When we finished eating the cake, we laid down flat on the wooden floor, our feet still dangling on the waters. We stared at the sky, our arms stretched up, trying to reach the stars. While we did so, I looked at Hyoyeon’s hands and bit my lower lip.

     I really want to hold her hand.

     I placed my hands down and crossed my arms across my chest.

     “I would sleep here if I could,” I said, my gaze still at the stars.

     “Sleepy already, Jinks?” Hyoyeon laughed; I could see from the corner of my eyes that she was looking at me now.

     I looked back at her and nodded.

     “But you just slept earlier,” She giggled and I just smiled.

     I can stare at her forever.

     “Jinks?”

     “Hmm?”

     “Is there something on my face?” She blinked.

     “Nothing.. You just—You just look beautiful.”

     I could see a faint blush creep on her cheeks and the smile she gave me was a shy one. “Oh, you. Stop flattering me, Jinks.”

     “I’m not, Hyo.” I said, shaking my head. “I’m serious,”

     We stared at each other and I had to fight the urge to kiss her because what I feel is wrong.

     It’s wrong in so many ways.

     I’m with my best friend, not my girlfriend.

     “Jinki?”

     “Yeah?”

     “Is there something wrong?”

     I just shook my head and turned my attention at the night sky.

     What I feel is wrong.

     Just then, I felt her cold hand hold mine and my gaze fell on her again.

     “You know you can tell me anything, Jinks,” She softly said, squeezing my hand.

     “I know.” I smiled a bit and she smiled back.

     We were quiet for awhile.

     “Hyo?”

     “Hmm?”

     “Anything?”

     She nodded.

     I gulped. Should I really tell her?

     If I won’t, it’ll haunt me.

     Like it has haunted me from the time Jessica and I got together.

     “I—“ I stopped.

     I shouldn’t do this.

     I’m not supposed to.

     I’ve kept my feelings for God knows how long already; why should I say it now?

     “You?” Hyoyeon blinked.

     I let go of her grip and just sat up; looking at my feet. “I don’t know, Hyo.” I said.

     My heart..

     It’s going to explode.

     I sighed.

     “Yah, Jinki. You’re worrying me,” said Hyo.

     I forced out a laugh, scratching my head. “Mianhae,”

     “Jinki, look at me.”

     No.

     “Jinki,”

     I looked at her.

     “What is wrong?”

      I panicked when my body started moving on its own and I couldn’t stop myself. I started to lean my face closer to hers and the next thing I knew, my lips have met hers. Hyoyeon sat there, frozen and shocked. I continued to kiss her but when I got no reply, I stopped and pulled myself away. I looked at her with an apologetic expression and she just stared back at me with wide eyes.

     “J-Jinki..?”

     “That’s—That’s what’s wrong, Hyo.” I said, looking in her eyes. “I love you, okay? I’ve kept this for so long already and I didn’t want to tell you because I don’t want it to ruin our friendship but with what’s happening now—”

     “Jinki—”

     “—I couldn’t stop myself and I just felt the need to tell you so that I could get it off my chest already but I don’t really know what to do or how to do it and—” I know I don't make any sense right now but I didn't want to let her speak because I was afraid of what she was going to say.

     “Jin—”

     “—I feel stupid right now for kissing you like that and Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry. This is wrong—”

     “I love you too.”

     “I shouldn’t have done that and I’m—what?” I widened my eyes with what she just said. Or maybe I was just hearing things?

     “I love you too, Jinki.” Hyoyeon smiled a bit. “But just like you, I kept it to myself.” Her gaze fell towards the lake. “I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship; I didn’t want it to ruin you and Jessica’s relationship.”

     “Hyoyeon..”

     “It hurts sometimes whenever I see you and Jessica together, smiling and stuff. You two looked so happy and I regretted not telling you my feelings.” I could hear her sobbing now. “I would think if it were me in Jessica’s place, would I also smile like that? Would I also be happy? But I didn’t want to push it because I’ve always thought that for you, I’m just a best friend. And when I found out that you and Jessica were together already, you don’t know how much my heart shrank and how hard it was to keep on smiling and be happy for the both of you. I couldn’t tell you I was hurting because I know I don’t have the right to. And when you started to tell me your problems about her, I started to gain hope that maybe one day, you’ll break up with her; that maybe I’ll have a chance with you.. but seeing that you seem to have no plans on doing that and that you’ll still stay by her side despite the problems, my hope started to subside and I knew for myself that I’ll never have a chance with you..”

     As she continued to pour her feelings out, she was already crying; her hands covering her face. I couldn’t move; I didn’t know what to do. She has kept her feelings all along but I didn’t know she was hurting more than I was and I started to feel sorry and guilty for both myself and hers.

     I stopped her from talking when I removed her hands and cupped her face. I could see it in her eyes; the pain.

     “I’m sorry, Hyoyeon.” I said, wiping her tears away. “I should have known,”

     “It’s not your fault, Jinki,” She said, shaking her head.

     I leaned in again and kissed her lips. This time, she kissed back.

     It’s wrong yet it feels so right.