Jinyoung POV

I ran my fingers through my hair, wanting to see Ah ra when I came home.

She’s been so busy with her own work these days that I feel like I haven’t talked to her at all in weeks!

“Ah ra?” I went into her studio, seeing her working away on her project. “Are you busy today?” I asked, standing over her shoulder. I feel like she barely notices me anymore because I haven’t seen her face to face in days. She never turns her head to see me either.

“Yeah.” She responded simply.

“…Okay…” I went to our room, just lying down on my back. I want to see Ah ra… We barely talk these days and her voice seems downcast too.

My phone beeped from a text. I flipped it open, groaning when I saw the sender.

You should come over tonight! We’ll have lots of fun ;)

I cringed at the winking smile emoticon, tossing the phone down. When did I get myself into this…?

My phone beeped again. Shinwoo this time…

Jung Jinyoung, don’t you dare cheat on Ah ra. Stop it now before I intervene myself. I’d go as far as getting Ah ra to divorce you. Just stop it now.

I rubbed my tired eyes, knowing that Shinwoo was serious. I’m sure that he really loved her a lot before we got together and that if I never met her, they would be dating… But he doesn’t understand.

No one understands.

I’m not cheating on Ah ra.

The only reason I’m pleasing that stylist… It’s all for Ah ra.

It’s only for her.

I checked my phone. It’s past 2am… I’ll wait for Ah ra. She seems really down lately and I need to talk to her about it. I’d prefer it if she were smiling all the time. Maybe I’m selfish, but it’s so I don’t feel like a horrible husband to her.

She had to give up so much of her own freedom just to marry me. She can’t walk in and out of this house freely and can never go out with me either, unless I dress low-key to disguise myself. I want her to live happily even if she’s married to me.

I checked my phone again. It’s 4:30 am… She’s still not here. She’s not with me every night lately. I stay up until she comes to bed. I haven’t been getting much sleep in result…because she isn’t sleeping in bed anymore.

I got up, quietly walking to her studio’s doorway. She was still working…

“Ah ra.” I saw her hand flinch at my voice’s sudden appearance. “You should come to bed now.”

“I’m almost done.” I bit my lip.

“Okay.”

She never came to bed.

.

“Ah ra…You’re really busy again…?” I asked the next day when I got home. I had gotten back late after working on a new song, so I thought she would be getting ready to sleep… “It’s already 3am…” I almost whispered. I wanted her to turn her face to me so badly. I miss seeing her. I miss hearing her happy tone. I want her next to me.

“Yeah.” It’s the same response every night. It’s even the same word. I hate it.

“Okay.” I gave her the same reply too. “Good…Goodnight then…” I shuffled back to our room, flopping onto the bed with a sigh.

Why are you acting like this with me…? I even have to pretend to like that stylist every day just for you…

It’s probably my fault for not being careful in the first place… I just never expected something like this, but…Ah ra…you’re not making it easier for me… Just please…please come to bed tonight and put your arm around my waist like you used to.

I know I would get heated from the simple touch each time, but, as always, I still longed for it every night even when we talked as usual. I loved your simple touches. I wanted to be bolder and give you kisses like other lovers, but my face would heat up and you thought it was just cute shy blush.

It wasn’t because I was shy.

I wanted more.

It wasn’t shyness, not at all. My body would just start to feel so hot and…aroused. I-It’s embarrassing since I’m an adult, but I never really got too by other people before Ah ra. I don’t know why, but I think that’s how it was. I can’t remember ever blushing or getting shy or heated around others before I started liking her. Normal people get heated too, but my face just heats up along with this and Ah ra thinks I’m shy… I’m just as as the next guy.

“Ah ra.” I stood in the doorway to her studio. She didn’t respond. “Ah ra, are you coming to bed now…?”

“I’m almost done.”

“You said that yesterday, but you never came to bed.” I said sharply. She didn’t reply. “It’s 4am. Come to bed.”

“In a bit.” I was starting to get angry because she hasn’t looked at me through this whole conversation. She never does these days. She used to even come to the front door to greet me before.

“Ah ra.” No answer. “Ah ra.” She wouldn’t even answer back. “Ah ra!” I screamed her name.

“What?!” She finally answered, but she didn’t inch her face even a little in my direction.

“Just…Just come to bed…” I breathed out.

“In a while.” I got so upset today. I stomped over to her, grabbed her arm, pulling it towards me.

“No.” She still didn’t look at me! What’s wrong with her?!

“Let go of me.” She spoke coldly.

“Tell me why you’re so depressed. You won’t even look at me anymore! You don’t come to bed and just work here all night or sleep in a cold studio. Do you know how upset it makes me? Do you know how many hours I stay up, just waiting for you to come to bed only to be saddened every night? Do you know how much it hurts me when you don’t even talk to me or let me see your face?!” She stood up, looking me straight in the eyes.

“And do you know how much you’re hurting me?!” She screamed loudly. “You don’t understand anything!”

“What did I do wrong?!” I questioned her.

“Do you really not know?! Shinwoo was right, you are so stupid. You don’t even know what you did when it shattered my thoughts of you!”

“Don’t say Shinwoo’s name.” I’ve always been envious of Shinwoo for being close to Ah ra. I hate it when she mentions his name. I believe that she really loved him instead of me and was just showing pity on my heart when she chose me.

“Shinwoo. Shinwoo. Shinwoo!”

“Stop it!” I was on the verge of tears from the yelling. I hate screaming. I’ve never been yelled at by Ah ra, and I’ve never shouted at her until recently when I was really too stressed out. “Please…just stop it…” I couldn’t take it.

“Why don’t you stop it then?!” Her tears were welling up in her eyes too.

“Stop what?!” My brain didn’t even register the event, but I felt the entire sting after Ah ra slapped me. My eyes were wide open. Ah ra has never slapped me before. We’ve barely ever argued. I looked back her, speechless from her actions when she was already headed for the front door. “W-Wait! Ah ra! Tell me what I did wrong!” I trapped her against the door while she was trying to unlock it. “Please tell me why I’m such a horrible husband to you…”

I could hear her sniffling and it was killing me on the inside.

Ah ra deserves much better than me. I’m a man who doesn’t even know the crimes I’ve committed towards my wife. She’s crying and I don’t know what I did wrong. She’s letting her tears out and I still know nothing.

“Just leave me alone.” She opened the door, but I grabbed her arm to keep her inside.

“Tell me what I’ve done to you.” She kept her eyes low.

“I’m moving out for a while.” I didn’t know what to say and stayed silent for just a second.

“Why…? Why are you leaving?!” I couldn’t control my loudness and was yelling so piercingly.

“I just am.” She pushed me off hard.

“Ah ra!” She left, shutting the door behind her with a slam. “Ah ra…Ah ra…” I kept repeating her name, finally letting my tears show on my cheeks.

I don’t know what I did that upset you so much, but I’m so sorry… I’m just an idiot. A stupid idiot who’s in love with you. I don’t know what to do.

My phone beeped as I sat, crouched down in the corner next to the front door.

Jinyoung, you’re an idiot. Ah ra is at my house right now, holding back her tears silently.

I let the phone drop out of my hand, burying my head into my knees and arms.

Ah ra went to Shinwoo.