Story Title: No longer my sounding board
Author: CrystalYing
Story link: Here

Title: 3/5  

•   Did it catch my attention?

Well it made me interested in what’s going to happen in the story. I guess that counts as a yes. You should also try and capitalize your title since it’s a proper noun. It’s a name of something so it definitely needs capital letters.

•   Is it memorable?

No, the only thing that I would be able to remember would be the words “Sounding Board”.

•   How original is it?

I never heard of the title before, I guess that counts for originality.

Poster: /5

•   Is it eye catching?
•   Does it interest me to your story?
•   Is it creative?

You don’t have a poster so I can’t mark you for this.

Description/ Foreword: 3/10

•   Did it interest me to read chapter one?

Well you could’ve added more details to it. Just a tad bit more that could hook the readers in.

•   Was I ready to click the subscribe button just by reading the foreword?

No. Two reasons; the fact that it’s a oneshot and the fact that your foreword/description just didn’t leave me eager to read more.

Chapter Titles: 3/5

•  Did they give a little insight to the chapter?

Well since it’s a oneshot, I won’t hold the fact that you used the same title as your actual title against you. Though a little bit more creativity could’ve helped too.

Formal Language: 12/15

•   Grammar

 My forehead was feeling slightly numb from pressing against my kneecaps. But, that sensation was nothing compared to what am I really feeling right now. Insignificant. You could’ve joined the sentences together since that is what a conjunction is for and since but is a conjunction you should’ve used it the way it was devised to. I know you could also start your sentences with a ‘but’, unfortunately this isn’t an exception. Also, I don’t think you should have the comma after the ‘but’.

 I thought bawling my eyes out would ease the emotional burden that has being weighing me down for awhile now.  Change ‘being’ to ‘been’.

As much I wanted to cry until I go blind, clear liquid refused to escape from my eyes. Try adding ‘as’ after ‘much’ and before ‘I’.

I didn’t hear the door give its usual creak when it opens nor did I see it being pushed from the other side. I think adding a comma after ‘opens’ and before ‘nor’ would help.

•   Spelling

I don’t think there was any spelling mistakes that I have seen.

•   Vocabulary

You could’ve added more interesting words to fancy up your story.

I also think you were pretty repetitive in some parts.

Flow/ Layout: 14/15

•   Did it have a nice flow?

Well it had a nice flow. It went from here to there quite nicely.

•   Did each chapter connect and made sense?

Can’t mark you for this. You only have one chapter.

•   Did you confuse me or was it crystal clear?

It was pretty clear.

•   Was your story set up properly?

Yes. I have no say in that.

Plot: 7.5/15

•   How original was it?

Well the plot is pretty cliché. The girl losing her family, the best friend being there, the friendship evolves. It’s pretty much the same as most stories out there.

•   Did it interest me?

Not really. I guess I was interested to know what has happened to her but that’s pretty much it.

Characters: 6/10

•  Did it give me a nice sense on what the character should be like?

Uh, it told me what the character was like. The only thing is that, I didn’t quite feel the character connect to the audience. I got pretty bored reading things from her POV.

•   Was he/she intriguing?

Well I didn’t find her intriguing.

Writing style: 5.5/10

• Was your writing style fascinating?

Yes. But I got pretty bored at reading it. Maybe it’s just my short attention span kicking in but it just didn’t make me want to savor every sentence you wrote, or even most of it. I guess it was because you were being descriptive. Descriptive is good! It’s just that I find it boring and usually even when I am reading books, I skip those parts. Sorry my personal opinion and habits are kicking in too.  

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

•  Did the story connect to the audience?

I guess it could’ve connected to the audience but I felt like it was lacking a bit.

•  How entertaining was it?

It was pretty entertaining but that felt like a first chapter to a continued fanfic. Why? Because it has no !!! In every plot there should be a problem, a solution and a somewhere and you lacked that! Everything was pretty mellow.

Total: 59/95
  

A big thanks for fizz-peaze for your time for reviewing my one shot! Check out Fizz-Peaze's Review Request Shop at

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