I woke up the next day with a loud knocking coming from the door. I groaned and rolled over to my side. Peeking up from my bangs, I saw red numbers staring back at me: 6:53am.

I groaned once more, thanking that I had not forgotten to draw in my curtains last night.

“Woohyun-ah!” I heard a voice coming from outside; and soon enough after a few rustles, the intruder bustled in. He slapped my hand dangling from the edge of my bed and I groaned at him, burying myself deeper into my warm, very warm, bed sheets.

“Myungsoo, go away.”

“No,” his voice was really near and I doubt he’d go away but I ignored him anyway, “Your boss will get mad at you, you know.”

“I don’t care,” I felt his hand tugging on my bed sheets and I swatted it away.

“But you’re going to be late,” he insisted, not letting go of my bed sheets, “and then you’ll lose your job. Who’s going to pay for your rent, then?”

I snorted, “You are.”

“As if,” he scoffed, but stopped tugging.

I felt the edge of my bed sink in. I blindly kicked my feet and hit something, a loud thud coming from my floor.

“Ow!” Myungsoo whined, I grin, sleep long gone.

“Serves you right for waking me up,” I started to sit up, my fingers rubbing my eyes, “on a Saturday, too. I have no work, you idiot.”

And maybe it’s because I had my eyes closed, but I didn’t see the way Myungsoo’s cheeks turned pink for a moment.

“You’re going to pay for this,” I said as I shook my head at Myungsoo. He had this stupid smile on his face and he’s not even good looking (okay, he was). I shook my head once more.

“But I’m only doing this because you obviously need more food in you,” he said through a mouthful of rice.

“Yeah, right.”

“No, but really,” he swallowed and I wondered why he didn’t choke on such a mouthful of food. “You need to eat, Woohyun. Look at how thin you are right now.” He made it a point to pinch my forearm to emphasize his point. I gave him a dirty glare and picked up a pair of chopsticks.

“That’s good, isn’t it,” I picked at my bowl of rice, not really having the appetite to eat. “That’s what my work requires me to have.”

He made a face at me, “so is work the reason why you’ve been looking like you’ve just spent your past ten lives awake?” He reached out to touch my face and then he pushed my eye bags downward, I slapped his hand away. He went back to eating as soon as I did this.

I chewed on my rice thoughtfully. “Not really.”

He looked up at me from his bowl, an eyebrow raised, “Oh, really?” He continued eating, “What is it, then?”

“I wonder.”

As soon as I had opened my door, Myungsoo quickly walked past me and collapsed on my couch dramatically. I kick his thighs and he stuck his tongue out at me. I went to sit on my floor, and we were just like that for a few good minutes; silent, not really talking and just staring at nothing. I closed my eyes with a sigh; I liked it.

“Woohyun?” Myungsoo decided to speak out first. He was still sprawled all over my couch and I was still sitting on the cold hard floor, my head resting on his thigh.

I felt him shift, my head moving along his thigh, “Yea?”

“Do you ever…” he trailed off and I hummed, letting him know that I was still listening. “feel like -” He stopped again, this time abruptly. I cracked an eye open and I saw him looking straight at me. I raised an eyebrow, this time he chuckled.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled out, resting his head under his arms. “Nothing.”

“Okay then,” I was suddenly too tired to think, too tired to care and most definitely too tired to move and sleep in my bed, so instead, I slept on the floor with half of my body resting on the couch, half of my body (mostly my legs) sprawled all over the floor. My head remained on Myungsoo’s thigh.

“Good night, Woohyun.”

Too tired to hear the words.

Fingers trailed down my cheeks.

Too tired to feel.

“I…”

Too tired to love.

***

Sunggyu was waiting for me; he held the broken fence up for me as I tried to crawl through it. I could easily jump over, but Sunggyu told me not to. It would ruin the experience, he said. I laughed as he did, though.

As soon as I got up, I dusted off the dirt from my palms and looked at him in curiosity, “Is this how you usually get to my room?”

His cheeks were dusted with specks of pink, maybe from the heat or from the work, but it was definitely pink. “Yes.”

I linked our fingers together and I decided that cold with Sunggyu was better than warm without Sunggyu. “Wow, why don’t you just stay in my room, then.”

He looked at me with emotions in his eyes I didn’t quite get and he looked in front before I got to know them. “You know I can’t.”

“Of course,” I mumbled, the cold almost-winter breeze caressed my cheeks. It smelled something like snow and leaves. “Are you taking me to where you live?”

“Where I lived,” he corrected me and I tried hard not to flinch at the casualness of his tone.

“You know what, Sunggyu,” I caressed his palm with the pad of my thumb and it made everything so much warmer. “I honestly don’t care if you’re dead or alive, or a hundred year old or a ten year old, don’t ever leave me, okay?”

