True friends won’t grow apart even if they don’t talk for a day.

That’s what you whispered in my ear that day by the swings in the park. That day you comforted me when my eyes were puffy from crying. That day that seems like a dream now. That day so long ago... The day I realized my feelings for you.

What are we now? Are we even friends? Enemies perhaps. Maybe even strangers. We don’t talk as much as we used to; I remember those days when we spoke nearly 24/7. I miss all our random little talks about things I can’t even recall now.

What happened to that?

It used to be easy talking to you, spilling out everything except my feeling of you. Now it’s hard to find the courage to say a simple “hi”. All those bickers that we used to have about the smallest things… vanished. Time changes us. I thought it would change us for the better but I guess I’m wrong again. I see and feel you growing more distant far out of my reach. Is it because you think I’m pushing you away? The truth is, I’m not. I want us to go back to the way it was before. She said to me, “you should accept the truth.” Is this really the truth?

We’ve never forgotten the truth. We’re just becoming skillful liars.

You seem so happy with her. Reality hit me again. We’re in two different worlds and our worlds will never merge again. The only thing I can do now is hope for your happiness.

I strolled through the park, our 'secret' place, and spotted two kids on the swings. They couldn’t have been older than eight. A small smile found its way to my face, the wind blew in a nostalgic way. I imagined them older, maybe in 10 years they’ll be holding hands and showering each other with sweet words and soft kisses. 20 years they’ll settle down after meaningless fights. 30 years, they’ll have their kids running off to school with bright smiles on their faces. 40 years the cycle repeats. How I wish I could go through that with you… The children ran off to the slides and I continued my walk through time.

I stopped at the café where we spent most of our time. That window seat in the corner was always reserved for us until she came along and took the space next to you in your arms. I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly, greeted by the strong aroma of coffee and milk that filled the air. Like a slap from the past across my face, all those memories came flooding back into my head. Memories of us.

I pushed them away and ordered my usual drink, a simple Americano that I would sip on while you told me stories- stories about you and her. I murmured a small thank you and bowed to the barista that often served us. I stepped back outside, letting the cold winter breeze hit my exposed skin. If only… If only I could freeze our time together along with our memories. Instead, the only thing that got frozen was my heart, a small, thumping muscle sealed away in an icy cage.

You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have

A familiar scooter zoomed by, and a voice like bells could be heard. Your voice, a voice that made my heart flutter. A voice that I missed so much. A voice that I never thought I’d hear again. The scooter stopped at the forever long traffic light and as I walked pass, I heard another high pitched voice. A voice I had hoped and prayed that I would never hear together with yours. I quickened my steps, my shoes making light taps on the sidewalk.

“Yah!” a voice that I would recognize anywhere called out. I knew it was meant for me but I ignored the urge to turn and rush to you with that fake smile on my face.

“Yah, wait up,” you called again.

The red light above turned green and you pulled up in front of me, blocking my way. I felt trapped and suffocated despite the large area of space around me.

“I...I have to go…” I muttered, hoping you’d hear me. Thankfully you did.

After a long awkward silence, you spoke, “we need to talk.”

Those four dreadful words tugged at my chest. I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come out. I didn’t trust my voice that was threatening to crack. Taking my silence as acknowledgement, you left her and guided me around the corner to a tight alley way.

“What did you wanna talk about?” I spoke softly, not daring myself to speak any louder.

“Us.”

“What about us?” I asked, meeting your gaze.

“I think you know.”

My eyes widened slightly and I quickly regained my composure. Did you find out about my feelings? No, you shouldn’t have.. Couldn’t have. I pretended to be oblivious and forced yet another fake smile on my face. It’s been a simple task for me to do.

“What are you talking about? Don’t be so serious...”

“You’ve been avoiding me. I notice, you know. You may not think I notice but I do. You’ve been distancing yourself from me and I don’t know why but I hate it.”

I stared at you blankly, not knowing what to say as you continued.

“You left that day and didn’t even tell me you came back. Don’t you think that was cruel of you? I deserved to know”

“Didn’t feel like I needed to,” I shrugged. You were happy with her. Who was I to walk in and take you away and become the third wheel? I didn’t dislike her, she was nice and I had absolutely no reason to dislike her.

You turned back into your old conceited self, “I knew you were back though. I know you too well; you can’t hide anything from me.”

I let a small chuckle pass through my lips. If only you knew… how I’d love to wipe that grin off of your face with a kiss.

You quirked your eyebrow at me and crossed your arms over your chest, “what’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” I sang. “You’re still the same pabo I know.” I watched as the grin disappeared from your face, replaced with a puppy like face with a pout. I patted your cheek and began walking away. It’s getting to be too much for me. You’re too close to melting and unlocking my hidden heart.

I felt a warm hand wrapping itself around my wrist, stopping me in my place. “Don’t think I’ll let you walk away again.” Your puppy like face was replaced with a completely serious expression that I’ve only seen a few times. Then again, what do I know? I barely see or talk to you anymore. Today was one of those rare days.

I gently pulled away from your grasp, another genuine smile found its way to my face. You tend to make that happen a lot.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to her now? It’s not nice to keep a girl waiting, y’know.” I stepped out of the alley and onto the sidewalk.

“It’s fine; a little waiting won’t kill anyone.”

I shook my head; you were always like this, stubborn. “Don’t be so st—“ I was cut off by a screech on the road. Before I had a chance to process what happened, I felt a heavy weight hit me, lifting my body off the ground— ah, is this what it feels like to fly? I heard your voice scream out my name but the impact of my body against the concrete road hurt too much for me to react. Everything was starting to blur. I felt your presence by my side. I willed my eyes to open but they failed to obey me. A hot breath was felt against my lips and slowly, yours pressed against mine. Warm, deep read liquid flowed freely out of my body, painting the ground underneath, and small drops of liquid landed on my face.

Why are you crying…?

Tears welled up in my own eyes and flowed down my face, mixing with yours.

“…S-stubborn…” I managed to mutter before the feeling of your lips left me as well as the heaviness on my body. The words I wanted to say were left unsaid, but I’m sure you understood. You always did, no matter what.

Our worlds separated and I left the world that you existed in once again. Only this time, it’s forever.

Saranghae

Mianhe