I look at my laptop, staring at it, not moving. Then I totally loose it.

 

“No, no no no no! What am I going to do?!” I yell in panic

 

Someone opens the door while I'm still shouting.

 

“Kiseop hyung, you should calm down, no need to go crazy.” The person says

 

I turn to him and glare.

 

“Do you know how long I've been working on this essay?!” I shout

 

“Maybe, but there's no need to shout. Firstly, because it is stupid, secondly because it won't help.” He says

 

“And what do I do now?” I ask him

 

“You switch it on again, hoping it isn't dead and that your work has been saved.” He says simply

 

“I hope it will work.” I say

 

“I hope too.” He says “By the way, Eli hyung asked if we wanted to go to his place tonight, wanna go?”

 

“Well, if my work has been saved, yeah, if not, I can't, I have to give it back tomorrow.” I say

 

“You should have done it before, you wouldn't have been in such situation.” The other replies

 

“You know I usually do, but I haven't got that much time in the past weeks.” I say

 

“I'll wait to answer him then. I'll be in my room if you're looking for me.” He says leaving my room

 

I wait to see if my laptop as saved my work, praying it had. I click on the document and slowly go down to see where it has been stopped. When I see all I've done is still here, I jump out of my chair and start bouncing around my room. I run out of the room and go to Dongho's one.

 

“Dongho, tell Eli we'll be coming tonight.” I say to him smiling

 

“On it. You, go finish your essay.” He says while texting

 

I go back to my room and go back to my essay. It takes me at least two hours to finish it, and when I'm done it's already 8 p.m.

I go take a shower and then dress to go to Eli's. I put on a cheked shirt with jeans. When I'm ready I go find Dongho.

 

“Ready?” I ask entering the room

 

“Almost. I'll be in the living room in a minute.” He says while putting on a white Tee shirt.

 

“Okay, I'll be waiting for you.”

 

I go back to my room taking a black jacket and then go to hall to put on my shoes. I wait for him there. He put on his shoes, we go.

 

“I drive.” He says taking the keys out of my hand running to the car

 

I run after but let him drive in the end. It doesn’t' take more than ten minutes to go to Eli's from our apartment, that's why we sometime walk to go there. We have the keys to Eli's apartment, but we knock on his door, it's one of our habits.

 

“Hey guys, for once you're on time.” He says laughing

 

“We're never really late, it's just that we arrive when everybody's already there.” Dongho says

 

“Yeah, but you're the closest to my place, so you should be the first one to arrive.” He replies

 

We enter and I wave to the others. It's our usual group, Soohyun, Hoonmin, Eli, Kibum, but Alexander isn't here.

 

“Isn't Alexander hyung coming?” I ask Eli

 

“He is, it's just that he had to go fetch some of his friends, he'll come here with them.” Eli explains

 

I go sit on the couch next to Soohyun, and Dongho sits next to Eli on the arm of his armchair. We don't have to wait long for the others to arrive. As Alexander arrives I get up and go to hug him.

 

“Xander hyung!”

 

“Kiseoppie, how have you been?” He asks smiling at me

 

“Fine, and you?”

 

“Fine too.” He answers

 

“How come you always hug and stuff with Alexander hyung, and barely wave at me.” Hoonmin says pouting

 

I go to him, sit on his laps and hug me.

 

“Hoonie!” I squeal

 

He stops pouting and hugs me back.

 

“Hey, so I have here two of my friends. Kevin and Jaeseop. Jaesop being the red haired and Kevin the blond one, with feminine features.” Alexander says

 

I greet them not looking at them as I'm still on Hoon's laps and that I can't turn around as he is still hugging me. He let go of me and let me turn around when Alexander is introducing us.

 

“The one who owns the apartment we’re in is Eli the blond guy who is sitting in his armchair, the boy next to him is Dongho. On the couch the brown haired one is Soohyun, the other brown haired with someone on his laps is Hoonmin, the guy on his laps is Kiseop and the one next to them is Kibum.” He says

 

I wave at them, but when I take a closer look at this Jaeseop, when our eyes meet, I know it's him. The guy with those eyes, this intense gaze, the one who took my heart so many years ago. It seems like life likes playing tricks. I thought I would never see him again, which would have been better I think. But here he is, with the same guy he was with that day, I guess they're still together. I feel the same way I felt that day, like if I was in a trance, like if he was hypnotizing me. But I don't feel jealous of the blonde guy, I don't want to take his place, I think they're happy together. It's just that those eyes, this face, I can't help staring at them. Jaeseop, it's his name, now at least I know it.