He stopped walking. I looked up and saw a beautiful brick house. Sunggyu tugged at my hand, the coldness spreading from the center of my palm to my fingertips.

“Okay.” He breathed out, cold condensed air coming from his tiny mouth and I smiled.

***

“Yes, I’ll be there in twenty.” My manager’s voice sounded so robotic over the phone. I fumbled with a loose thread from my shirt before wrapping it around my finger and tugging it off.

Monday, I sighed as I headed for the door of my apartment, the keys jingled in my pocket.

During weekdays like this that I get work, Myungsoo usually takes care of me but today he called and told me that he couldn’t make it, somehow.

I appreciated Myungsoo, a lot. Ever since I had come here five years ago, he had been my only friend who was patient enough to stick with and teach me things I didn’t know. He had always been my side (like someone I know, knew). I guess not having him made me realize how things are much more difficult than they already are.

As soon as I reached the studio, people were all over me. Pulling at my shirt, tugging on my belt, and poking pencils in my eye. They were in a hurry, they always were. I didn’t open my mouth and stayed put while they did their job. My manager decided to come in and enumerate the schedules I were to have this week, it was rather hectic but I stayed still, of course.

I can’t complain.

This was what I’ve chosen, and ultimately, this was what I’ve become.

***

“Woohyun,” Sunggyu reached across for my hand, and I met him halfway. Our legs dangled from the edge of the cliff, he had led me here. A few months ago before he found me, he said, lonely and sad, he spent most of his times here.

It warmed my heart, somehow, that he had shared a special part of him with me. He had shared a piece of his suffering with me, and I saw raw beauty in his sadness. “Yes?”

“I didn’t want to die,” He confessed, eyes far away, staring at the waves eating the shores and rocks and seashells down, down below us. “I want to know how it feels like to grow out of my old t-shirts, how it feels like to finally be able to reach the counter tops without having to step on a chair, how it feels like to sleep through the afternoon and wake up midnight, how it feels like to be pressured because of school.”

“How it feels like to love?” I offered, my fingertips pressing into the gaps of his.

He shook his head, “I think I already know that by now.”

I looked at his face, and he is so beautiful and I thought so as the waves crashed and seagulls squawked in agreement. “With me?”

“With you,” he confirmed, his grasp on my hand getting tighter, “With only you, and I find that you’re enough.”

“I’m enough,” I smiled, contended at the warm, hot and toxic feeling taking over my stomach. “And with only me, forever?”

“No, not forever,” his lips pursed, he looked at me for the first time and his eyes told me he’s serious, “but for as long as I am with you, and you are with me.”

“For as long as you are Sunggyu,” I started.

“And for as long as you are Woohyun,” he ended.

***

That night, I woke up gasping for air and screaming for Sunggyu.

I pushed my covers off of my body and I found that I was sweating hard, even staining my bed sheets with the prints and shapes of my skins and bones. I buried my head deep in my palms and tried to remember Sunggyu’s face, but I couldn’t.

My phone rang as I was just about to stand up, and I saw that it was Myungsoo, so I answered.

“Myungsoo?”

“Woohyun,” he had been drinking. I knew because his words were slurred. “Woohyun, ah.”

“Where are you?” I frowned, grabbing a fresh new t-shirt from my cabinet and I tried to ignore that it was white, and I grabbed a jacket, too. Dropping my keys into my pocket, I made my way to the door, “Myungsoo?”

“Ah, don’t,” and I guessed he heard the keys, and also the door opening and closing because he sounded a little clearer but a lot more forceful. “Don’t do this to me, Woohyun.”

“Do what to you, Myung-ah?” I stood in front of my door, waiting for him to speak up, but all I heard were crackles and static noises. “I’m not sure if I know what I’m doing right now, Myung-ah.”

He finally chuckled, laughing so carefree I wished I had been him for a moment, and then I remembered his situation.

“Don’t,” he answered. Finally falling silent, he told me once more, “don’t.”

And I didn’t.

I still had somehow ended up driving, though.

My radio was open, but my heater was not. It was weird, because the cold eventually numbed my fingers; I still drove perfectly fine, though. I smiled at the thought of Sunggyu guiding me back to him, and to him I ended up at.

I stared up at the old abandoned building. It looked like no one had been keeping it clean, and that was probably the true case but I would know better.

I got out of my car, leaving the keys inside and the doors unlocked because, I didn’t know quite well, too, but I did and I started walking to the house, to the place I had once called home.

My fingers shook as they tried to grasp the doorknob, and I thought that I would probably have a hard time opening it but it took no more than a light shove to open, moonlight peeking in from the crack of the opened door.

“Woohyun?”

A voice came from above the stairs, from where my room had been.

“Woohyun, are you home?”

Woohyun, are you home?, I had to smile at that. My eyes filtered the room, and picture frames were still there, the rocking chair which mother had used after her legs gave up, and the pack of cigarette I had left, still on the coffee table.

