Story One: Sleeping Baekki

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a kingdom. The queen and king there were kind and generous people, always helping the poor and suffering. Thus, there was great peace at the kingdom. But behind those smiles that the king and queen gave, they were sad and heartbroken.

Why, you may ask?

It is because they don’t have a child. Yes, they don’t have little feet in the castle, running about joyfully and making troubles. No, they don’t. And the king was getting older, hence, needing an heir to his throne.

One day, they got lucky, and the queen was pregnant. Joy spread throughout the whole castle and kingdom. Maids got busy, attending the queen. Yes, they were tired, but they couldn’t be more happy to know that their beloved king and queen were about to have a precious baby.

The king pondered on his throne for a while, wondering the unlimited bliss and heaven it would feel to finally become a father. Then an idea struck him, what about a ball and party to celebrate the birth of his child? It would be the most festive ball ever, he thought.

After 9 months or carrying (the damn heavy) baby, the queen gave birth to a wonderful and handsome son. They were both silent for a while, trying to think of a name. That day, the king had bacons and eggs for breakfast, and he burped (excuuuusee me). The burp strangely tasted like bacons, so they decided to name the baby boy Baekhyun, since if you pronounce the name, it kind of slipped off your tongue and sounded like ‘bacon’.

So, as thought, the king held a grand party in his castle. Not only rich people were invited, even the commoners. They were invited in the king’s courtesy of celebrating the birth of his breakfast themed son. And guess what the main course was?

Yes, you are right. Its bacons.

You could never go wrong when you have breakfast for lunch, no?

The king also invited the 12 fairies to come to the party. There was suppose to be 13 fairies, but the number 13 was a baaaaad and unlucky number, so the king didn’t invite her. When the present giving time came, the first fairy came up and gave her wish.

“I wish for the baby to have fair skin,”

“I wish for it to have wonderful and big eyes,”

“I wish for it to have a charming eyesmile,”

“I wish for it to have a voice as sweet as a nightingale,”

And thus the other fairies wished greatness into him.  The king was pleased to hear such wonderful wishes coming from the fairies. But as soon as the last fairy was about to give her wish, the door of the palace slammed open, and revealed a very raged and angry number 13^th fairy.

“How dare you do not invite me?!?” She shrieked in anger. The crow perched on her shoulder cawed back. The king was baffled. “Well, you shall regret not inviting me, then. I wish for this boy to be dead at his sixteenth birthday, where he shall prick his finger on a spinning wheel. And he shall never look good without eyeliner on!” She said as her wand casted out an ugly shade of green on the boy. Then, she lifted up her cape and teleported in a mist of dark smoke, such as like a Death Eater in a Harry Potter movie.

The queen feel to her knees, sobbing things like ‘my boy shall die’ and ‘he wouldn’t look good without eyeliner, so imagine lifelong eyeliner supply would cost,’ The king was heartbroken as he looked sadly on his guests who gasped in horror (oh wait, I forgot to gasp. Forgive me. Gasp!). The last fairy cleared .

“Well, your majesty, I still didn’t give my gift yet,” She said as she walked over to the baby. “I couldn’t take back what the ugly witch has wished, but I could soften it. He shall not die, but shall fall into a deep slumber. And he will have on permanent eyeliner, so he would look good.” The fairy said and shrugged.

Long story short, the king burned all the freaking spinning wheels that existed in the land. Baekhyun grew up to be quiet handsome, has big eyes, fair skin and has a voice as sweet as a nightingale. He even had permanent eyeliner on (thank you, last fairy!). But the king and queen were worried for his safety, thus, sending him to live in the forest with the twelve fairies.

One day, the twelve fairies went on a trip (mind you, they need ingredients for their potions, and some of them has fairy godchilds to attend to), and they left Baekhyun all alone in that small cottage in the clearing of the woods.

Baekhyun, being the self curious boy, he skipped out and pranced joyfully among the trees, carrying a basket full of flowers. He skipped to a flower bush and smiled, thinking what wonderful pranks he could pull off to the fairies with just one single flower. When he picked it, he sang a few songs that the fairy taught him. When he was done picking, he looked up, and almost had a heart attack when he was a prince on a black horse. Wait, black horse? Excuse me…

*sprays on white paint on the horse*

So, he was startled to see a prince on a white horse. The prince smiled in his creeper mode, thus scaring the out of prince Baekhyun as he ran back inside the cottage.

When his sixteenth birthday came, the king invited the prince back to his home. Heck yeah he was excited as hell. When the party started, the prince went up to his room to change. Odd enough, he saw a flight of stairs.

Curious, he (duh) climbed the stairs. It led him into a small room. There, he saw an old lady spinning thread on a spinning wheel.

“Hey grandma. What are you doing?” He asked, not so very politely. The grandma, a.k.a the evil witch, was disgusted by his language, but she carried on anyway.

“Why child, I am spinning thread.” She said nicely. Baekhyun made a face.

“But aren’t there machines for these things now?”

“I prefer the old fashion way, child.”

“Can I try? Ooh oohh!!! Can I try pretty pleeassseee?” Baekhyun begged the old lady, seeing that it looks like a hella fun to spin thread on a giant wheel. The old women smiled (evilly) as she welcomed Baekhyun to spin it. Baekhyun was curious at the sharp thingy at the top, so he touched it.

