Weightless - Final

May 3rd, 2016

Hey!

It’s been a while, right? Since the last time we talked… Not only the two of us, but all of us. The 4 of us. What have you been doing? Did you get a job on fashion industry? I heard Taemin is working as a Dance Teacher at SM. That’s nice, right? I haven’t heard from Minho though. Same with you… that’s why I’m writing this! How’s it going in the U.S.?

I still miss the old times, you know? I think I’ll always miss. I think about it every day. How happy we was until everything happened…
I have nightmares about it. He was a good guy… he was a good leader indeed. He would always keep calm and try to fix things with that silly way of his. A sweet person he was. Onew. I remember the last time I held his hand… If only that car hadn’t crashed… We would probably still being SHINee, right? We’re still young, it was only 3 years ago. I don’t think we would have disbanded. But I think it was for the best… I don’t think I could handle being an idol after losing Onew. SHINee… it’s supposed to be 5! We are… were 5 stars. And now one of the stars went to the sky, to shine alone. How great Onew is?! Now he’s up there shining bright and we’re here , forgotten hahaha.

I still love you, Kibum. I have loved you since we first met and I’ll die holding onto this feeling. I respect your choice, though. After everything I think each one of us tried to find a escape, right? Going away from everything was your handle to handle the whole situation. Away from me…
You idiot. I miss hugging you. I miss kissing you. I miss your cheeks and hair. It’s funny how you used to make me feel more of a man than any straight guy in this world. My Kibum…

I still remember the last time we made love. Your milky skin and your pink lips. The way our bodies would piece together… I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like you. That makes me sad. I am sad. Being able to sing and being with you were the only things in this world that would make life worth. You’re the only one that knew about my depression issues.

How miserable my life is now that you’re away… I just don’t feel like doing anything… I wish I could just sit down and watch life passes by, you know? Sit on my chair in my room and just… blink till everything is gone. Whenever I lay on my bed my body would go numb for a while. Something just feels wrong about being… alive. I don’t think I want to live anymore. SHINee was everything to me. And now I’m just Kim Jonghyun. Without Kim Kibum. Why am I even breathing right now?! It just seems so pointless… Maybe I just have hopes on having you back? That’s probably it… It’s stupid, right? We haven’t talked to each other in such a long time, you’ve probably forgotten about me by this time, yeah? Are you dating anyone? You probably are… You’re handsome, nice, funny, cute, y, hot… how could you be single? >_<

It’s funny that even feeling as miserable as I do, I still feel lucky that I got to meet you. I own everything to SHINee. I met you because of SHINee. You became the most important person in the world to me, because of SHINee. I found the love of my life, and again, blame it on SHINee. And now… Where is SHINee? Do people remember that name? A 6 character name that was able to make my life so… complete.

I just hope one day I get to be happy again. With you. Maybe if I go to the U.S.? Gay marriage is legal there, right? How awesome would it be, to marry the man of my life?

I hope you still remember who I am, after all these two and a half years. Besides the love of my life, you’re also my best friend. No matter how many years pass, nothing shall change it.

From the guy that will always be in love with you,

Kim Jonghyun.

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Comments

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Ilonahaku #1 Jan 14, 2013 02:23:53

Chapter 1: I understand that Shinee was everything to him, but I think that we have different meanings of life during our life span. :) It is not necessarily bad that he has some hopes, I even think it would be nice for him to have Key back. But I think that he has to do something for that. Not just sit and wait. :) But I see that he did a first step - he wrote that letter. :D

Although your story has sad and melancholic atmosphere, I really like that the ending sounds somehow positive and hopeful. That a brighter tomorrow will come. :D

I am sorry that you have been in sad mood lately, but I hope you will feel a little bit happier sooner. ;) I think it is a good way how to release your feelings - through writing it out and making it into story. ;) Usually when I feel down (and I was also in sad mood lately), I tend to read melancholic fanfic, watch sad videos or just write it down. :)

And good luck with your other stories! <3
Have a nice day! ^^/

Ilonahaku #2 Jan 14, 2013 02:22:36

Chapter 1: Well, this was perfect. <3 Somehow your words echoed within me strongly and I could sympathize with your thoughts a lot.
I find even the title of this story very beatiful, unique and absolutely fitting. I guess it was especially the title which caught my attention and which put the first stone which I could step on to read your story.

Right from the beginning it hit me strongly and I thought I would start cryubg at the beginning of 2nd paragraph. ^^" A little bit silly, right? But somehow, I could feel very well what you refered to.

Sometimes I think about people from the past, too. How they are doing, how long it has been since we met, how much I missed them, what went wrong...Sometimes I wonder what would we become if some things didn´t happen. And Jjong is in the same situation...
I wonder if he will ever receive reply... :D

I am sorry to hear that he has still nightmares and that he can´t cut himself from the past and move on. But it is hard... It is also pointless to think about "what if"...Although I know it, I can´t refrain from doing it by myself. ^^"

I liked how you described Onew, it was really sweet. ;)
I loved especially this part "and now one of the stars went to the sky, to shine alone. How great Onew is? Now he is up there shining bright and we are here, forgotten."

It is sad that they disbanded, but I also think it was for the best. Although we can accept someone´s way of handling a situation, it can hurt a lot.
I hope that Jjong will get over his depression issues and that he will find a reason to live again. I also hope that a brighter future awaits him, bright future in embrace of Key. :D

And your "wish" about just sitting somewhere and watching as life passes by... from time to time I also would like to experience that for a short time, but not for eternity. Because in the end I would still like to get over everything and start living again. Not just be emotionless puppet waiting for its end. :D

WHOTFRU #3 Jan 11, 2013 00:43:28

Chapter 1: oh my jongkey feels..tgat was really sweet and heart breaking..I can't imagine shinee w/o onew..

Moniac #4 Jan 7, 2013 21:13:53

aw looks too sad ;~;