“I feel so empty...It’s like...It’s kinda. Damn, I can’t explain. Please save me from this pain, I can’t take this anymore. Baby please, please don’t drive me insane. I miss you every day.”

All I get in response is a small beep through the phone, signalling the end of my message. Does she even listen to my messages? Am I just pouring my heart out into her message bank where it will never be heard?

I pull at my hair with one hand, angrily smashing the steering wheel with the other. Why would I ever expect her to listen to me anyway? I’m nothing in her life, in her eyes. I’m nothing but a smudge, ruining her perfect picture.  I could just leave and let her live in peace but I’m much too selfish for that. She is my addiction, my drug. Every moment without her hurts more than anything.

Mi Sun....Even simply hearing her name spreads that familiar feeling of warmth through my heart. How could I ever resist loving something so delicate, so utterly perfect. She’s almost like a precious little porcelain doll, sitting all alone on a high shelf where I can never reach her. Pure perfection, it’s the only phrase that does her justice. Those deep brown eyes, they pierce though my every thought. The way she stares up at me, those very eyes glistening with tears. All because of me.

And finally, for the first time in years, I break down. I finally let those tears that I have worked so hard to bite back flow down my flushed cheeks. My heart is now imprinted on my sleeve, all for her.

I take what remains of my courage and turn the keys in the ignition. The car roars to life and starts a steady rumble. I take off down the road, desperate to see her face at least one last time.

I wander the halls of the building, the plain white of the walls and the linoleum underneath my feet give me an uneasy feeling. I breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of powerful disinfectants as approach that hospital room I know all too well. I pause in front of the door, contemplating my next move. After much thought I push the door open and the bright lights hit me immediately, causing me to squint as my eyes adjust.

And there she is; my porcelain doll. Her weak and frail state only adds to her unimaginable beauty. Her thick black hair cascades past her shoulders in small curls and even in a flimsy hospital gown she manages to outshine even the most beautiful.

“What are you doing here?” Her soft, angelic voice echoes through the room.

“I needed to see you.”

“I told you this can’t work,” She says as she turns to look into the garden through the glass window.

“Because of him?”

“He doesn’t deserve to be hurt. He did nothing wrong, he’s been here for me this whole time. I know he’ll never leave my side.”

I scoff, “Then where is he now?”

“Why should that concern you?”

“No matter how much he loves you, you will never be able to return the feeling unconditionally. Instead you’re lying behind his back. I want you, I need you. I know you feel the same, don’t even try to tell me otherwise. Don’t you want to die without regrets, without lies? Are you really going to leave me behind just because you feel that you owe him for loving and caring for you?”

She doesn’t even bother to look at me, always hiding her emotions. “He comes here every day without exception, and you? You come whenever you feel like it. I’m not betraying him like this to satisfy you and your ego.”

“You seriously think this is about my ego?”

“Well isn’t it? I’m nothing more to you than a game, aren’t I?” She finally turns to look at me, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Once again, I’ve hurt her.

“Do you really believe that? You have no idea what you mean to me, you are my everything. You are the oxygen I breathe. We both know that you don’t have much time left, there’s no point in denying that but I promise that I will follow you wherever you may go.”

“You would die for me?”

I answer with a brisk nod.

“Why would you throw your life away so stupidly? Not to mention for something as meaningless as I am. Do you seriously not value your life at all? You’re so pathetic!” She stares at me for a moment before reaching over to the bedside table beside her and picking up a glass vase, filled with flourishing lilies. She attempts to throw it at me but due to her fragile state, she only manages to throw it less than a metre, shattering into millions of shards before my feet. The murky water begins to seep into my canvas shoes but I ignore it as I step forward, approaching her.

“No, stay away from me!” She cries as she throws more and more nearby objects at me, all of which miss.

When I reach the edge of her bed I grab onto her wrists, stopping her violent rampage. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest.

“Please….just let me love you like you let him,” I whisper into her hair.

She finally lowers her defences and begins to cry softly into my chest, “No, please don’t. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“It’s not about him, it’s about you. Please….just this once, let your heart make the decision.”

She pushes herself back a little and looks up at me with pleading eyes. I her check with my hand and watch those soft, plump lips and I can’t help but feel a desperate, aching hunger to feel them on my own. Just once I’d like to mark her as my own.

“Forget about him. For the little time you have remaining in this world, you are mine,” I whisper before crashing my lips against hers. She whimpers slightly from the force but returns the kiss with equal passion. I brush my tongue along her bottom lip, wordlessly asking for permission for entry. She parts her lips, taking my tongue into . I explore every inch of with my tongue, savouring her taste. After a few minutes we part, our lips still connected by a thin string of saliva.

“I love you,” I say as I cup her face in my hands.

Her eyes begin to fill up with tears once again. She begins to shake as she buries her face in my chest, “I don’t want to die, at least not like this. I despise being sick, so weak and helpless. I want to die by my own terms.”

I rise from the bed, holding out a hand for her. She carefully pushes herself off the bed and onto her feet. She stumbles and falls into my arms, her legs being too weak to properly support her weight. I bend down and pick her up bridal style, carrying her out of the hospital which for so long has been her confinement. I carry her to my car, gently placing her in the passenger seat. The short drive was spent in a comfortable silence, neither of us uttering a word, purely because there was nothing that needed to be said. We pull up at a small park and I pull her out of the car. With much struggle she manages to stand on her own, gripping tightly onto my hand for support. I slowly lead her up the stone path to a cliff, overlooking the vast ocean. We reach the edge of the cliff, our fingers still intertwined. We watch the sea crashing up against the rocks below before receding back, dragging away various rocks and small, helpless sea creatures. I can’t help but sense a feeling of familiarity in the action.

“You said you wanted to die by your own terms right?” I finally speak.

“I can’t leave him behind. I can’t just forget all that he’s done for me and leave without a single word,” she replies as her grip on my hand tightens.

“For once just stop thinking about him and think for yourself. This is your life, this is your decision.”

After a moment of thought she nods, “I’ll do it.”

I shake my head, “No, we’ll do it, together.”

“Are you really going to throw your life away like this? I have nothing to lose, you do. Why do this for me?”

I turn to her and slip a hand around her waist as I caress her cheek, “You don’t understand yet do you? The only thing I have to lose is you, nothing else matters.”

She pulls away from my hold and begins to chuckle. “So damn cheesy,” she mutters.

I laugh along with her, “Maybe so but if this is how you want it to end then I’ll do it with you, you’ll never be alone.”

“Thankyou,” she murmurs softly.

“For what?”

“For being here with me now. Even when I had him by my side I still felt so lonely. I know he loves me, unconditionally but I…I love him too, but not in that way.”

“And me?”

She smirks, “You? Even if I were to lie and say that I don’t care about you, you’d see through it anyway. There’s no point in saying it.”

“That’s good enough I guess.”

 I take her hand once more and we step closer and closer to the cliffs edge. I turn to look at her one last time, knowing that this will be the last time I’ll ever see her face only makes her all the more beautiful. I look up at the setting sun before we leap off the edge together, plunging into the water below. The cold water shocks me instantly, chilling me to the bone. My body is smashed up against the rocks, my skin torn. Blood seeps from my wounds, dispersed throughout the water. I release my last breath before the water seeps its way into my lungs, strangling me. Even as I can feel my life slipping away, I still hold her hand.

I will never let you go, my precious porcelain doll.

A/N: I almost cried writing this :(  Please comment and tell me what you think! I really do appreciate all your comments, messages, votes etc.

Also, I'm writing a sequel to this which will be from the boyfriends POV. Look forward to it! :D