xforevax still here :D

I probably gained quite a few haters from the last review, but that's fine with me! Let's get started.

Title: The Salinity of your Tears

Author: Kyuyemineunhae

Brief Description:

A Normal 16 year old girl named Kim Yeunja who finds out has spinocerebellar degeneration - a disease where the cerebellum of the brain gradually deteriorates to the point where the victim cannot walk, speak, write, or eat. How will she carry on her life knowing that it will soon come to an end?

She created a list of things she wanted to complete before she dies. She was hesitant about Love. It was risky, and she would have to endure pain emotionally but still, she put it last on her list. Will she be able to complete this list before her life ends?

Genre: Tragedy,Romance, Angst

Link To Story (will explain why later): http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/35340/the-salinity-of-your-tears-angst-kyuhyun-romance-suzy-tragedy-yesung

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General Comments:

As you can see, the general comments are up here this time because I really want to let this out because I am seriously hyperventilating. Why? Because your story is really, really good. I was left sitting there from the very start feeling sorry for her. It was as though I could already connect with Yeunja. Honestly I am really surprised you don’t have very many subscribers, because you honestly deserve it! In fact, I loved it so much that I’ll be subscribing the moment I post this review! Great work! Anyone who wants a good read, follow the link ^^

Title: 10/10

I really like your title. I really summed up exactly what your story would be delivering. Not only that but it drew the readers in. Overall, it was the perfect title.

Description/ Foreword: 17/20

I’ve picked up a few errors in your description.

This:

A Normal 16 year old girl named Kim Yeunja who finds out has spinocerebellar degeneration-

Should be:

A normal sixteen year old girl name Kim Yeunja finds out she has spinocerebellar degeneration-

I often write using the numeral form of a number instead of the word form like you did. But really, we shouldn’t because you should only write a number in its numeral form if it’s above thirty.

Another error; this:

How will she carry on her life knowing that it will soon come to an end?

Should be:

How will she carry on living her life knowing that it would soon come to an end?

There are other small errors and if you want to know all of them so you can fix it up, just pop a message on my wall ^^ Despite a few grammatical errors, your description was good. It didn’t give too much away, and didn’t leave the reader completely confused. Good job for that!  

Originality/Plot: 30/30

Even though I’ve read some stories where there is a slowly dying protagonist, your story is still very original. I haven’t read very many stories where the girl is gradually dying in front of everyone’s eyes but many don’t realise it. I also haven’t read a story where the author has been able to convey exactly how she is feeling. The plot flows really well, it doesn’t leave me completely composed, nor is it very simple or to predictable. An easy to follow plot is good for every story.

Grammar/Punctuation/Writing Style: 25/30

There are quite a few grammatical errors throughout your story, but nothing too big that it became hard on the eyes and too confusing. There are only two major errors, and once you get a hang of it, it is really easy to get rid of.

The first error is your tense. Okay, so really, the tense throughout your story is really good, it’s just one word which you keep getting wrong. The word is sat. Throughout the story you talk about her friend or sister sitting next to her, but a majority of the time you’re using the wrong tense for the word.

For example, this:

I’m currently sat under the ancient oak tree…

Should be:

I’m currently sitting under the ancient oak tree…

The second error is your dialogue. Your dialogue isn’t punctuated correctly.

For example this:
“Nothing” I said with a small smile.

Should be:

“Nothing,” I said with a small smile.

Before you say who said the section of speech you need to punctuate it. Before the speech marks you place a comma in place of a full stop or if it’s an exclamation then place and exclamation mark. You can’t leave it without punctuation. Also, once you end the speech, if you are planning to say ‘he said’ or ‘she said’, don’t capitalise the ‘he’ or the ‘she’.

For example,

“It’s cold today,” he said.

There are also a few errors in your story which a little proof reading can help eliminate. Overall your grammar and punctuation is pretty good! I’m surprised you are new to writing because your writing style is quite solid.

Character/Detail: 10/10

Your story is definitely not lacking detail and your characters development is going well. Keep writing like this and your story will be able to maintain its good impression.

2011 xforevax