Jaeseop smiles at me and I smile back. I then turn to Kevin and we smile at each other. He seems to be such a nice guy.

 

“Guys, I think we'll have to organize ourselves because there isn't enough place for everybody.” Eli says

 

Looking at the space left on the couch I understand, there's place for only one more person. I look at Hoon and he looks at me.

 

“I'll go on Soohyun you can go on Alexander hyung.” He says and I nod

 

“Xander hyung come.” I say

 

I get up and so does Hoon. He then sits on Soohyun's laps. Alexander understanding what we're doing sits where Hoon was before and I sit on him.

 

“Jaeseop, sit on the couch, Kevin will sit on your laps.” Alexander says

 

I look at everybody on the couch, and I laugh a bit.

 

“What?” Kibum asks

 

“Well, we kind of look like kids on their parents, it's quite strange.” I say

 

“That's true.” He says laughing

 

“Hey, I think it'll be better if we all sit on the floor.” Eli says

 

“It's okay for everybody?” Soohyun asks and  everybody nods

 

We all get up and go sit on the floor forming a circle. When we're all settled, conversations start. Everybody speaking, talking of what happened in his life since the last time we saw each other. We have mensual meeting at Eli's place. So missing one of them is actually one of the things we hate the most. We can text each other but it's best to see each other fore real, we could plan something, but everybody might not be available. That's why Eli always asks way before the meeting most of the time, I guess today was a day he knew most of us didn't have anything.

Alexander and I could have continued forever, but as there are guest, we both feel like we should talk to them, Alexander even more then me since they're his friends.

 

“Hey, you must feel a bit alone, don't blame them, our meeting are kind of sacred.” Alexander explains “ When there're guests, they most of the time forget them seeing how much they like talking to each other, and how much they want to tell.”

 

“It's okay, I totally understand.” Kevin says smiling and then turns to me “You're Kiseop, right?”

 

“Yes. Kevin that's right?”

 

“Yes, nice to meet you.” He says

 

“Nice to meet you too.” I say “ I was wondering, you aren't from Korea, are you?”

 

“No, I'm from the USA, though I've been living here for six years” He explains

 

“And what about you?” I say turning to Jaeseop, now realizing he was looking at me the whole time

 

“I've been living in Korea since I'm born. I've been to the USA once before though, that's when I met Kevin.” He says smiling

 

“Oh, really?” I ask surprise

 

“Yeah, and we kept in touch since then. If he came here, it was mostly because of me, I kept on asking him to come here to do his studies, he did better, he came for high school.” Jaeseop says

 

“How many years have we known each other, ten... No, more, we met each other when we were nine, so it's been twelve years since we know each other.” Kevin says

 

“Twelve years, wow, I feel old when you say that.” Jaeseop says laughing

 

We keep on talking of their life, of my life, Alexander has left to go talk to Soohyun. One hour or two after, Dongho suggest that playing cards would be a good idea. They all decide to play, except Jaeseop and I.

When they form a circle in the center of the room, they take a lot of space and sitting on the couch would disturb them since some of them are their back on it. I offer him to go to the kitchen as there are two chairs. Now that I think of it, we could have taken them, but I think nobody thought about it.

 

“Kiseop, can I ask you something?” Jaeseop asks as I sit

 

“Yes.”

 

“You remember me, don't you?” He asks

 

I look at him in shock, I don't know what to reply. I can tell him the truth, but I'm not sure it would be a good idea, maybe lying would be better. In the end, I chose to lie.

 

“No, did we meet before?” I ask

 

He seems disappointed, even a bit hurt. I feel bad for doing that, I should have tell him the truth, but now, I don't know what telling him the truth would lead to. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk to me again because I lied, I don't want to risk that, I like talking to him.

 

“Well, I think we did, but if you don't remember, I must be wrong.” He replies

 

“Maybe.” I say looking at the table

 

He quickly changes the subject and the atmosphere goes back to the way it was before. We talk happily until Kevin comes and tells Jaeseop it's late an that they have to go home. I look at my watch and see it's already two in the morning. If I didn't have class the next day I would have stayed, but as I do have class I decide to go too. Plus, Dongho have class too and if I don't take him home, he will stay there until it's time for him to go to University. I get up with Jaeseop and we go to the living room. I say goodbye to everybody, and leave with Dongho. Kevin and Jaeseop following close behind. Strangely, they are parked just behind us.

