Still Amber POV

“………why…….. why didn’t you tell me…….. why are you so stupid Amber…….”

The voice, it’s surely hers………….

“……………… Krys……………………”

No, it can’t be her, she can’t be here.

I slowly turn my body. And yes, it really is Krystal, she’s right in front of me right now, she stares at me deeply, with her teary eyes.

She’s crying………..

Did she find out?

My hand automatically lifts and wipes the tears on her cheeks, even though I can feel tears on my cheeks too.

“Why…… why are you here…”, I try my best to speak.

Krystal suddenly hugs me, she’s sobbing hardly on my chest. Hearing her sobbing I can’t help but let out my tears again.

Krystal finally breaks the hug. She holds my shoulders and stares at me deeply.

“Why Amber? Why are you hiding it?”

I can’t answer her question. I just bow my head to avoid her gaze.

“Is it because of him?....................... Jonghyun oppa?”

“…………………………….. Doctor said his disease is hard to be healed. It’s depend on him, depend on his desire to fight the disease…………… we…… we need to build up his desire, we need to cheer him up….. and………. It’s you…………….. you’re the one who makes him happy…….. he needs you more than I do”, I tell Krystal without facing her. It would be hard for me to say such things if I see her face directly.

“And why didn’t you tell me about this?”, she asks with bitter voice.

I keep bowing my head, I can’t answer her, again.

“Am”, Krystal cups my face and lift it gently to make me look at her, “you have no idea about my feeling for you”

“Krys……”

“If you want me to be with Jonghyun oppa, to make him happy, to make him stronger, I’ll do it, Amber. I’ll do it……………….. for you. I know you love your brother”, Krystal is trying to hold her tears. She bows her head and I can hear she starts sobbing.

“Krys…”, I hold her shoulders, I don’t want her to think that I just love my brother, I love her, I love her so much, “Krys, look, you have no idea about my feeling for you too. You have no idea about how painful my chest is, you……… you have no idea how much……..how much I love you”

Krystal looks up to me, “I know……… I know you can’t choose one of us, me or your brother, and I won’t force you to choose. You won’t lose one of us……. I will make your brother happy, I’ll help him to build his desire to fight his disease, but………… I’m still yours, my heart is belong to you”

Hearing those words from her, my chest becomes so narrow, and it really hurts. Deep inside my heart, I just want her to be mine, only mine, but my hyung……….. my hyung needs her. God……. Why is this happening to us?

I pull the girl in front of me, the girl that I really love, into my arms. My chest is exploding now, I’m crying hard on her tiny shoulder.

***********      

Krystal POV

Pretending is tiresome, am I right? I haven’t told Jonghyun oppa about my feeling toward him, I decided not to talk about it because if I tell the truth, I’ll break his heart and worsen his condition. But for his sake, these days I always come to visit him. I always accompany him in the morning, and walk him in the afternoon before I go back home. Seeing Jonghyun oppa’s smile every time he’s with me, I actually can feel his happiness, even though I can’t feel it for my self.

It’s not surprise for me when the doctor said Jonghyun oppa’s condition is much better, well, I can totally feel it. At least what I’m doing right now is not useless.

“Krystal”, I hear Jonghyun oppa calls my name. Yes I’m with him right now, accompanying him in the backyard of Liu’s house.

“Yes?”, I reply to him.

“Thank you for being with me”

I just smile to Jonghyun oppa.

“I’m so happy to be with you. But I don’t know about your feeling when you’re with me”

He often asked about how I feel every time I’m with him, but I’ve never answered him. I hold Jonghyun oppa’s hand, it feels cold, “get well, oppa, I want you to get well”

Jonghyun oppa puts his other hand on mine, he then squeezed my hand gently.

“It’s getting cold here, let’s go inside”, I say to him. I grab the handlebars of his wheelchair, yes he’s using wheelchair, it’s not he can’t walk but doctor forbid him to push his energy too much.

“Krystal”

“Hm?”

“Why is your best friend so busy? Can you tell her to quit from her job? I miss playing with that little dork dino you know. These days she always wakes up in the early of morning and she’s always back home when I’m asleep”

My heart weakens as I remember her, yes, Amber is so busy. A couple of days ago she started to work in a music store, I don’t know how did she get the job.

She told her family that being at home all day long makes her feeling bored, so she asked her parents’ permission to work. I actually know that what she said isn’t the real reason why did she decide to work, because the real reason is she can’t see me being with Jonghyun oppa all the times, it hurts her.

“Well, I miss my best friend too”, I smile bitterly as I call Amber my ‘best friend’, just like my unnie said, I’ve never loved Amber just as a ‘best friend’. She’s not just a best friend for me, she’s someone that I need, she’s a need for me.

“This weekend let’s have fun together. We can do something like barbeque party. Amber won’t work in weekend will she?”

