Story Link

Title: My Seoul Mate

Author: cocoloco123

Brief description of story: Cordelia Darwin moved to Seoul, South Korea-after much begging from her best friend Ok Hae-Won- to attend Seoul National University. Cordelia soon finds out that life in Seoul is nothing like she expected it to be, girls there are obsessed with looks and Cordelia's 100% natural beauty sparks envy and hate amongst the girls shocking poor Cordelia. But what shocked Cordelia the most was the fact that her best friend had a brother in Korea who happened to be Ok Taecyeon from 2PM. Although Cordelia is not really into k-pop she can't help but to be a little flustered when he shows up at the apartment Hae-Won and herself share. When 2PM and Cordelia start to become closer and closer how will everyone deal with their growing affection for each other

Genre: romantic comedy
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Title – 7/10

A good use of homophones in your title! The word Seoul and Soul is a good example in the title of your story however I have seen similar titles on AFF a number of times.

Description/forward – 15/20

Your description is a little too detailed. Just by reading the description, I feel as if I already know most of your plot which may be a turn-off to many readers. When it comes to writing descriptions, paragraphs will make it much easier for readers to read especially when you have images or brief descriptions of the main characters.

Your Forward is a good start/ introduction to your story. It gives us an idea on how your plot came to be.

Originality/ Plot – 20/30

I like how you have a nice simple plot in your story, however it isn’t very original. The girl moving to Korea and meeting celebrity plot happens way too many times, I’m getting tired of it.

Grammar/Punctuation/ Writing style – 24/30

I realised that you tend to repeat the phrase/ word ‘Omo’, ‘Oh my Gosh’, and ‘Aigoo’ many times. I know that Korean Ahjummas tend to say Aigoo quite a lot but you use Aigoo in many places where it isn’t needed.

There are a few places where you have mixed up your tenses.

‘Oh my god…. Taking a nap was a bad idea. It is 12AM and I can’t fall asleep. At least I woke up to find Ahjumma back next to me, when she woke up I wanted to ask her what her son thought on SNU.’

Should be:

‘…when she wakes up, I want to ask her what her son thought of SNU.’

Your sentence started off in Present tense, but then changed to past tense. Try to keep the tense the same throughout your story.

There are no major spelling errors, but there are a few places where instead of typing I’m you have left out the ‘m or you have left out some spaces between words.

Characters and Details – 9/10

Your Characters have their own ‘persona’ which is good in any kind of story. More details are needed in your sentences but overall, you have maintained a flowing story.

Total – 75/100

General Comments

Although your story wasn’t really my cup of tea, it is written well and I can see much use of Korean terms. Try to show the main points of the story and be as detailed as you can when needed while the unnecessary dialogue should be left out. The thing I like about your story is that you have a nice, casual writing style that is easy for readers to read.

Hwaiting! :)

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Review by Heartbeat Graphics

SHINeeGirl910