You can try to define this in words, but you will fail any way. The feeling of indescribable tenseness in your stomach, when you feel like thousands of butterflies are dancing all over it. The moments of looking in each other’s eyes, when you can’t tell if the world around you really exist. Because nothing matters, only you and the person opposite.

My name is G-Dragon and I will tell you my story.

 A love story.

It was something that I was not expecting to happen during my lifetime, coming to me completely out of blue. How? I am still not able to answer this question. It just happened, two years ago, when I first saw her beautiful smile. Seunghyun casually came to visit me during one of the spring weekends, with his best friend by his side. His best friend, my love. From the first sight. How did I know it was love? I didn’t. I realized it much later. The only thing I knew that time was that I was completely unable to speak, my hands clammy and my body shaking. I must have turned a little pale on my face because they both looked pretty worried asking me if I was okay. Of course I wasn’t. I had no idea what was happening to my body, not mentioning my mind.

The night after their visit was probably the worst night of my life. I couldn’t sleep, images of her coming to my mind every time I closed my eyes. Then it got worse, I started hallucinating, seeing her face even with my eyes wide opened. Tossing and turning on my bed, I was wondering how was that even possible if I have seen her only once in my life. This one time was enough to turn my world upside down. Then the morning came and with that the realization hit me. She didn’t know me, she belonged to him.

During the next couple of weeks I have been a frequent guest in Seunghyun’s apartment, and the only reason for it happening was that I knew, I will always find her there. Rather pathetic view if you look at it. Most of the times they were giggling with each other or cuddling on a sofa, while we were watching some movies in the evening. All I could do during that time was stealing quick glances while she was focused on what was happening on the screen. Believe me or not, that was enough. I was happy with every little thing she has done, every little word she has spoken to me and every little smile she has given me. It all made my heart thump like crazy, wanting to jump off my chest straight into her arms. You may be wondering how have I not realized that they were a couple. The fact is they weren’t.

At some point, the time for a serious conversation with Seunghyun has come. He was not stupid. At all. And he knew me to well not to realize what was going on. I didn’t need to say a word, he figured everything out by himself. The problem was not actually lying in their close relation, but in her personality. Seunghyun told me that she was not really a person willing to make new relationships with other people, but when she did…yeah.

‘You need to be patient, Jiyong. Just give her some time. Be with her and care for her. Then set her free. She will come back, I promise.’

With that advice of his I completely and perfectly understood their relationship. He never forced her to do anything. He was always there, no matter what happened. She felt secure and comfortable in his company and so did he in hers. There was unspoken love between the two of them, that could be felt all over. But this was not the romantic kind of love, rather the one when you care for the latter person more than for anything in the world, but without any lust or desire.

A true friendship.

I knew what I had to do. I decided to be by her side. I promised myself that I will keep this beautiful smile of hers on her face no matter how much of humiliation or sacrifice will it cost me. And believe me it cost me a lot, especially the former one.

After my decision, a series of humiliating situations came. Not that I was doing it on purpose, but I was not experienced it making a girl I love smile. Mostly, I made her laugh at my clumsiness or stupid things I was saying. I realized that it was different than being on stage in front of thousands of fans, who were easy to satisfy with only one smile of mine. In front of that one particular person, I felt and stressed. But after some time I realized that my effort has not been wasted. Maybe there was a change in her attitude towards me, or maybe it was just me who became addicted to her everything.

Her laugh, which made everyone around her happy.

Her soft voice, which was like the most beautiful music to my ears.

The sparkles in her eyes, when she felt happy.

Her long, brown hair, which she was running her fingers though every time she felt shy.

The moments, when she was biting her bottom lip, feeling ashamed.

Her breath on my neck or the feeling of her soft skin on mine, when she accidentally came too close.

Not mentioning the most beautiful and desirable body she owned.

After a couple of months she became the center of my world. No, world was not a good word to describe it. She started being the center of the universe for me. All I could think of was her, everything I have done was because of her or for her. She started feeling more comfortable with me, still a little shy and distanced, but she started leaving Seunghyun’s side more often for the sake of spending some time with me. She was the one and only that I was ready to do everything for, even if it meant swimming through the pool with my clothes on. Yes, I did it. That was when Seunghyun shouted to her that I want to date her. To my astonishment she smiled brightly form the other side of the pool.

‘Okay, but he has to come to me and ask for it by himself.’

