Monday:

Wake up at 8:00 am.

Bath at 8:30 am.

Breakfast at 9:00 am.

Exercise at 10:00 am.

Lunch at 2:00 pm.

Therapy at 4:00 pm.

Dinner at 8:00 pm.

Sleep at 9:00 pm.

Tuesday:

Wake up at 8:00 am.

Bath at 8:30 am.

Breakfast at 9:00 am.

Group therapy at 10:00 am.

Lunch at 2:00 pm.

Recreational activity at 4:00 pm.

Dinner at 8:00 pm.

Sleep at 9:00 pm.

Wednesday:

Wake up at 8:00 am.

Bath at 8:30 am.

Breakfast at 9:00 am.

Exercise at 10:00 am.

Lunch at 2:00 pm.

Therapy at 4:00 pm.

Dinner at 8:00 pm.

Sleep at 9:00 pm.

Thursday:

Wake up at 8:00 am.

Bath at 8:30 am.

Breakfast at 9:00 am.

Group therapy at 10:00 am.

Lunch at 2:00 pm.

Recreational activity at 4:00 pm.

Dinner at 8:00 pm.

Sleep at 9:00 pm.

Friday:

Wake up at 8:00 am.

Bath at 8:30 am.

Breakfast at 9:00 am.

Exercise at 10:00 am.

Lunch at 2:00 pm.

Therapy at 4:00 pm.

Dinner at 8:00 pm.

Sleep at 9:00 pm.

Saturday and Sunday were free.

All the time that isn’t schedule is free.

Though it’s minimum between weeks.

And that, that has been my life for now three months.

Of course my schedule doesn’t include taking pills, which is something I do every single day after breakfast. Pills are what keep me on track, keep the hallucinations and nightmares away, and help me kind of go on with myself.

The hospital is big and one could say is a great place, it has a big garden, an indoor pool, an arts room, multiple offices that were used for therapy, a dining hall, several bathrooms, a common area, and of course all the patient’s rooms.

The floors are all covered in white tiles, the walls are all cream, colors used so the patients will stay calm. The hospital was three floors tall, outside it was painted in white while all the windows had a blue frame around them and at the front side in the middle it read in big blue letters “Seoul’s Nowon-gu Psychiatric Hospital”.

Every patient had a roommate.

Except those cases that need to be single.

I am one of those few cases.

Being that I’m special.

Or that is what I tell myself.

Reality is way different.

There were female and male nurses as well as female and male doctors. All of them treated every patient nicely, until the patient misbehaved. And all of them were there to remind you that whatever you thought reality was, you were wrong.

But I liked them; I liked every one because they avoided me but yet treated me nicely.

They give me that feeling of rejection I so needed to feel.

 They were rules at the hospital like “don’t fight”, “don’t eat anywhere but the dining hall”, “take your pills”; stuff like that. And for every rule you followed, for every time you were cooperative, for every action you did to help the maintenance of the place, you received a star.

If you got 10 stars you were awarded a phone call.

I was one of the patients that earned the most phone calls.

And I had used every single one of them.

I will always stand right in front of the phone that was attached to the wall, I will dial the so familiar number, I will then pick up the phone and of course the tone waiting for the number would beep in my ear until it went dead and then I hang up.

I have never had the courage to make an actual phone call.

But silly of me forgot to tell you why am I special, or what is wrong with me.

I’m sorry; I tend to ramble a lot.

Must be the pills.

Anyway, first of all my OCD went berserk once I stayed in this place for a week. Having nothing productive to do I can only clean my room to perfection, and I mean it, there’s not a single spot of dirt in my room. My bed is always made, my clothes always in place, no dust, no dirtiness, and no nothing.

Then I would go around and clean whatever I feel like it’s not clean, specially my therapist office.

All my session always start with me sitting down on the chair across from her’s and ends up with me ordering all the books in the book shelf behind her.

My hallucinations and vivid dreams were taken under control, but if I left my pills they would come back as strong as before if not stronger.

One could say I could go out of this place with only a prescription to my pills, but then… then there was my fear.

The fear I developed after that fatidic day I attacked my precious Donghae.

The fear of human touch.