I watched her as she flashed her beautiful eye smile to the lad that was holding the door for her. Tears threatened to fall as mentally something told me that this was well going to be the last time I would see her smile, the brilliant smile that would instantly make me smile as well, the smile that I had once had the pleasure of saying that it did not belong to anyone. That smile, the one and only smile that made me daring enough to defy all societal norms about how a relationship, a romantic relationship should be. The smile that saved me time and time again when I was deep in despair and almost lost sight of myself. It was her who saved me, and also her who taught me what true love was. The smile that was once my item of mirth was now the very reason of my despair. 

Manyageh, naega gandamyeon.

I watched as she exchanged words with the lad holding the door for her. Waves of envy gushed through my veins nearly cleansing me from any thought of happiness for the soon to be wed couple. I clenched my fist tightly as I watched her laugh gaily and enter the pure white Mercedes Benz that had its door held open. Once he had ensured that his princess was safely snug in the body of his modern day carriage, he briskly made his way to the other side of the body as though if he was to be a second too late, the Benz that was meant to take him and his beloved to the chapel where they will exchange their vows would turn into a menacing dragon and snatch away his beau with the most breath-taking eye smile ever existing on the planet.

I stood stuck at where they last left me; she hugged and kissed my cheeks telling me that she would see me at the wedding venue. It took every single inch of me to restrain myself to not abduct the woman in white. I may not have the ual organs to claim her, but I was sure that I have the physical strength to take her with me. My heart tore as I saw the wide grin she gave her fiancée. My blood only brewed further in envy and jealousy that he was the one who is going to be providing her with happiness for the remainder of her life. He got the privilege I dreamt for day and night. 

Neaga dagagandamyeon.

I could still remember the day vividly when she returned home from a late night date with him. She was dead tired, but her eyes held expectancy. Of what, I'm not sure and took total liberty to brush away. She sat me down on the couch and looked at me. Her eyes were clouded with emotions by the time she reached the first syllables of his name. I stared at her silently waiting for what was about to come. However, nothing came. She just stopped and looked at me. Was that tears in her eyes? Was that hope in her eyes? I was not sure, and at that time, my heart was too weak to question.

neol eoddogeh saenggakhalga?

"Taeyeon ah..." I heard her sigh as she tried once again to get the words out of . I looked at her and silently prompted her to continue. This never happened before, and somehow it was scaring the day lights out of me. Despite my prompt, she remained silent and motionless but her eyes never once left me. It was like as though she was trying to dig something out of me. If I was to give you a mental image of the scenario, I would be an oyster and she the chef who is trying to pry open my snapped shut shell to see if within me was a treasured pearl, or just a crappy pile of sand.

Yongi nael su eobtgo.

"He proposed..." She finally whispered. I stared at her with my eyes wide as saucers, within me I felt my heart break as I continued to look into those pair of eyes that were currently still surveying mine. If the world could crash, it would have already crash 100 times over. My mind began to race as I thought of what I was supposed to reply her. What should I say? Why was she looking at me like this? Thousands of  question raced through my mind as I fought the inner battle within me. I was at a lost. Should I wish her happiness, or should I introduce a threat to our friendship? After what seemed like an eon, I finally broke into a grin.

Manyageh, niga gandamyeon.

"That's great!" I gasped. "Con... Congratulations!" I choked trying to cover up my angst with surprise and shock. I watched as her eyes flickered for a while. I saw as her facial expression dropped and picked it again.

"Jeong...mallo?" She whispered as she shifted towards me.

"Ne. I'm happy for you." I faked a smile as I stood up quickly from the sofa and turned to enter my room. Suddenly, the space that I shared with her had a bitter taste to my mouth. Almost as though it was bile. "I'm... I'm returning to my room."

niga ddeonagandamyeon.

"Taeyeon ah!"

'.' I cursed as I felt her small hands formed a grip on my wrists. "I'm fine." I lied, my veneer hidden from her through my fallen bangs. "I'm just tired that's all." I continued the lie that pained me so bad that it made me wished I was dead.

"Taeyeon ah! Dangsin-eun... haengbog-ibnikka?"

"Ne. I'm happy for you." I whispered through my chapped lips as I twisted my wrist out of her grip and entered the safety and security of my room where I was free from the façade I had put up. Free from pretending to be strong. Free from the world where she is going to leave me for him.

Neol eoddogeh, bonaeyahalji?

As time continued to run, I watched as she got ready for her big day. I watched as she carefully ask me to be her maid of honour, I watched as she gradually became prettier and prettier for the sake of a man and I watched myself fall deeper and deeper into the lies I made for myself all in hope that I could give up the feelings I had for her within the year between the proposal and her wedding. Or at the very least, built an impenetrable barrier that will block out how I truly felt for what was seemed as a joyous occasion. 

However as I buried my head under the sand like an ostrich trying to