“Ouch,” He whined as he pricked his finger and blood drawled out. He instantly fell to the ground, sound asleep. The evil witch morphed back into her original shape and laughed (really and rather) manically.

“WAHAHHHHA THE PRINCE IS DEAD! HANG ON, HE GOT EYELINER ON, AND HE DOES LOOK FRIGGIN HANDSOME. I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED HIM INSTEAD OF KILLING HIM. OH WELL, WHATEVER. MY WISH HAS BEEN FULLFILEEEEEDD!” The witch cried to the heavens (more like hell, but whatever). She then disappeared like them Death Eaters.

Yes, the breakfast king and queen were sad to hear the news. The fairies got back and tsked at the sleeping prince for disobeying their orders not to talk to strangers (but we’ll skip the nagging part). They carried him (he’s not that heavy guys… okay, he is. Someone needs to lay off the bacons) to his room and placed him on his bed. Then they casted a spell on the whole castle for it to fall asleep. They also made wild thorns and prickly bushes rise up to the towers and the courtyard and blocked the entrance to keep them stinky thieves out.

The fair prince (that Baekhyun saw at the woods that day. Remember?) heard of the tale from his fellow professor (LOOOL imagine the professor with a white beard and LOOL sounds like Dumbledore) , and if he frees the sleeping maiden, he shall marry her and be happy for his life.

So the prince, a.k.a Park Chanyeol saddled his black horse and rode to the palace.

Wait.

GODDAMIT DIDN’T I PAINT THAT DAMN HORSE WHITE?!?!? ABJSA;KNJ

Whatever. The horse wants to stay black, then go to hell man I won’t paint it again.

So, prince Chanyeol rode his black horse (that was too damn stubborn to be painted white by ME, the narrator of this stupid twisted fairytale) to the thorny castle, countering his first problem…

It was thorny and he didn’t have a freaking shield or a sword.

*sigh*

I guess this is the part where I give him the white sword and the shield that protected him, right? Well, let’s add some twist here a bit.

What if I didn’t give him that sword?

He would probably die and Baekhyun would never get up for a million years and would eventually die because of hunger and thirst (still, the eyeliner would remain permanent LOOOL) and this would just be the end of happily ever afters.

Well, I’m not that cruel.

Duhh

They wouldn’t be called fairytales if the hero and heroine dies and evil rises and… well, that just adds the destruction of the whole Disney fairytale book world and all.

So, I granted him a sword.

Prince Chanyeol was astonished to see the sword and the shield that magically appeared in front of him. He took it and bravely rode in through the thorns.

Actually, walked, because that damn horse was too much of a chicken to go through the thorns. Sissy.

Anyways, he weaved his way through the thorns, successfully getting in the castle. There, he saw the guards, the horses, the butterflies, the flies that was near the horse dung, the maids and the birds were sound asleep, snoring their butts off. Chanyeol dismissed the odd and ugly sight as he climbed up the stairs, eyes wandering to every inch to see the place clearly.

Suddenly, the evil witch appeared in a form of an uuuggglllyyy dragon. Prince Chanyeol was startled to see that much ugliness in his life and almost fainted at the smell of her nasty and rancid breath that hasn’t been washed since the last century of Christmas. The dragon roared (eww man, stinky breath means stinky roar. Ew, I pity Chanyeol) angrily at Chanyeol as her nostrils were steamed with fire (what an ugly sight. Tsk tsk)

Chanyeol bravely stepped up and slashed the sword at her neck, severing the head from the body. The dragon slumped down. Chanyeol grinned to himself, thinking how easy that went.

Oh, so you guys think it is easy?

Heck no.

Before Chanyeol could go through the dragon’s body, it rose back up, surprising the young prince. The dragon stood back up, now with three heads, and that means more fire.

“Aww come on! What is this, Percy Jackson?” He groaned.

Yes, Park Chanyeol, yes it is.

Might as well get Medusa’s head to turn that thing into stone.

Chanyeol  though it is the end of him (most probably, yes). But out of the blue, a giant eagle swooped in through the window and grabbed the dragon by the neck with its claws and just flew right pass the wall, making a really big and noticeable hole on the wall.

Oh great, looks like Lord Of The Rings decided to mix stories. Whatever, I don’t give a anyway. At least Prince Chanyeol was saved. Chanyeol, still dazed by the sudden save hastily climbed up the stairs and up to Baekhyun’s room.

“Oh, so its… a guy?” He asked.

Yes, it is a guy, Park Chanyeol. What? Your professor didn’t tell you before?

“No, he didn’t.” He stated in the matter of factly.

Just kiss the damn boy so I could end this ty fairy tale, Chanyeol.

“Oh, Okay.” He said and shrugged. He bent down and kissed Baekhyun full on the lips. Baekhyun slowly opened his eyes…

And freaked out at the sight of a man with the creeper smile in his room.

Well, long story short, Baekhyun fainted, the whole castle woke up. The king arrested Chanyeol for scaring his son, I cleared his name and they lived happily ever after, eating bacons for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Well, they had cakes for tea but what the heck.

-The End-