Ken doesn't know if he's looking forward to their Christmas photo-shoot today. To start, he didn't get much sleep, and Leo is in a worse mood than usual. He might as well walk under a ladder and step on every crack in the sidewalk, because, speaking from experience, there isn't much more he could do to make his day more ominous.

The prep for the shoot is normal. Hair, makeup, a rundown from the photographer and a peptalk from N. The three maknaes goof around, ignoring scoldings from the cordi-noonas not to mess up their hair, until Leo snaps at one of the female staff members. It's silent for a few seconds until she holds her face in her hands and runs off, crying.

Their leader's face hardens as he stalks over to Leo, hissing at him to get up, and the two walk to a more secluded part of the set. That doesn't surprise Ken. N is lenient when it comes to a lot of things but when he doesn't like something you do, you know it.

The two oldest walk back to the makeup chairs, Leo's face softer and N wearing his signature smile. He calls the maknaes over, karate chopping their necks and asking why they are suddenly so quiet. It's N's way of saying not to worry and not to bother Leo, confirmed by the glance he slides to Ken and the subtle shake of his head when Ken moves to talk to the older vocalist.

Throughout the day Ken watches Leo, looking for an opportunity to approach him and ask him if he's okay. And throughout the day, Ken's attempts prove futile. There's always somewhere he should be instead or someone sitting between them in all the silly poses they have to do.

At one point Ken thinks Leo might talk to him, reassure him that he's fine and not to worry, when Leo appears behind him during his joking in front of the camera with Ravi and Seo InGuk-Sunbae. He soon realizes he's wrong as Leo skirts past him, making his way to the coffee machine on the other side of the camera.

Ken tries to be his usual cheerful self, taking selcas with Hongbin and making funny faces for the camera. He tries, but his eyes and his heart are too heavy and he can feel the mask slip as he watches N beat up on Hyuk or Ravi impersonate a security guard.

They have one more group shot left. N, Leo and Ken. By now, Ken has given up trying to talk to Leo and when the other two sandwich together and are given a bowl of apples, he silently takes the radio from the props guy, wondering how much longer he has to fake a smile.

Ken likes Leo. More than the normal brotherly affection. He's known for a month or so now, when it was his turn to shower first and he gave it to Leo without complaint. Leo was drilled in variety techniques, over and over, while the others had time in the sound rooms. Ken tried to tell Hongbin and Hyuk that when they bugged him about it. They didn't believe him, and after being bombarded with questions he couldn't answer he was left awake for most of the night, thinking about his stoic Hyung and what he really meant to Ken.

But, Ken isn't a good liar, and that's probably why the Maknaes didn't believe his reasoning for giving Leo the shower, even if Ken himself didn't know he was lying at the time. Ken can't lie, but Ken can hide how he feels pretty well, he thinks. No matter how tired he is or angry or sad, he can still throw on his blinding smile, fooling the members and the fans, even if it doesn't quite reach his eyes. So, he's sure no one knows how he feels about Leo.

N's smile is blinding as he looks at Leo, then the camera, then back to Leo once more. Leo's face doesn't change but he seems more relaxed as takes an apple by the stem and holds it over N's head. Ken can't watch. It hurts, so he looks down at the radio and plays with the antenna, trying to block out the two next to him.

Ken gets that Leo and N are best friends, 'lifelongs' as N likes to call them. He knows best-friends know each other pretty well, but Ken doesn't like it. Because there are things that Leo knows about N, and things that N knows about Leo, that Ken just doesn't know. Things that Ken will never know, because Ken is not a 'lifelong', he never will be.

Ken hopes that there will be a time when he Leo can talk to him like he does N. A day that Ken doesn't have to suffer through long second-halfs to draining photo-shoots in stuffy suits, watching Leo and N speak volumes without words. A day that Ken can tell the Maknaes not to wake up Leo in the car-ride back to the practice room. A day where Leo won't look at Ken with a disdain reserved only for him.

But until that day comes, Ken will sit on the sidelines and play with his radio. He'll suffer through photo-shoots in stuffy suits. He'll joke with the Maknaes, and he'll smile bright smiles that don't reach his eyes. Wishing he could be more like N and less like himself, and knowing that day will never come.

A/N: Was it okay? I feel like it got kind of choppy 2/3 through but idk. Please comment! <3