I can say this is bad idea, because I don’t wanna hurt her feeling.

“Well, I think she needs to rest in the weekend”

“You think so?”

“Umm…yeah”

“But I miss my sister”

“……… well, just ask her about it”

***       

Amber POV

I hear the sound of door is opened. I look up and I find some girls in school uniform are stepping inside the store.

“Hey”, Henry—my colleague in the store—elbows me. Yeah, I’m now an employee in a music store. I got this job form the bastard next to me, Henry. He’s a friend of mine, we used to join Chinese Language course and he was my classmate.

That time I felt really tired for seeing My hyung with……… Krystal… in almost every time, I decided to turn on my pc and chat with some friends. Henry suddenly appeared in the chat room. He greeted me, saying ‘long-time-no-see’ and stuffs. He then offered me a job, he said his work place needs some new workers to join, and I agreed to join, I thought it’s a good chance for me. And the most important thing, if I’m busy working, I won’t see Krystal with my Hyung frequently.

 I know I should understand about the condition, but I just can’t see them together. It hurts me so bad. On the other hand, I feel relief since doctor said Jjong hyung’s condition is getting better day by day. Krystal…………………….. she is sacrificing her feeling for my hyung and…………….for me. I really want to hug her in my arms, I miss her.

“Amber!!”, Henry elbows me harder.

“Aish! What?!”

“Do you realize that these days there are so many girls come to our store? It’s since you were here, man”, he punches my shoulder lightly, “you got so many fangirls you lucky bastard”, he chuckles.

“Well, God blessed my gen”, I smirk to him before getting up to great our guests, “good afternoon Young Ladies, can I help you?”

“Uhh… we’re looking for music instruments for our school music club”, a girl says shyly.

I smile to her, “let me show you, follow me”

“Hey, bro”, Henry whispers to me, “make them buy all the music instruments here”

I give Henry ‘OK’ sign.

***       

It’s eight PM right now and I just finished my work. Now I’m getting ready to go home. Home, thinking about ‘home’ makes me starting feeling unwell. I actually love my home, being with my beloved family is something that makes me happy. But………… honestly the situation at home reminds me of the togetherness of my hyung and Krystal.

Aish what am I thinking?! He’s your hyung Amber!

“Yo Amber”, Henry calls me, he’s standing at the doorway while holding a bottle of…………beer? Henry is older than me, he’s allowed to drink it.

“Ready to go?”, he asks me.

“Yeah. Hold a sec”, I zip my jacket, put on my cap, grab my bag, and approach Henry, “let me try it”, I snatch Henry’s beer from his hand.

“Yah!! How old are you?! Aren’t you still a high school student?!”

“I’ll be graduated soon”

“But you’re still…”

I gulp the beer, it tastes ……. Weird, but somehow I want it some more.

“Amber! You can’t have it! Give it back to me!”, Henry is about to snatch the bottle but he fails.

“It’s okay dude, I won’t get drunk!”, I say to him and gulp the beer again, “hey can I have it? I know you have more beers in your condo right?”

“You……You can’t have it! You’re still…”

“Hen, trust me, I won’t get drunk, okay? Bye dude! And thanks for this”, I pat Henry’s shoulder before leaving him.

“Amber! aish are you crazy?!”

I hear Henry’s shouting, but ignore him.

***       

Krystal POV

I can’t sleep. I tried to close my eyes before, but it didn’t work. I decided to go outside to get some fresh air. It’s so quite here, somehow I feel comfort with this situation.

Why am I feeling right now? Why am I like this?

I miss Amber.

I really want to see her.

I really want to talk to her.

I want Amber.

I take a seat on the floor of my terrace. I take a deep breathe, feeling the fresh air inside my lungs. Suddenly I hear the sound of footsteps, who is walking in this late? The footsteps are getting closer and closer. I get up to see who is walking, I’m just wondering about it.

My eyes widens when I see a familiar figure is walking toward my direction, no, she isn’t walking toward my direction, she’s walking toward her home which is located right next to my home.

She looks…… terrible. Her short hair is really mess. And why is she walking like that? She looks…………………………. Drunk?

I immediately approach her.

I sense something bad about her.

“Amber!”, I call her but she keeps walking, seems like she didn’t hear my voice, “Am!”, I run to her.

God, I can smell alcohol scent strongly. And I notice she’s holding a bottle.

“Amber! Give me the bottle!”, I snatch the bottle from her. I check it, it’s actually a beer. How did she get it? She’s still underage!

“Yah! Gimme back my beer!”, Amber tries to snatch the beer.

“No! Are you crazy?! How did you get this?!”

“I got it from heaven. Now give it back, I command you”

Amber is definitely drunk.

“No”

Fortunately I find a bin near by.

