The first step is always the hardest because it takes a lot of time, patience and courage to start a journey and finish it.

“The doctors said that the cancer has spread so rapidly that it’s impossible to remove now, we can only slow it down, which will buy her more time” the facts were more confronting when she had to lay them out in front like that.


“How much time does she have left?” Minhyuk is afraid to ask although he can already probably assume the answer.

 “Three months, four at most”

“Do you remember a few years back, we read that autobiography of that man, the man whose cancer regressed after a visit to Gwangju.” he fixes his gaze with her

“They said he witnessed a miracle”

“Define miracle”

“A white light engulfed me and I felt the angel kiss my eyelids. Although I lost my sight temporarily I could feel her warmth running through my veins”

“You said you picked this up from the non-fiction section. Right?”

“You’re expecting me to believe that we’re going to find an answer in the other side of the country?”

“What else do you have to lose?”

It was a question that haunted Joohee for a while, one that had been on her mind ever since Yooyoung’s diagnosis. The little girl had become part of her entity that it was almost impossible to imagine a life without her. She hated playing with the gods, but there was a part of Joohee that was just simply grateful for the next few months she’d have with Yooyoung. She had everything to lose and this thought frightened her.

“Why don’t we ask her?”

“Why would you give that power to a six year old?”

“I think you’ve forgotten that the person we’re doing this for is her”

“Of course she’d say yes”

“Then what’s our problem?”

Joohee stared at him, wide-eyed, jaw unhinged in disbelief. He stares back at her, eyes focused and Joohee searches for a sign that he’s bluffing. Something that will tell her he’s just doing this to clear his conscience. Except for some reason all she could find was a glimmer of sincerity in his eyes that told her otherwise. Still she had been wrong before “The hospital”. Heaving a sigh that spoke volumes, she looked over to Minhyuk, hoping that he hadn’t caught on. Depending on how she put it, it would make the hospital either the last or second last obstacle they needed to get through. The first being her. “Our insurance doesn’t cover her if she’s travelling away from home”

“She has three months to live Joohee”

“I’m sorry I don’t have the money to cover for her if something were to happen” and it was the truth. She had refused to ask her parents for financial support ever since they abandoned her 6 years ago. She had refused to ask Ara or anyone else for support because they had already done their share. She was however living on the money her grandmother left behind. Although she had promised to never use it, desperate times called for desperate measures.

Months become days, become hours, become seconds and Yooyoung’s time was reaching it’s end, she wouldn’t risk being elsewhere.

“Do you think she’d rather the best few weeks of her life over a miserably three months, counting down the minutes till she dies?”

“She can’t fly though, the planes won’t have her, she’s a flight risk”

“Then we drive there”

“Are you insane?”

“Possibly”

Yooyoung’s in hospital again. The treatment has lost its effect and she’s been confined to her room for so she can be monitored 24 hours a day. It’s a death sentence and Joohee knows it. It’s days like this where she never wants to leave the little girls side. So when she doesn’t Ara usually brings in a fresh change of clothes, food and some things to keep them entertained. Except that would mean waiting until 5PM when Ara was finished with her shift and making the poor girl drive the half hour drive up here when she was already exhausted.

“I’ll watch over her” she turns her head towards the door, blinking away the sleepiness in her eyes.

It’s still odd for Joohee to see him standing there in the flesh, let alone dressed in the hospital blue, eyes fixed squarely on her and swinging backwards and forth on his feet. “You need to go home, shower, and maybe take a proper nap”

She stifles a yawn and shakes her head “I’m fine”

“Please Joohee” he begs of her “If anything happens, I’ll call…”

They exchange glances for a second before she reluctantly gets up from the bed. Yooyoung stirs as the weight in the bed shifts. He stands beside her watching from a distance “Promise me you’ll call if there’s a change”

He nods and helps her gather her things. When she leaves he can feel the silence creeping into the room. The only sound that resonated was one of the oxygen machine and Yooyoung’s soft breathing. Minhyuk reaches for a chair and pulls himself closer to the bed. Leaning forward towards her rosy cheeks, he caresses them gently with his hand. This causes her to stir and slowly awaken and their eyes meet.

She doesn’t cry, instead she just stares at him silently, until fatigue gets the best of her “Ahjusshi”

“Yes?” he clears his throat softly

“Can you get me a glass of water?”

He finds himself immediately jumping up to fulfil her request. Still he’s a bit inexperienced and even the smallest task is a bit difficult for him around Yooyoung. His hands were trembling as he poured the water for the little girl, and he almost trips over the wires on the floor. Still he manages to hand it to her without spilling a drop and she drinks it slowly through her straw.

“Your mum – she – went home” he explains

“Thank you” she pushes the cup towards him to put aside for her

“How are you feeling?” he sits down and props his chin on his hand, elbows sinking into the mattress

“It hurts”

Kids don’t know how to lie, and it pained him to know that Yooyoung was telling the truth. “Did you want me to get you anything? Food? Toys?”

“Ahjusshi are you my mum’s friend?” she asks innocently

“Of course! I’ve known your mum since she was a bit older than you” he smiles

“Then how come I’ve never seen you till now”

“Because I had to go away for a bit”

“Where to?”

“America”

“Where’s that?”

“Oh the other side of the world”

“Did you miss her?”

“Who?”

“My mum”

“Everyday”

It frightened her how quickly Minhyuk took to Yooyoung and she to him. It was almost as if she didn’t exist when she re-entered the room feeling a tad more energetic than she did an hour ago. “GO FISH!” she yells and Minhyuk frowns, crossing his arms over his chest and pouts at the little girl.

“I can’t believe you won again” he gives her an exaggerated sigh

“Ahjusshi, you’re really bad” Yooyoung teases

“Should we go for another round?”

“No, I’m tired…” she sinks into the hospital bed, her mood seemingly more affected than usual

“If you win I’ll buy you a bigger totoro doll!”

There’s life in Yooyoung’s eyes and the little girl gathers her energy for another game. She is amazed at how she hadn’t seen that look in her eyes for the longest time. The side effect of the medication caused Yooyoung to suffer from extreme mood swings. Today was a rare day, because today was a good day. It was one of those days that makes Joohee miss the vivacious and lively Yooyoung more than ever.

Joohee almost didn’t even mind that they have failed to notice her in the room, she even regrets it when they stop their game to greet her “That was fast” Minhyuk doesn’t take his eyes off the card, Yooyoung as well.

“Yes” Joohee shamelessly admits.

Minhyuk was expecting her to return a bit later, still he understands that on Joohee’s trust scale he’s probably somewhere around ‘stranger – this guy could rob you’. “You can take a nap on the chair, we’ll keep playing our game”

“Can I join you?” she pulls a chair closer to the other side of the bed. Shuffling back to let her in, Yooyoung hands Joohee a pile of cards. Forget that Yooyoung was dying, that Minhyuk had lost her trust or that Joohee is running on two shots of caffeine, from afar they seemed like a happy family.

But happiness doesn’t last long.

“Have you thought about it?” he gets her alone when the doctors are examining Yooyoung.

“About what?”

“The trip”

“She’s under 24 hour watch Minhyuk, not 24 hours and that’s it, it’s 24 hours, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month.”

“Can’t you trust me just one more time?” he fishes for something in his pocket and pulls it out. The crumpled paper looked too familiar for Joohee’s liking.

“That’s the bucket list” she snatches it away from him

“She gave it to me, without hesitation”

Joohee wants to state blatantly that it was because Yooyoung doesn’t know. Except Joohee doesn’t even know herself

“So can you trust me, one more time?” he asks, hopeful.