Joonmyeon and Yifan love each other—kind of not really. If what counts as love is Yifan keeping Joonmyeon close to his side as the days count down to the Christmas show. If what counts as love is eggnog at midnight with Yifan's lithe fingers tracing the milky mustache left on Joonmyeon's lips.

            Yifan loves Joonmyeon when the man hands him a cup of coffee in the morning and a cup of eggnog at night. Yifan loves Joonmyeon when the man takes Yifan's measurements for the white suit, and Yifan loves when Joonmyeon looks at him in the white suit with a serious expression, no twinkle visible in his eye. Yifan is sure Joonmyeon loves him as well. Almost sure.

            "What about Xiumin's outfit? We need to—"

            "I've already finished the plans with Yunho," Joonmyeon replies, barely glancing up from the notebook on his desk.

            "Luhan then," Yifan tries, but Joonmyeon simply shakes his head.

            "Yunho and I pulled an all-nighter last night and got a lot of things done. You don't have to stress out about anything, Yifan."

            Yifan doesn't say anything then, but he can't resist the urge to peek over at the notebook Joonmyeon is so studiously observing. Of course, the man could always just ask, but that just wasn't his style. Instead, he stands up, yawns, and then drops his chin onto Joonmyeon's shoulder. Joonmyeon immediately hides the notebook from Yifan's view, closing it and slipping it into his desk drawer.

            "What is it?" he asks, amused even as Yifan presses a kiss to his forehead and nuzzles against his neck.

            "Nothing," Yifan murmurs, but his fingers itch to snatch the notebook Joonmyeon has been so focused on. "I just think that we both need to relax. Everyone's coming in this afternoon for the first dress rehearsal, right?"

            "You want to relax?"

            Joonmyeon turns around to twine his arms around Yifan's neck and press their cheeks together. He fumbles around in his desk for a moment before taking out an old polaroid camera.

            "You still have that?" exclaims Yifan, surprised that Joonmyeon has something as old as the polaroid camera. He could still remember the day he had thrown it at Joonmyeon after becoming so angry for having to compete for the leadership position in EXO. Yet, Joonmyeon had caught it smoothly in one hand and captured a picture of the enraged—though still cool-faced—Yifan.

            "Of course, I still have it," remarks Joonmyeon. "I still have pictures of our first modeling job as well."

            "Why do you have it out now?" Yifan asks curiously.

            "Why do you think?"

            Yifan doesn't respond, but he doesn't pull away when Joonmyeon pulls him even closer and puts the polaroid camera in front of them.

            "What's this for?" Yifan asks after the picture is snapped and done, and Joonmyeon places it carefully in his work agenda.

            "Nothing."

            Yifan wants to speak, but Jongin strolls into the room, looking around and obviously extremely unhappy that Kyungsoo has not yet arrived. Joonmyeon quickly rises up from his seat and goes to Jongin, and Yifan follows. This dress rehearsal should be perfect. He wants no snags to ruin what Joonmyeon and he have been so meticulously planning for the past three weeks.

            It's no longer one week until the Christmas show; it's one hour. Yifan's hands tremble slightly as he tightens the slick white tie around his neck. Dress rehearsals have gone mostly without a hitch, but this is the first time he's felt this nervous before. Joonmyeon is nowhere in sight, but Yifan doesn't doubt the male is occupied elsewhere, probably planning something with Yunho.

           Yifan doesn't want to admit it, but he misses the red-haired, twinkling-eyed man. He misses him more than he ever thought he would before, but coming to the office each morning without Joonmyeon there only serves to make him more grumpy. Even worse, Joonmyeon seems to be spending all of his time with Yunho of all people. Of course, Yifan respects the older model, but that doesn't give him the right to drag Yifan's partner and co-leader away from his duties. Not that Yifan could exactly complain. Joonmyeon had been meticulous lately as if he wanted Yifan to leave him alone. Yifan really didn't know what to think.

           He grabs Yixing's arm when the graceful model walks by, probably looking for an empty supply closet and Luhan to pass the hour before the show.

           "Have you seen Joonmyeon?"

           "Joonmyeon?" Yixing raises his eyebrow and shrugs. "Sorry, I haven't seen Suho."

           "Joonmyeon," Yifan automatically corrects, and he glares as Yixing hides a snort of laughter. "What?"