“PLUGG”, I throw the bottle to the bin.

“Yah! Why did you throw the beer?! How dare are you?!”

“Amber, you’re drunk, I’ll take you home”, I grab her hand but she refuses.

“Let me have the beer!!”

“NO!!! stop it Amber you’re drunk!”

Amber’s expression suddenly changes. I can see the poignant in her eyes.

“Can’t I have what I want?”, she says with bitter voice, I even see her eyes become teary.

“Am, look, it’s not like that… but you can’t…”

“I can’t have what I want… I can’t………………… I can’t…”, Amber kneels down, “I can’t have someone I love… I can’t have Krystal…… now I just want the beer…… why did you throw it……”

I can’t hold my tears anymore.

“Am… it’s me……. I’m Krystal…”, I grab her hand, putting it on my cheek.

Amber looks up, she stares at me while putting her other hand on my other cheek.

“Krystal……”

“Yes Amber it’s me”, I say with trembling voice.

Amber caresses my cheeks, wiping my tears. Her hand feels warm on my cheeks.

“No!”, she suddenly removes her hands from my cheeks, “you aren’t Krystal… Krystal can’t be with me…… I can’t touch her anymore”

It hurts me hearing those words from her.

“Amber…”

“Stay away from me… you’re not my Krystal..”

“Amber it’s me!”, I start to sob harder. My chest is really painful.

“Princess??”

Amber holds my shoulders gently while staring at me in the eyes, “Princess…… don’t cry…… I don’t wanna see you cry…”

Amber pulls me into her hug, “sshh… don’t cry Princess… I’m here, your servant is here, I’ll protect you”

“Amber…… please don’t be like this… please…”, I’m crying harder and harder. I can’t see her like this, it hurts my heart.

“Ssshh… it’s okay Princess, we’ll be together forever right? right?”

I keep sobbing.

Suddenly I feel Amber’s body weakens.

“…………Am? Amber are you okay?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Am?? Amber?!”, I’m getting panic.

“I… Love you…… Princess…”

I hear she mumbles, and finally I can feel her weight on my body now. She faints.

“………I love you too…Amber”

***       

Amber POV

Aish why my head really hurts? And my eyes are so heavy to be opened. I look at around, ah… I’m in my own room. I didn’t remember how did I get here? I try to remember but aish my head is so painful.

I get up of my bed while massaging my head. Wait! What time is it?! I should get ready to work! The store will be opened at nine, now is…….. aish there’s no clock in my room.

I stand up and am about to go outside, but then my door suddenly opens. Oh, it’s my mom. She’s bringing breakfast for me.

“Good morning, mom. Do you know what time is it? I need to go to…”

“STAY”

I’m dumbfounded. Why does my mom look creepy? Did I do something wrong?

“Mom? Are you okay?”

“What?? Are you even okay, Amber??”

“Yeah… I indeed feel a little bit dizzy but…”

“Oh God this kid… you’re not okay Amber, definitely not”

“……w…what? why? I mean……”

“Kid, you were drunk last night. And can you please explain to me about that?”

What?? Drunk? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………SH*IT! I remember it!

I just finished working, I didn’t wanna go home and my feeling was terrible, then Henry came with a bottle of beer in his hand. I though by drinking beer, it could relax my mind. I snatched it from Henry. I did promise my self not to get drunk but……………. I kept taking gulp on my way back home.

And I don’t remember what happened later.

But I remember………………………………. I did meet someone last night…………………………………………………………………… who was it?

“Tell me. How did you get the drink?”, my mom put the breakfast on my desk before folding her arms.

“…….uhh………uh……… my friend”

“In your work place?”

“Ugh……..y…yes…”

“Okay, you don’t need to go to work again. I don’t allow you to work again”

“Mom! No it wasn’t his fault! I mean…… I forced him to have it! He did forbid me but…”

“But what? What made you force him to drink it? Tell me Amber do you have any problem or something?”

“…………n……no…. I just…… wanted to try it”, I lie to my mom.

Mom exhales, “today I punish you to not to go to work. And if you do something like this again, I won’t allow you to work again, got it Amber Josephine Liu?”

I nod.

“Good. Now eat your breakfast”, mom turns back and about to leave.

“Mom”

Mom stops and turns back to me, “what?”

“……… I’m sorry………………………………….. I love you”, I mumble.

Mom approaches me, she holds my shoulders.

“You know why I’m like this because I love you right?”

I nod.

“……don’t do it again, promise me?”

I nod.

Mom cups my face, “That’s my Amber”

I finally can see my mom’s smile, that makes me smile too.

“Eat your breakfast, I need to do a lot of stuffs, okay?”

“Okay. But mom, who took me home last night?”

Mom rolls her eyes, “who else? Your one and only Princess”

…………………………….. Krystal?