As I enter the car - in the passenger seat, because I let Dongho drive again- Jaeseop comes to me and gives me a piece of paper. He smiles at me telling me to read it at home before leaving.

The ten minutes journey seems to take forever. When we arrive, I nearly run home and go straight to my room. I open the paper and read what's on it. There's a cellphone number and below it there's written ' Text me, like that I'll have your number'. I decide to text him the next morning.

Life goes on, I go to University, go to work, we have our mensual meeting, but now with two new members. Jaeseop and I text each other a lot, at very hour of the day and the night. Sometimes, we go to bed at two in the morning because we were texting each other. It doesn't bother me, and it doesn't seem to bother him either. But the thing I, the more I become close to him, the more I feel he has my heart, not just because he is gorgeous, but because he is the way he is. And he is perfect in my eyes.

 

-----------------------------------

Seven months after the mensual meeting Jaeseop and I met each other again.

 

It is winter, and nearly Christmas time. Eli holds a Christmas party in his parents' house while they are away, and of course, we're all going. Eli's parents' house is quite big, so Eli had decided to invite a lot of people. Every time his parents leave him the house, he makes it a duty to hold a party.

 

I meet with Kevin some days before the party to go shopping. We've become really close, not as close as I am with Jaeseop, but really close anyway. I still don't feel any jealousy toward him, I should, seeing the fact I fall more and more for Jaeseop. We chose our clothes for the party and then go to a coffee shop. It's our coffee shop, every time we go to the mall together, we go to this coffee shop. We spend a lot of time there, talking, gossiping sometimes. And there again I should feel jealous when he speaks about Jaeseop, saying he doesn't know how he could be living without him, or how much he cared and loved him, but I don't. And when Jaeseop says things like that about Kevin, I don't feel jealous either.

Today though, Kevin doesn't talk about how much he loves Jaeseop, but how sad he is that they fought. He tells me that they were talking about the party, but Kevin said something that Jaeseop wouldn't agree with, and it ended up in a fight. Kevin doesn’t tell me what it was. He says to me he will tell me if what he planned work, if not, he will tell me anyway, but for now, he prefers keeping it for him seeing how it ended up with Jaeseop.

We don't have the time to talk more as he has to go to work.

 

The day of the party, Dongho and I decide to leave early, like that Eli won't be able to say we're late. When we arrive, Jaeseop and Kevin are already there, but Jaeseop is sitting on the couch while Kevin is on Eli's laps, his head on Eli's torso. Dongho goes to sit next to Eli on the little couch and I go to Jaeseop. Jaeseop motions for me to sit on his laps, and I do so. He places his head on my shoulder and I let him do. He then looks at Kevin who looks at him and they both look away from each other. It seems like they didn't make up.

The house is slowly getting filled. I don't move from Jaeseop's laps as he doesn't tell me to do so. He sometimes glances at Kevin who is dancing with Eli.

 

“What is going on?” I ask when I can't take it

 

“Nothing, just a little fight between Kevin and I.” He says after sighing

 

“If it was just a little fight you would have already made up, and you wouldn't be there like a zombi.” I reply

 

“Really it's nothing.” He says smiling

 

I let go because I feel like he won't tell me anyway. Not that I want to know right now, I can wit for Kevin to tell me, it's just that I don't like seeing Jaeseop like that.

 

“Wanna dance?” I ask him

 

“If you want.” He says

 

I get up and he gets up too. The music is currently a slow, I should have listened to the music before asking him that.

He places his arms around my waist as if it was nothing bid to dance a slow with a guy. Well, he is with a guy so he must not bother him, but I mean, there's a lot of people. And I don't feel really comfortable about dancing a slow with him, even more when Kevin and him fought. But I can't just tell him I don't want to dance when I'm the one who asked.

I place my arms around his neck and we start dancing. I don't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would feel, but still. The song stops and we go back to the couch, it would have been another kind of song I would have stayed, but it's a slow again. Jaeseop gasps and I turn to where he is looking at. Kevin is currently kissing someone, and this someone is Kibum. My eyes grow bigger and I turn back to Jaeseop. His expression isn't one of shock anymore, but not one of anger either more as if he was ...annoyed.

