I was having breakfast with Kibum-hyung when Taemin comes out in the room in his pajamas. His hair all messed up, face scrunched in pain, as he drags his feet to the table. When we took Taemin back to Kibum-hyung's house, he had changed Taemin's clothes and cleaned him up. I observe him intently, thinking of the moment when his lips were pressed on mine. I contemplate the possibility that he likes me back. 

"Hyung, can I have some soup? I have a really bad headache." Taemin grumbles, as he sits down beside me. 

The kiss entails something, I am sure of that. I should confess to him soon, and ask him about the kiss. It is somewhat certain that Taemin and I could be happy together, if he loves me and I love him. 

But what if he does not love me back?

I shrug that thought away. Think happy thoughts. The kiss meant something, as well as the confession. 

How should I confess to him? Should I give him flowers? Or do I simply tell him of my feelings? My heart pounds at the thought of a confession, and I think of scenarios in which I confess to him, and he accepts my feelings for him. 

-

A week has passed, and I have yet to tell Taemin of my feelings. I ditch the idea of giving him flowers, and think of something else instead. I walk along the streets of Itaewon, and walk into a shop. I see a stone which has a heart shape, and I think of Taemin. 

Perfect. 

I buy the gift, and type out a message for Taemin to meet me at a cafe later. I take a deep breath, and hit the 'Send' button before I decide against sending it. I have loved him for so long, it's time I should confess. 

-

"I have something to tell you." I start, breaking the awkward silence between us. Taemin is looking at me intently, waiting for me to start. He does not know what I have called him for. I thought I had mustered the courage to confess, but I wish that I can back out at the last minute. 

"What is it, hyung? You've been silent since I came here. Did something happen?" He asked, concerned. 

With my tongue tied, I find it hard to say anything. I take out the heart-shaped stone, wrapped in a gift box, and pass it to him. 

"This is for you." I look nervously as Taemin opens the box and picks up the stone. 

"What is this for? Why did you give me the gift suddenly?"

Silence.

"Actually, I'm gay," I mutter, not knowing where to start, so I figured I'll start with this. "I had always been, but I had to repress my feelings because I knew that my parents would be against it." I look down, staring intently at the surface of the table. It is made of wood, and has a nice, brown colour.

"It's okay, hyung. Why do you need to tell me this? I thought you told me about this when we were at the gay bar last week." Taemin smiles a little. "Is this why you had me over?"

"It's not just that, Taemin." I explain, "Actually..."

"I like you, Taemin. Being born in a Christian family, I had to repress my feelings or risk being kicked out of the house. But I can't repress my feelings for you, and I didn't want to be someone I was not. At the bar, you said you liked me and even kissed me, and I was happy that you liked me back."

A wave of silence came across us. Taemin looks confused, as if he had never expected this, and I feel a mild sense of dread that is growing with every second. 

"Hyung, is this why you left the house?" I nod, and he seems uneasy.

"I think you've got the wrong idea. I'm gay, but I don't like you back." He explains. 

"Then, what about the kiss and the confession?" I hurriedly ask, perplexed. This cannot be happening, wasn't it fairly obvious that he liked me back? If he didn't like me, why would he confess to me after he got drunk?

"That..." Taemin looks embarrassed, as he continues. "I could have mistaken you for another person. I have a crush on another man, someone that you don't know." He looks serious as he says that, so I don't think it was a lie that he actually likes someone else. What was I thinking? Not only did I misinterpret his actions, I've also made things awkward for us.

"I'm sorry for giving you the wrong idea," Taemin says.

"No, don't be sorry. I was mistaken." I hurriedly reply. "Can we stay as friends?" I ask. 

"Yeah, of course. Why not?" But his tone betrays his words, and I know that it will not be the same between us. 

-

The trip back home with him was awkward, and we did not speak until we got into the house. I blame myself for the confession gone wrong, and I wonder what went wrong? Why did I misinterpret his words as a confession to me? Why was I so sure that he liked me? Why did I leave the house, just to realise that I wouldn't be able to get what I wanted? I should have known that he had never liked me in the first place. Even when we hanged out together, he didn't show fondness to me that hinted that he liked me more than a friend. He just treated me as a good friend, a hyung​, and I've ruined all that. 

When we reached Kibum-hyung's house, I rushed into the my room, and closed the door. It was then, when sadness overwhelmed me and I sobbed quietly. I put my hands to my face, and leaned against the wall, and I stayed here throughout the night. 

Kibum-hyung came into the room, asking me if I wanted dinner. He took a look at me before nodding, and going out. I wonder if he knows of me and Taemin, but I appreciate how he gave me time alone. 

-

The day after the confession, I had breakfast with Kibum-hyung and Taemin. I could feel the visible awkwardness between us, and he finished his breakfast in a hurry before leaving. And I knew, he would never treat me the same again. As days passed, he found more excuses to avoid me more, and moved out of the house, and I let him be. What's the use of confronting him for it?

Author's note: Sorry for the long hiatus! I'm sorry to keep you hanging. To be honest, I didn't think of continuing this story until recently.