and waited for everyone to leave the class first when we were dismissed. I looked around, making sure the girl was gone then I pick up my bag and left the class.

"Yah, where do you think you are going?" A voice said and I froze.

"No 'Hi' for me Kang Yoonji?" Youngjae said with a smile. Suddenly I felt relieved and all of my troubles were gone immediately.

"Hi," I said. Yoo Youngjae, the light to my dark and gloomy life. The angel to my hell like world. The only person in this school that gave me the treatment that I liked.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Tired," I said.

"Worked late yesterday?" He asked.

"No, today is a very tiring day, that's all," I said.

"I see," Youngjae chuckled.

"I have to work late shift today," I sighed.

"So no tutoring today?" He asked.

"No, you can relax and forget all about your annoying student," I said.

"You are not annoying," he said.

"I bother you all the time," I said.

"Okay maybe you are a little bit annoying," he said.

"Really?" I asked.

"I am joking," he smiled. In middle school, Youngjae was always the best at academics. He always have the top score, the highest mark, the best project. Therefore the teacher assigned Youngjae to be my tutor since I was "stupid". Even though we are no longer in middle school and no one told him to tutor me anymore, he still kept on assisting me with homework. He is the only one in the school that knows that I have dyslexia.

"How come you never told any of your teachers you have dyslexia? They might go easier on you," he said.

"They will go easier on me because they find me pitiful, and I don't want that. I want them to treat me like all other students," I said.

"But they don't treat you like all other students," he said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"All the young male teachers are extremely nice to you, in case you haven't noticed," he pointed it out and I remembered that was something Kim Himchan said.

"You are just insane as the others," I said and he laughed.

"You know, sometimes I admire your courage. About not telling other people about your disability and wanting to challenge yourself," Youngjae said.

"Huh?" I looked at him, surprised.

"Nothing," he smiled to himself. "I am going to class now, see ya."

"Bye," I said and watched him leave.

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The last bell rang, signaling the end of the day and students rushed out of the classroom quickly. I gathered my things quickly and prepared to leave because I still have my job at a cafe and I need to get there as soon as possible.

"Kang Yoonji!" A voiced called and I turned around to see a bunch of girls standing there.

"Dsylexia, huh? Is it some kind of incurable disease? Something you will die from it? That's how you get every guys to like you, because you are pitiful?" One of the girls spoke.

"It's not like that, it's a reading disability," I said.

"Ooh..... No wonder you are stupid, I thought you are just naturally dumb," she said with a smirk.

"How do you get it? I wanna get it too so I can get all the boys to like me," another girl said with sacasm. I gritted my teeth.

"Who uses a disability to get boys? That's totally lame," she continued.

"I am not trying to get boys," I said.

"Sure, tell that to other people who actually cares. Oh wait, no one cares about you," she said.

"You are right, no one cares about me," I said slowly.

"Glad you know that, honey. Admitting the truth is always the first step to recovery, right?" she smiled.

"Kang Yoonji, since you are already failing school, then why do you even bother coming here? No one likes you and wants you here. You will be doing all the girls a favour and stop stealing boys. It's a win-win. You are not contributing to the society anyways since you are so dumb, so why even bother coming here? You should just leave, because you don't belong here. Got it?" The first girl said and all of them left. Tears started to fall from my eyes uncontrollably. With no strength in my legs, I collapsed onto the hard concrete floor.

Stop crying!! I told myself. Stop feeling bad for yourself! You are truely pitiful if you feel sorry for yourself, Kang Yoonji. I kept on telling myself. But I couldn't control my tears and I continued to sob. Feeling irritated with myself, I took out an art knife that I carried around for art purposes and scratched my arm with the knife. Blood started gushing out but I still haven't stopped crying. I started making more and more cuts on my arm until I forced myself to stop the tears. By the time I stopped crying, my arm was a bloody mess. I went to the washroom and wash the blood out of my arm. The bleeding had stopped, but the pain was still there. I sighed and left the school to my job.

"Yoonji! You are late! Come on, let's go," the manager said to me and I nodded slowly.

