CHAPTER 1

Kim Kibum slowly, without much enthusiasm pushes the button on the black controller and the channel changed from muziks to the news. He’s not really paying attention to the tv or his surroundings. He is thinking.  Thinking about how will he use this short period of time that is left untill he’ll disappear from this world and appear in another. At least that’s what he wanted to believe.. That he won’t vanish completely..

‘’Hey’’ Deep voice surprised him with his owner sitting next to the blonde.

‘’Hey Minho’’ He tried to smile but failed.

‘’What are you doing ?’’ Rapper looked at him slightly worried. ’’You’ve been sitting here for awhile, you know ? Are you okay ?’’ Kibum just shrugged.

‘’Don’t worry, I’m fine.’’ There was a long silence. Kibum couldn’t stand it, in less than a three months he won’t see his friends anymore. His parents... his whole family. He felt as his sight became blurry and one unnoticed tear caressed his cheek . The boy got up from the couch. ‘’I-I need t-to go.’’ He went straight to the bathroom.

As soon as the door closed behind him tears started to fall down. He didn’t want to cry. It makes him weak. More weak than he already is, but it’s not like his brain would listen so here he is sitting by the bath with his head between his legs hiding in his long milky arms. Tears making their way through pale cheeks. He didn’t have any specific feelings. Maybe a bit of sadness and disappointment but with that he just felt empty. The boy didn’t even noticed as someone entered the bathroom.

‘’Kibum..?’’ He looked up.

‘’What hyung.’’   He was angry because of his tiny voice. Lee Jinki just took him up by his hands.

‘’Minho told me that you’re not ok.’’ Brunette’s eyes were filled with worry. ‘’Kibum.. please talk to me.’’

‘’I-I’m sorry. I just.. had this moment.. I-I’m fine now.’’ He looked away and found a big mirror. Kibum was shocked by what he saw. His eyes were red and puffy, hair in a big mess and his body shaking. ‘’Could you..’’ The blonde pointed at his friend and the door. ‘’I was going to have a shower.’’ Onew kept looking at him unsure.

‘’Are you sure you’re ok ? Last week you were acting weird..’’ Kibum took one deep breath.

‘’Look, I’m fine now I j-just need to.. relax. I’m sorry for making you worried hyung.’’

Onew sighed. ’’It’s not just me, you know ? Everyone see there’s something wrong with you.’’ Kibum looked down in shame. How could he be that selfish. He shouldn’t make other people worry about him. They shouldn’t think about him, they already have their own problems. When older boy left the room, blonde slowly took off his clothing and went into the bath tub.

He was touching his skin with soap carefully as he was afraid that he could hurt himself. Tears appearing again and again with quite sobs echoing in silence.  

__________________________________________________________________________________

Kim Kibum is afraid. What if he will fall asleep and never wake up ? What if his friends will try to wake him up in the morning until they’ll realize that he’s not breathing ? That’s why Kibum is afraid. Blonde is looking at the ceiling calmly. It took him a lot to be in that state. He probably cried out the river earlier in the bathroom.

But still. Still from time to time single tears were escaping his eyes. He was sharing room with Minho but rapper had long schedule tonight so Kibum didn’t really care. He thought about his friends. They expect him to give his best so how can he cry like an idiot because something may happen in three months. Sure, it wasn’t long time, but enough to experience a lot new things.

He won’t cry anymore. He won’t be weak.

‘’Kibum...?’’ He looked at the door surprised. He checked the timing.

‘’Jonghyung ? It’s already after midnight, did something happen?’’ Blonde quickly shoved the tears away. Brunette locked the door and came closer to the boy sitting next to him on the bed.

‘’I.. Kibum.. What’s wrong ?’’ Kibum sighed.

‘’Why would something be wrong hyung ? I’m really fine. I already told Jinki I ju-.’’            

‘’Stop it.’’ Younger looked at the other surprised. ’’How long do I know you Kibum ? Stop telling me those bulls.’’ He moved closer to him.

‘’W-what..?’’

‘’Do you really think I am that stupid to just let go ? You’ll tell me what’s wrong or..’’

‘’Or what ?’’ Kibum was sad. ‘’I can’t cry once, because you won’t leave me alone. I do have feelings too you know ? I won’t be always that bright, happy Kibum. So just let me..’’ He took a deep breath.’’ I just want to..’’ He didn’t know what to say. Jonghyung just stared at him.

‘’I’m just Worried Kibum-ah’’ He took his hand and it slightly.’’ We all are’’ Kibum tightened the grip on his hand

‘’You don’t need to worry’’ It came out as a whisper. ‘’ I’ll be alright, I mean.. I’m the almighty, right ?’’ He smiled.

Suddenly Jonghyun looked him straight in the eyes and started coming closer to Kibum.

‘’What are you..’’ Kibum kept away from the elder until he bumped into the wall. ’’Jonghyung..’’ The he felt it. Something slowly touched his lips. Jonghyun’s lips.

What..?

Kibum pushed the other away.

‘’Jonghyun.. what the ..?’’ He looked at him with eyes wide open.

‘’I-I’m.. sorry.. I-I.. d-don’t.. I... I’m sorry..’’ And soon Kibum was alone in the room. Confused he stared at the closing door.

Why did that even happen ?

Why did that feel so good ?

He laid down and after closing his eyes he soon fall asleep.