 

“God, please tell me they're both sober, especially Kibum, and that he isn't just playing with Kevin.” Jaeseop mumbles

 

I don't understand what's going on. He should be angry, but no, he is wishing Kibum is kissing Kevin for real?

 

“Jaeseop?” I ask, well more shouts

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Aren't you angry?”

 

“No, well yeah a bit. Kevin could have found a bit less risky way of testing if Kibum loved him or not. Like asking, but he is the way he is, and I can't change him.” Jaeseop says

 

Right now, I'm totally lost.

 

“What?” Jaeseop asks me seeing my confusion

 

“Aren't you and Kevin together?” I ask

 

He looks at me in shock before laughing.

 

“Not at all.” He says laughing

 

I feel myself blushing a bit.

 

“Oh.” is my only reply

 

He then looks at me before getting up and pulling me to one of the bedroom upstairs. In there, the music is just a murmur, which is better to talk.

Without a word he leans forward and kisses me. I should be shocked, a lot, but there's only a short moment of surprise before I kiss back. Not a chaste kiss, but definetely a sweet one, even if it's very passionate.

We part and I look at him, I look at those eyes that took my heart so many years ago.

 

“You remember me, don't you?” He asks

 

“I do.” I answer this time

 

And this time, I'm the one to start the kiss. That's what I should have said and done.

 

“Sorry for the lie.” I say looking down

 

“Don't worry. I now understand why you lied.” He says

 

“You knew?!” I ask in shock and looking up

 

“Of course I knew. I knew it was you when I saw you. When you said you didn't remember I thought it might have not been as important for you as it was for me. But after you asked if me and Kevin were together, I understood. You lied because you thought if you said the truth, it might have consequences you didn't want.” He says

 

“Maybe it was that, I don't really know. But you really aren't together, you've never been?” I ask

 

“Never really. We had those years during which our feelings were quite unclear, but it was during our teenage years, during those years, it's difficult to know what we feel. However, I know why you thought we were together, the day you saw me, was the day Kevin was coming in Korea to stay. It had been two years since we hadn't seen each other, and we were so happy, I think we could have kissed.” He says smiling

 

“That day, I remember it like if it was the most important day of my life, and I think it was.” I say

 

“Was?” He asks confused

 

“Today is now the most important day of my life.” I say “Because today, I'm gonna say to you something I've never said before. You have my heart you've had it since that day. But today is the day, I can say to you, that I love you.”

 

He smiles at me and hugs me.

 

“I give you my heart, please, keep it forever.” He says “Because I will love you forever.”

 

We both don't feel like going back to the party and decide to just go to bed.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

I wake up and smiles feeling arms around me. I have my face on his bare torso and my arms around him. I look up and see his beautiful face. It seems that even when he's sleeping, he is handsome. I put my head back on his torso and cuddles up against him. I feel so comfortable that I fall asleep again.

-------------------------------------------------

I'm woken by someone moving under me. I look at Jaeseop who is slowly waking up.

 

“Slept well?” He asks

 

I nod.

 

“And you?”

 

“Never spent a better night before. It feels so good to have you in my arms.”

 

I blush a bit.

 

“You're a really cute guy. Mixed with a super y one and good-looking one. In one word perfect.” He says

 

“You're perfect too.” I whisper

 

He smiles before kissing me.

 

“Let's see how are going the others.” He says

 

I get up and put on my pants. I took them off because sleeping with jeans isn't really comfortable, especially when they're skinny ones. Jaeseop does the same but doesn't bother putting a shirt on. He seems too sleepy to care.

We go down the stairs and go to the kitchen. I thought everybody would be awake, but the only one there is Eli. It's already noon.

 

“Hi, Eli” I say

 

He turns to us and smile.

 

“Seems like you weren't like the others.” Eli says smirking

 

I look at Jaeseop who looks at me as confused as I am.

 

“Care to explain?” Jaeseop asks

 

“You were sleeping, while they were doing other things. They were so noisy that I had to make Dongho sleep in my bedroom on the first floor. And if you haven't understood, then I can't do anything for you.” He says

 

“And where did Alexander go?” I ask

 

“He slept on the couch, you didn't see him?” Eli asks

 

I shake my head.

 

“Kibum and Kevin can't have been that noisy.” Jaeseop says

 

“But they weren't the only one. When you have Kibum and Kevin plus Soohyun and Hoon, I can assure you it is noisy. I don't even know how you managed to sleep.” He says

 

Jaeseop laughs while I smile.

