I heard my door opened and someone entered.  I didn't bother to look. I pretended to be sleeping.

My eyes were close so I didn't see who seats on my bed. But I know who he is.

“What are you doing? " Siwon asked me. I didn't answer. I continue pretending.  " Hae, stop pretending. I know you're not sleeping. "

I open my eyes and looked at him “What am I doing? Don't you see it? I'm trying to get some sleep. " I closed my eyes again and turned my back against him.

“You know what I mean by that Hae. Earlier, what was that? “I know he was looking at me though I cannot see him in this position.

“What was what? I don't get you Siwon. " I answered, my eyes still close.

"Sora-shii.. " he said slowly and softly. That makes my eyes open but I didn't look at him. I just face the wall.

“What about her? " I asked in calm manner.

“I will ask you again, what I saw earlier, what was that? " he repeated his question.

“Nothing. I just choked myself because I was laughing while eating her sandwich." I don't want to elaborate what happened. But I know Siwon is smart enough not to believe me.

“Liar." I told you, he is smart.

“Why liar? " I asked him. I tried to get up and rest my back on the walls that I was facing a while ago.

"Hae, I know you. Sandwich cannot choke you.. Unless...” he stop talking and looked at me.

“Unless you faked it. " he completed his sentence and looked in my eye directly.

I smiled to myself, avoiding his eyes. " Why woud I fake it? " 

“You know why. Or shoud I tell you? “he chalenged me.

I cannot say anything. Siwon knew everything. My feelings for her. Yes. For Sora. My hyung's girlfriend. I don't know when and how did it start. Maybe when I first saw her in the theater when they were filming for WGM or maybe when she visited us before our Super show 4 or maybe before or after that. I really don't know. Until it developed and developed. Until one day, I just realize that I'm really into her. I fell in love with my hyung's girlfriend. I tried to stop it and tried to entertain myself with those girls in front of me. I dated here and there. I also tried to get into relationship but they doesn't last long. No matter how hard I tried to forget her, still, I can't erase her from my mind. Worst, I can't erase her from my heart.

When I saw her with hyung, I can't help but to get jealous. There was a time that I want to remove Leeteuk hyung from the picture. But of course, I cannot do that. Hyung is my brother. My respect for him is big enough to mess with his love life. But it wasn't my fault, wasn't it. It wasn't my fault to fall for her girlfriend.

But like what I said, I don't have any plans to ruin their relationship. I only kept it to myself until Siwon found about it one late night. 

[FLASHBACK]

Our members were drinking that night. It was a farewell party for Leeteuk hyung.  The members were almost drunk but I'm not. I don't know but no matter how much I drink I couldn't be drunk. I want to be drunk that night so that I can forget that Teuk hyung was the man loved by the girl I loved the most all of my life. I want to drown myself to forget all my evil plans against them. No, not against them but against their relationship.

" Donghae-ya, stop that now. No one is here with you and I can't drink with you too. " Siwon hold my cup and put it back on the table but I grabbed it and drink the wine from it.

" Its okay. Don't drink. Just be with me. " I nod my head and pour alcohol in my glass again.

“Why are you drinking too much Hae? It's not