They say jealousy is something you feel whenever you see your love one talking to another person. But can I really say that what I feel right now is a feeling called love? Especially that we just met a day ago, we just dated last day and just started getting comfortable today? I don’t really know but, whenever I see her clinging with Minjun hyung, I have this feeling to tug her away from him and well … run away.

I know I shouldn’t feel this about her since we all know that she met Minjun hyung first, but I can’t help it, her smiles are different whenever she’s with Minjun hyung … it’s more vibrant and clear than the times we were together.

My grip on my shoes tightened as they continue to take close selcas in front of me, I gritted my teeth secretly with my face facing the endless horizon of the sea. I heaved deeply before the waves washed my feet softly. “Jaebummie, let’s take a selca together with oppa!” There she is again, calling that old man an oppa. Why am I not older than Jei noona?! I let out a small smile before waving my hand a bit. “It’s okay noona … “ I said before turning to the sea again.

I stood up and walked away from the rocks and well away from my supposedly partner and the other one. I sighed again as I passed the laughing noonas and hyungs. “It’s so hard to be the youngest.” I mumbled but then I felt a soft tap behind me. I turned and saw Seungah noona there smiling at me. “Oh noona.” I said before smiling. She took my hand and led me on a space a bit away from them. “Sit.” She ordered, which I followed quickly.

“Noona, why did you left Chulyeong hyung?” I asked, a bit curious as to why she took me away. “That Chulyeong gives me stress more than relaxation.” She sighed which made me laugh a bit. “Ahh noona don’t be like that to Chulyeong hyung, he’s just … childish?” I tried to protect my hyung but I know that what noona said was true than my own words. “Aissh then am I supposed to be his Umma than a partner?” I laughed again. “Aigoo, noona..” I panted as I slowly wipe my tears away before smiling. “Thanks noona .. for making my mood a bit light.” I brushed my own strands of hair away from my spectacles before placing a hand on the sand behind me to balance myself. “Eh? Why what happened?” She asked me. I automatically turned to Jei noona and Minjun hyung. And I thought that I quickly pulled away but I guess not since Seungah noona started to look at me a bit worried.

“Oh is it about your partner?” She started, I gave her a soft nod as an answer. I can hear her sigh again before ruffling my hair. I closed my eyes and tried to pry her hand away, but she pried mines much faster. She eventually pulled her own hands away before smiling. “Don’t be so jealous about them, because jealousy might fog your surroundings and the ones that really love you.” That really left me wordless, I can’t understand what noona said. I was about to ask her but then she ran off towards Chulyeong hyung completely headlocking him.

ȣ

The time to choose finally arrived. We are now sitting in front of a large screen with nervousness, anticipation and wishful thinking lingering in the air. “Okay the first one to show her confession is our Rainbow’s Seungah!” The man behind the camera said. “Ehh? Me? Is it because I’m the oldest??” She asked with her eyes glaring at everyone. “Of course!” The man behind the camera once again sent everyone into laughter and tears. “Aigooo .. fine.” She said before she stood up and walked away towards the crew.

A few moments she came back with the maintenance crew fixing her video camera. I was watching her every moves, still confused with the words she just said earlier. I saw her turned to me but quickly turned away. “Did I do something to her?” I asked myself softly so that no one can hear me.

As the video starts to play, the screen let out a flickering light that caught my attention. I turned to it and seriously focused all my attention to it. I was expecting that he’ll choose Minjun hyung since every girl seems to like him, but to my surprise, It was me who she chose. I turned to noona and blinked. She was laughing with the others but when our eyes met, she quickly smiled and nodded before turning to the other. I feel guilt pierced my heart deeply. I bowed and apologized. Before I turn away I saw her smiling at me. I felt a soft pang in my heart again, it felt like it was pierced by needs that I can’t express.

It’s my turn now. I walked towards the crew and as soon as I arrived there, they started to ask me questions about the ‘date’ that I had earlier. Of course being an idol as myself, I answered them with a smile and a bit sincerity, I can’t burst in front of the camera or else it’ll surely affect my status as an idol and of course our group JJ project and the whole JYP nation. “So what did you picked?” That question pulled me back from my own thoughts. “Well … I … chose Jei noona.”

My video started to play, it was showing Seungah noona right now, I remembered that time where I actually considered Seungah noona as my partner, but then around that time, I saw her having a fun with Chulyeong hyung that really made my mind to set her as a noona … like an older sister, nothing more and nothing less.

The crowds cheered when my video showed Jei noona jumping to get herself captured in the camera’s shot. I was about to look at Jei noona, to look at her reaction but then my eyes automatically set to Seungah noona for some reason. Then before I know it, Jei noona had already came back from the confession thingy and her video was already playing. I snapped out of trance as her video focused on Minjun hyung. I knew it. I whispered as I finally let my confidence go and also my wish. But then the video changed its focus from Minjun hyung and is now pointing at me. For a short period of time, a smile quickly came out from my lips. I turned to Jei noona quickly but her eyes, her beautiful eyes were focused on our direction but she’s looking at someone else not me.

I followed noona’s gaze towards her real focus, and it was Minjun Hyung. I turned to the video again and my guts were right, in the video, Jei noona focused its lens towards Minjun hyung, completely showing his smile and wet hair and face. The crowd gasped and clapped. Of course it’s my fault for getting my hopes up. I softly smiled before nodding softly, still in shock about what just happened.

Then it’s Minjun hyung’s turn. I lost interest to it since I know who he picked and its Jei noona right? But then, the corner of my eye caught Minjun hyung’s uneasiness. I furrowed my brows and watched the whole video and to my shock he picked Hyejeong noona. I blinked still surprised but then I saw Jei noona’s unsatisfied look. I wanted to run to her and comfort her, but then I saw Seungah noona. I bit my lips and look away, for some reason my heart aches much more whenever I look at Seungah noona than Jei noona.

The show ended quickly, i missed what the other’s picked, and my strength faded quickly to ask about it. I stayed in the low wooden seats there while staring at the moon. I was about to close my eyes when I felt a soft tap on my shoulders. I looked over my shoulders and saw the least girl that would accompany me. “Seungah noona…” I whispered. She smiled and sat beside me. “Hey … are you okay?” She asked me, as caring as ever.

I softly nodded before I focused my eyes back to the moon. “Don’t lie .. I saw your face when Jei picked Minjun Oppa.” She started once again, as if she can really see through my lies and heart. “Ah.. that .. I already expected her to choose him.” I smiled weakly. “Don’t worry … I’m always right here to comfort you.” With that, she pulled me into a hug, her hand rubbing my back while just sat there, getting a treatment that I didn’t deserved. Noona … if this jealousy of mine disappeared days ago … I could’ve see the right choice … the choice that I should’ve pick you instead of her.