 

“Tell me you didn't do anything to Dongho?” I ask

 

“Nope, but you please, prevent this kid from drinking alcohol, he was nearly giving himself to every single person at the party last night, I had to stop him several times.” Eli replies

 

This time both Jaeseop and I laugh.

 

“Must have been so funny.” Jaeseop says

 

“Not when you're nearly by an eighteen year old boy.” Eli says

 

I stare at him like if he was crazy. He must have felt my stare because he turns to me.

 

“You're kidding, right?” I say

 

“Not at all.” He replies

 

Jaseop laughs so much he finishes on the floor. I'm still in shock for myself.

 

“What is so funny?” Dongho says rubbing his eyes

 

Jaeseop's laughter grows as Dongho says that.

 

“Do you remember last night?” I ask

 

I see him blushing and I know he does.

 

“Eli told you?” He asks

 

“Yes.” I say

 

“Guess alcohol isn't for me.” He says “Can we talk later on Eli hyung?”

 

“Of course.” Eli replies

 

I let Jaeseop calms down and go to Eli.

 

“Want some help?” I ask

 

“I won't say no.” He says smiling

 

I prepare some eggs and bacon while he prepares rice. He heats up some milk while I set the table. When we're done, we decide to go wake up the others. Eli stays in the kitchen as Dongho wanted to talk to him. Jaeseop and I first wake up Alexander, who was indeed sleeping on the couch. He wakes up slowly but stay in the living room, after we said to him Dongho was talking to Eli privatly in the kitchen.

Jaeseop decides to wake up Kevin and Kibum while I wake Hoon and Soohyun.

 

“Hoon! Soohyun! Wake up!” I shout

 

Hoon slightly opens his eyes but doesn't move one bit.

I then decide to jump on their bed. This effectively wake them up. Hoon takes me in his arms to prevent me from bouncing on the bed.

 

“We're gonna get up. Just, would you mind waiting outside?” He asks blushing a bit

 

“Of course not, but if you take too much time I'll go find Kibum.” I say

 

“Okay.”

 

I then exit the room and see Jaeseop waiting too. I go to him and he takes me in his arms. He kisses me before caressing my cheeks.

 

“Your eyes kind of look like puppy's eyes.” He says “It's cute.”

 

I kiss his cheek and then put my head on his shoulder. Kevin and Kibum are the first one to get out. Kibum didn't bother putting a shirt on. Soohyun and Hoon arrive soon after, Hoon in Soohyun's arms, blushing. We don't ask anything and just go down. Alexander gets up when he sees us, he seems to be a lot more awake than when we left him. 

As we enter the kitchen, Dongho and Eli both look at Hoon whose blush hasn't disappeared. Soohyun delicately put him on a chair and sits on the chair next to Hoon's. I sit next to Hoon, with Jaeseop at my left. Kibum sits next to Soohyun with Kevin at his right while Alexander sits between Dongho and Kevin.

We eat silently, nobody daring to talk.

 

“You know what, this is getting on my nerves. What happened yesterday?” Alexander says

 

“Well, obviously, Hoon and Soohyun went at it.” Dongho says matter of factly

 

His statement makes Hoon blush.

 

“And Kevin and Kibum too. If you only knew how noisy you were guys, and it was only the four of you.” Eli says

 

Hoon's blush becomes even darker and Kevin's cheeks starts to get a bit pink

 

“That's why you told me not to go upstairs.” Alexander says looking at Eli who nods

 

“And what about Jaeseop and Kiseop, because they're obviously together?” Kibum asks

 

“They acted like innocent children and slept like babies.” Eli says

 

Kibum laughs and so does Soohyun. Both Kevin and Hoon hitting them. Hoon hitting especially hard.

 

“What, don't go saying you didn't want it?” Soohyun says which makes Hoon blush even more

 

The atmosphere becomes a lot more happy and everybody starts chatting.

 

“Everybody is happy now.” I say while sitting on Jaeseop's laps

 

“I'm the happiest.” Jaeseop whispers in my ear “Because you love me.”

 

“I know. And I love you too.” I say turning to him smiling

 

He kisses my cheek and places his chin on my shoulder, whispering 'I love you' as he does so. I smile and place his hands around my waist before looking at our happy group.