Jongin
Modern day Seoul, pre-debut times.
Rating: PG

----------

Jongin is 4 when he grows out of needing a nightlight. He conquers his young fear of the dark before it can turn into a full on phobia. He likes to think he's strong enough to take on the world, so he does. Well, he takes on the pitch black living room and the staircase blanketed by darkness because Jongin in only 5 and like hell his parents would let him out of the house alone.

Jongin is 9 when the dark begins to scare him again. His mom told him to not watch scary movies, but Jongin did anyway.  He regretted the decision and couldn't sleep for almost three days. His mom just said "I told you, didn't I?" when he confessed his fears. He got over it, but his mom wouldn't let him forget it.

Jongin is 13 when he first gets a taste of the light. He wasn't quite satisfied with being on the wood courts or grassy fields like the other boys in his class. Being on stage, however, was a thrill. It was - to be frank - the best feeling ever. So he walks with confidence into the room with a number on his back and his photo taped to an application form.

Jongin is 16 when he recieves a call that he's old enough and should come back. He calmly sets down the reciever and breathes a few times. He closes his eyes and leans against the wall, reliving everything from when he steped outside the audition room and left behind a single impression of himself infront of three pairs of eyes and a camera. Everything was still like a jpeg image except for the red light that flashes twice a second. Jongin knows because the song he chose hits 120 beats a minute and the light seems to hit on every beat like it's keeping time incase he slips up and chokes. But Jongin doesn't choke. Never has and never will. So he just nodded when he was told he was perferct, but just a little too young, and that he'd hear back in a couple years. So when he does, he chooses to go back to the dark.

Jongin is 18 when sees the light again. Well, he sees thin trails of light that manage to break though the darkness he holed himself in. He's not alone, at least, but it's been difficult just being and not getting to see the light he loves so much. He sees others march out to the stage and he begs for the moment he can go back there but for now he's stuck waiting. But the wait is paying off because the light is coming to him and things are falling into place.

Jongin is 19 when he becomes Kai. Jongin continues to be when Kai is no longer needed. Kai is satisfied and Jongin lives through the eyes of Kai and the sounds of people who scream for something and someone who isn't quite Jongin. He is everything Jongin wants to bring to the stage in every aspect but name, yet everyone still knows Jongin because they know Kai. 

Jongin is still 19 when he finally sees the stage for himself. He's not dancing or singing or rapping or doing anything that earned him the spot where he stood. But he suddenly wakes up because Kai is tired and needs a short break from the noise so he let's Jongin stand for him, wide eyes and blank stares slowly taking over the y smirks and little nose crinkles that make everyone scream for more. And Jongin stands there and for a few moments because for the first time it's Jongin on stage.

-----

a/n

derp. kinda inspired by this, kinda me playing around again with the Kai-Jongin thing because I can't seem to not with him and only him.