“Woohyun,” I finally heard footsteps, light as they were probably, they thundered in my ears. I looked up, his face, I needed to see his face. “Woohyun, you kept your promise.”

And there he was, in his never fading white t-shirt and his bangs swept aside. Skin still glowing pale, and his eyes still twinkled like the stars.

“Of course,” I said, finding my voice, “Of course I did, Sunggyu.”

***

“Woohyun,” Sunggyu called for my name, he had been running, probably, I didn’t really know but I imagined he was. “Woohyun, where are you going?”

“Mother,” I said, “My mother, Sunggyu, she needs my help.”

Father had died that year before I had even turned eighteen, he died on the day fireworks exploded in the skies and people cheered with wine glasses in their hands. My mother said it was because of , that he died while working and all of the sudden he had fallen on the ground and his heartbeat no longer running. I had not cried, but my mother did.

Soon after that, everything broke down fast. Mother had caught depression, something that was caused by too much grieving and this had disabled her ability to walk. I didn’t really understand the doctor since I was too young, but I did understand that I had to do something for her. And so I made a decision and Sunggyu came.

“Woohyun,” his voice sounded so much like a plead as I continued to pack my things, also my mother’s, “Woohyun, you promised.”

“I did,” I started looking around for things I might’ve missed, and when I saw nothing I proceeded to walk out of my room. “But I don’t think I can hold onto it any longer.”

“But you are Woohyun,” he started. I have never seen him cry before, and I knew that I never wanted to, either.

“And you are Sunggyu,” I softened as I barely whispered back. He smiled at me, lovingly and it almost hurt like real physical pain, but I had been surprised that it turned out to hurt more. “Let’s make another promise, Sunggyu.”

“Another one?”

“Yes,” I reached out for his hand, my pinky raised and he didn’t even hesitate to wrap his around mine. “I promise that I shall come back for you, someday.”

“Someday sounds too indefinite, Woohyun,” Sunggyu breathed, but his pinky was still tightly wrapped around mine. “But I think I can do that. I promise that I would wait for you.”

“Until someday?” I asked, selfishly, even so.

“Not until someday,” he frowned and shook his head, “until the indefinite becomes infinite.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” I pursed my lips, not wanting to let go but I knew I had to, any minute now.

“This promise doesn’t really, either.” He finally smiled at me, his eyes twinkling under his bangs, “but I’m willing to wait.”

“Okay,” it was the last thing I had said to him since someday ago.

***

“How is mother?” He finally said, our legs are dangling again from the edge. The sky was already dark, very dark but also beautiful because stars had littered its face like freckles.

“She died three years ago,” our fingers weren’t linked together and I had the urge to just grab his and fit in mine, but I held back. “She died because she needed to be with father, and she wanted it, too.”

“Oh,” he said, his pretty lips forming an ‘O’. “How are you, then?”

I stared at the sky for a while, while Sunggyu looked out to the sea; the grass started tickling my back. I thought of the answer for a while, and I guessed Sunggyu had been too occupied watching the sea to notice that we had been silent for almost half an hour saying nothing and doing nothing.

“Sunggyu,” I called onto him softly, and wished that he wouldn’t hear me but I knew that he would anyway.

“Hm?”

“I missed you.”

“Me too,” his smile could be heard through his voice. “I missed you, too.”

I had closed my eyes by then, arms comfortably lying on the grass, playing with the leaf blades. “I don’t think you could love me still, though.”

“Why is that?” He doesn’t sound surprised.

“I’m not Woohyun anymore.” I confessed, my voice cracking at the end but I didn’t cry because the cold winds shushed and comforted me in her arms.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t love you anymore, though,” He turned to look at me, eyes like galaxies. “It takes two to break a promise. I still keep my half, we can try to fix your half.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” I said, but my lips curled upward unconsciously.

I felt his fingers slip in between mine.

“Yeah, it doesn’t,” he lay beside me.

I hummed.

“But we could make it work.”

“No question mark?” I joked.

He laughed and god, how I missed his laugh.

“No question mark,” he said, “because I know we can.”

And maybe I needed this, too.

“Of course, Sunggyu,” I agreed.

“For as long as I am Sunggyu,” he whispered, staring too directly into my eyes but it didn’t bother me at all.

“And for as long as I am Woohyun.” I held out my pinky for him to wrap his own around mine.

“I promise,” he laughed as the waves drowned our voices out. “to be Woohyun’s one and only ghost boy.”

I closed my eyes and didn’t even have to try for Sunggyu to be under my lids, too. “I promise, to be Sunggyu’s one and only Woohyun.”

“Okay,” he said with finality.

“Okay,” I nodded and looked towards the stars as they wrote our promises down in the sky.

For as long as I am Sunggyu, and for as long as you are Woohyun.

For as long as I am Woohyun, and for as long as you are Sunggyu.