So he'd decided to take a sleeping pill.

 

If he didn't, the next day he'd do something that he'd regret. 

 

It already felt like the bile was crawling its way up his throat.

 

He was resisting the urge to drink himself -faced as a chaser, so he had to give himself some credit. 

 

He just laid himself down on his bed and prayed for some kind of sleep to hit him, a straight punch to the face to make this get the over with. 

If he tried not to think about it, if he tried to think about anything good in his life, there you were. He hated you missing practices now that Romeo had entered your life. You had always been there. Even the normally-silent Daeyhun had admitted to missing you over a couple of beers. They all knew how he felt about you, so they where all cautious of what to say. They didn't expect him to take a swing at them, but they just didn't want to see the dark cloud cross his face. 

 

He wished he didn't depend on you so much, and he stared at the open window at the moonlight, it cut across his face and shadowed his eyes. He just wished it'd hide the rest of the world from him and he could blissfully ignore it. He knew he'd found his soul mate, but you weren't his. How could it be so

cruel?

 

He sighed out loud, giving up a long time ago on trying not to be such a downer, as Choi had called him, before he knew it was deep. Now they just coped with it, trying to get him to smile. And he did, for them and the fans, but around you it was always a bit of plaster that was falling off. He threw his arm over his head, trying to will sleep to come, just needed a few minutes away from even himself.

 

A frantic knocking on his hotel door had him growling. Seriously? He couldn't even get this small minute to himself...didn't people know he was in it big tomorrow!?

 

Even in his mind it was sarcastic and he stomped over to the door, bypassing all of his thrown clothes, his shirt was gone the instant he came in the door and his shoes right before the bed. It left him in only his white tank top and loose drawstring pants, but that was how he liked to sleep. His irritation grew the closer he got to the door and threw it open, glaring intensely.

 

But instead of one of the group or a manager...

 

You.

 

You stood there, mascara running down your face from tears, wringing your hand in front of you again. 

 

"Sorry-! I'll go-." You turned like you were about to run out of his life again, but YongGuk snatched your arm, pulling you back with a bit more force than he should. You knocked hard into his chest and he felt the wind being knocked out of both of you, your face buried into his collarbone.

 

Instead of pulling away from him, you just grabbed his shirt, apologizing about the mess on his white tank, though it was the last thing in his mind. Even as you apologized, you dug in deeper, your body shook with suppressed sobs, and YongGuk just didn't know what to do. He felt anger at whatever this was, but he didn't want to pressure you into anything, and he couldn't just leave you to fight off your demon. 

 

Was it still pressure from your wedding?

 

Was it your fiancé?

 

Oh, if it was YongGuk himself...he'd commit right then.

 

It must have looked awkward, him leaning against the door frame, a small fragile girl cradled in his arms, sobbing her heart out. He placed his hand on your head, running his fingers through what he could. He just wished he knew what the hell was wrong.

 

You finally sniffled, daring to look up at him for a moment, and he almost died right then- your eyes where wide and watery, the pain in them staggering him.

He wanted to go fight someone, to go slay a dragon, to go running to burn this strange emotion off of his mind. But you needed him now, even if he didn't know what to do. 

 

So he stayed, locked in that moment with you, until you tightened your grip on his shirt, laying your head down on his chest. He knew it was only a second of time, but it felt like forever. You where almost silent in his arms, except for the occasional sniffle, and he just stood there, moving one hand along the soft cotton of your T-shirt. 

 

After another lifetime he slowly found his feet, steering you back to his couch, sitting you down and placing himself on the coffee table in front of it. Wasn't the most comfortable place, but it would serve its purpose. He looked at you, as you tried to compose yourself for your speech he was sure you had already prepared, and just reached out to hold your hand. You gave a choked laugh and he started, yet didn't let go, even as you covered his hand with your other hand. 

 

Clearing his throat after a few moments of silence, trying not to rush you, but he wasn't a guy that could see a problem and not fix it. Squeezing his hand you lowered your head further, and began your story.

 

"My wedding is tomorrow."

 

YongGuk nodded, confused. 

 

"And I can't do it."