It was enough for me to jump into the water in everything I had on me. Including the new phone, ID card and my apartment’s keys, which magically disappeared on the bottom of the swimming pool. When I managed to do it to the opposite side of the pool, she knelt in front of me with the brightest and the most wondreful smile I have ever seen. She cupped my face and caressed my wet cheek with her thumb, looking deep, deep into my eyes. I was drowning in the dark hazel irises of hers, enjoying the soft touch of her skin on mine, afraid that it will not last long, when suddenly the most beautiful, soft, yet barely audible sound escaped her lips.

‘Silly.’

Waiting for her in front of the appointed restaurant was the most stressing thing in my life. You can imagine that it was a hundred times more stressing than my debut appearance on stage. Thousands of thoughts were running through my head. What if she won’t like the place? What if I say something stupid? What if she doesn’t come? The last one was denied the moment she appeared in front of me, in the little black dress exposing her delicate shoulders and long legs, which were even more visible due to high heels she was wearing. The light of the street lamp accenting her pale, smooth skin. This woman definitely doesn’t need anything special to be beautiful. She looked stunning. My legs turned jelly, when I was standing there looking at her nearing, trying to compose myself to greet her properly.

After dinner, came the time to drive her home and say our goodbyes. We were sitting in my car, in front of the block of apartments that she was living in, uncomfortable silence surrounding us. For me it was hard to say goodbye, for her… I had no idea. She was sitting still, looking through the window for good fifteen minutes. I didn’t dare to speak nor move. I was just sitting calmly looking at her, enjoying every part of her incredible being. Finally, she turned her head to my side.

‘Would you like to come upstairs with me?’

 That was how the most unforgettable night of my life has started. There was no rush in it. Everything was smooth and delicate. We were enjoying each other, savoring ourselves as if trying our best in remembering every part of the other person’s body, every sensitive spot. It was different. It felt like the first time. In fact it was the first time I was making love to somebody, first time when my priority was to pleasure the other person, not only satisfy my own needs. And I was doing a good job. Every soft moan escaping her sweet mouth was telling me that. The way she was roaming her hands on my back or digging her nails into my skin from unbearable pleasure. This all felt so real, so incredible.

Sue, Suzy…were the only two words in my dictionary that night.

The morning when I woke up holding her in my arms for the first time, was the next thing I promised myself to never forget. She looked so beautiful, with the morning sun rays lightening her flawless skin, exposing few freckles on her incredibly perfect nose. So peaceful in her sleep. I was watching her for a while, occasionally running my fingers through her smooth hair or caressing her pale cheek. After that I decided to make a breakfast for us. When I was done, I woke her up leaving some butterfly kisses on her jawline and finally pecking her, swollen form the night events, lips.

The rest of a day, that we spent mostly in bed, cuddling, kissing and watching some stupid TV shows, have passed extremely quickly. In the evening after our…rather intensive make out session, I had an irresistible need to tell her about my feelings towards her. Lying on top of her, I looked her deep in the eyes. We remained in that position for a while and the atmosphere in the room got rather tensed. As if she was feeling, that something was coming. I caressed her cheek lovingly and she gave me a half-hearted smile.

‘I love you.’

Her eyes widened. She held her breath for a while, still not moving. Then she turned her head to the side in order to avoid my intense gaze. I was dumbfounded. For a second, I haven’t felt anything. After that it came to me.

Hurt.

She rejected me.

I remained in my previous position for few more seconds, unable to move nor speak. Then Seunghyun’s words started ringing in my head, not letting the other thoughts come to the voice. Set her free… I sat on the edge on the bed, taking one more look at Suzy. I couldn’t stand the pain in my heart, I hid my face in my hands, tears started running down my cheeks and forearms.

Another minutes have passed. I heard her moving on the bed, thinking that it was the end, that she will make me leave and never come back. It made me feel even worse, if possible. But expected words from her never came, instead of that I felt warm, familiar hand running up my spine, the second one caressing my chest gently her upper body pressed close to my back. Her hot breath hit my neck, she left some butterfly kisses on my shoulder before she caught my chin and turned my head, so I could face her. Her expression was soft her eyes were burning with…

‘Saranghae, Jiyong.’

Love, her eyes were burning with love.

Dedicated to Weronayka ♥

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I wish you a love story like this one.

I wish you a man like him.

I wish you all the best, love.