"Yoonji, are you okay?" Daehyun asked. Daehyun is the other student worker here besides me. His mother is ill and he have to take care of his other 3 siblings. But he is always happy even though his situation is almost just as bad as mine. Full of debts, bunch of bills left unpaid, have to take care of an ill mother and 3 siblings.

"Y-Yeah," I managed to say.

"If you want to talk, we can talk afterwards, but now let's get to work or manager is going to be angry again," he said. Our manager is a very nice person. She is in her late 30s and she cares a lot about Daehyun and I since we are the less fortunate ones.

"Here, take this to table 5," Daehyun handed me a tray of iced cappucino and espresso.

"Okay," I said. I took the tray and it suddenly slipped from my hands and crashed onto the ground. Then I know there's no strength in my left arm, it became numb because I was cutting myself earlier. The manager came running.

"I-I am so sorry, it just kinda slipped, I am so sorry," I apologized.

"What were you doing Yoonji?!" She asked.

"I am really sorry," I said quietly. She let out a heavy sigh.

"You know what? It's okay, it's fine. Daehyun, clean up the mess and Yoonji, go to table 3 and ask for their order," she said and we nodded. I walked over to table 3 slowly.

"Hello, what would you like for today?" I asked.

"I want a french vanilla and hot chocolate, no whipped cream," he said quickly.

"P-Pardon?" I asked.

"I want a french vanilla cappuccino and hot chocolate, no whipped cream. Please do it quickly because I am short on time," he repeated again. I looked at the list and the letter started flying and jumping around again. I checked one of the boxes that I thought says french vanilla and I found the hot chocolate box and checked it. I left the table and went to give the order to Daehyun.

"Sorry for having you clean up my mess," I apologized.

"No biggie," he gave me a reassuring smile and took my order. I waited until he is done and delivered it to table 3.

"Uhm, excuse me? I said 'french vanilla' but you gave me iced coffee, and there's whipped cream on my hot chocolate when I said no whipped cream," he said.

"I am so so sorry, I will get you a new one, I am sorry," I apologized.

"No need, in case you haven't been listening to anything I told you, I said I am short on time, so no need to get me a new one," he said and left the store.

"Kang Yoonji! What did you just do? You made a customer leave!" My manager questioned.

"I-I took the wrong order......." I said.

"Why? Why did you take the wrong order?" She asked.

"I don't know," I said.

"You don't know, of course you don't know!! First you were 1 hour late, I had to find someone to fill in for you. Second, you dropped the order and made a mess. Third, you made a customer angry. Look, I really don't have time to deal with this now, so you are fired," she said and rushed into the kitchen. My lips trembled and my legs were shaking. I got my bag and ran out of the store.

"Yoonji!" Daehyun called after me but I ignored him and ran. I am stupid, I am dumb. I can do nothing right and I contribute nothing to the society. If I can't even take the right order, what can I do in the future? I am useless. I don't belong here. I don't belong there. I don't belong in anywhere. They were all right.

I ran to a nearby bridge and looked at the blue water below me. It looked so calm, beautiful and inviting. I could almost hear the blue ocean calling me to join them. Maybe that's where I belong. I wouldn't be made fun there, I wouldn't be be critized there, I wouldn't have to deal with anything there. Doesn't that sound so amazing? Without another thought, I climbed until I can stand on the railing of the bridge. No ones likes or cares about me here anyways. I will always be a burden to other people. My existence make other people unhappy, so why don't I just leave? Since I belong nowhere. I looked at my cuts on my left arm. In the end, even if people don't hurt me, I will hurt myself. I am hurting no one but myself. I am the true culprit. With that in mind, I held out my right leg, ready to take a step forward to the blue paradise below.

Annyeong readers! I am bapfinitesecret and this is the first chapter of my new B.A.P fanfic "72 Times"! I really hope all of you liked the first chapter!! >____< Please do subscribe if you like the story so far and comment to let me know how you guys feel about this fanfic~ I will work hard to update as soon as possible since I have school and I have another fanfic that is still ongoing at the moment~ Please give this fanfic lots of love and I will continue to work hard! ^_____^