           "Nothing," Yixing all but sings, sauntering away as he does. He's caught a glance of Luhan around the corner. Nothing can keep those two away from each other for long. "It's just funny that your name has died down."

           "Name ?" mutters Yifan questioningly, but almost immediately his mind darts back to his conversation with Luhan a few weeks before. He almost curses when one of the makeup artists grabs his arm to get his attention, but he quickly composes himself.

           As the makeup artist dabs BB cream on his cheeks, he can't help but look around for Joonmyeon, but he doesn't see the other man anywhere.

           "Hold still," the woman in front of him growls angrily, but he ignores her and continues to crane his head around.

           "If you don't stop moving, I'll release your bare faced selca to the press!"

           That gets Yifan to stop, at least until the makeup artist is done, but then he's up on his feet and wandering around until he sees Minseok. The older boy should know where to find Joonmyeon. Somehow Minseok always knows what's going on and where people are.

            "Xiumin," Yifan says, grabbing the elder's arm even as the boy tries to turn around and make a beeline away from him. Well, that's a bit strange and unexpected. "Xiumin, have you seen Joonmyeon?"

            "No, no I haven't seen him," Minseok says hurriedly, and the way he's craning his head makes Yifan suspicious.

            "Are you sure?" Yifan presses, but Minseok quickly shakes his head and zips his lips. Yifan realizes that he won't get anything out of the man and lets him go. Time is running out. The makeup artist had up more of his time than he'd like to admit, and soon he would be on stage. He can already hear the excited murmur that precedes the beginning of a show. Will he be introducing it? No, that is Joonmyeon's job. He remembers how the man was insistent to do it.

            "Yifan! Stage now!" Yixing calls, rushing out from behind the corner and hurriedly trying to loop his tie around his neck. "The stage coordinators are freaking out because they don't know where you are. There's only five minutes left."

            "Yes, I know," replies Yifan, and he knows that he's wasted all the times he can. The stage coordinators are furious with him when he arrives, cutting it close by just a minute, but they can't say anything to him. Instead, they brush imaginary lint and dust off his clothes and then shove him out into the spotlight. It's blinding, and it's been a while since he's assumed his cool, imperturbable persona, but it comes easily to him.

            The flashing lights sting his eyes, but he keeps his persona as he walks to the front of the sage where Joonmyeon is standing, having just introduced the show. He doesn't know why Joonmyeon is standing there; this wasn't in any of the rehearsals.

            "Kris, step forward," Joonmyeon says, smiling, but the smile is all wrong. It holds none of the usual mischievousness Yifan expects but only a strange gentleness. He steps forward. Joonmyeon grabs his hand.

            "Today, I'll be retiring from EXO and modeling."

            Yifan can't breathe.

            "I'd like to thank EXO for being by my side this time, but I've come to realize that my heart truly lies somewhere else." At this, Joonmyeon smiles at Yifan. "I'd like to formally relinquish my position as leader of EXO and present the new leader, Kris."

            The clapping of the crowd drowns out the catcalls of congratulations from the line of EXO models at the back, but Yifan still feels as if someone has dumped cold water on him. He wants leadership, oh yes, but he doesn't want this.

            "Kris has been an angel to me throughout my entire career, and he is the one I'd like to thank the most—for motivating me when I was down, for helping me get back up, and for most of all alwys supporting me. However, I've known from the beginning that the position of leader is much more suitable for him than me. Thank you."

            Joonmyeon bows, Yifan stares, and the rest of EXO moves forward. They all bow, and Yifan can't help but wonder if this will be their last time together. Joonmyeon had been their crutch, their support, and one of their leaders. He can't believe Joonmyeon is leaving. He can't believe Joonmyeon will be gone.

            When he walks out on with the white angel wings and sees Joonmyeon waiting for him, wearing a white suit and angel wings as well, he can't help but feel his throat close up even as Joonmyeon takes his hand, smiles, and leads him in bowing to the audience before him.

            "You look like an angel," Joonmyeon murmurs, "but I can't read your face."

            Yifan doesn't respond, and he swears that Joonmyeon sighs and mutters, "I knew it would be like this."

            Maybe, just maybe, Joonmyeon isn't the angel Yifan supposed him to be. Maybe, just maybe, Joonmyeon doesn't deserve the white wings on his back because Yifan feels like his own have been ripped out and trampled upon.