pause, re-mix
Chapter 1

 

I jolted up and stretched out to turn on the laptop I knew I forgot to remove from my bed.

You said, “Always keep the faith”.
In my heart
That’s the beat
That kept me alive.
 

If I had a multiple personality disorder, the other me would have already yanked out the me who just wouldn’t stop writing.

사랑해.
I dream to love you
I dream to share a world with you.

I understand
That in this life
The time for you and I
Is never to come.

You said, “Always keep the faith”.
In my memory
That’s the beat
I’ll never forget.
 

As I typed in those last words I literally slapped my face, lightly that is. I laid back hugging the laptop with me. Only after the heat from it became no more ignorable for me did I jolted up again.

“It’s hot. And I’ve got a plane to catch!” I explained then reminded myself.

Forty five minutes later—after a quick shower, a throwing of my luggage in the car and a very fast drive to the airport—I was still the first to board the early morning plane to Seoul. With my Narnia audio book narrated on my ears, I sat comfortably and read through my itinerary when I get to Seoul. First stop is to settle at my friend’s house. Then I’ll be off to the dorms. No scratch that. I’ll be off to the Han river and I’ll be eating ddokboki or steamed goguma.

Then a shadow loomed over me. I mean, a guy, abnormally tall—because, yes, I am not tall—stood on the aisle near my seat and slightly covered the light from behind him.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry,” I heard him say in Korean then in English. It wasn’t really a bother. Since, he’s Korean he’s less likely to start a chat with me, which I’m really not fond of when I’m traveling, except maybe with some few people I really enjoy talking to.

“Changmin! What are you doing there? Your seat is here beside me!” a familiar voice called out from the other row of seats.
“I know hyung, Jaejoong hyung just asked me to put his stuff here.” It was the tall Changmin who answered the dolphin-voiced Junsu.

I had to have a mental dialogue with myself. DBSK is, no, was here in the Philippines? Why? When? Where? How? What? I had to complete the five Wh- questions. Anyway, this IS going to be a ride to Korea with them? Changmin and Junsu—they are all together again? Why didn’t I know about it?!

To answer myself, of course, I had to think to myself again. Well, Ili, you have become NOT a fan, remember? End of conversation with self.

Due to lack of sleep, I dozed off and didn’t even get to be woken up when the plane took off—I already had my seatbelt on, because, yes, I have the habit of falling asleep fast and deep even on airplanes. I removed my seatbelt, stretched out just my arms, then stared out the window. I sure looked like I woke up from a very badly needed sleep, sans the unkempt hair.

“Stop humming. Look you’ve woken up your seatmate,” I faintly heard someone say. I felt a stir on the seat beside mine.

“Sorry if I disturbed your sleep.” I clearly heard a Jaejoong voice say that. I turned to him and he was indeed facing my direction. I smiled at him. I smiled at him. I did before a debate on my mind ensue on what would be the proper way to respond.

I pulled my glance from him to the near sunrise view of he skies outside. My mind wasn’t on that fully but was actually pre-occupied by a filmstrip of a past—my past with four precious people. How would they react if they tell them I’m on a plane with the five DBSK members? As if there was a way for me to let them know.

I felt nostalgic and so I stopped myself and instead exclaimed, in Korean, “They would definitely scream at me ‘til I die.” I ended with laughter.

To Jaejoong who was seated beside me and who was watching me since I just smiled in response to him, I probably looked like a mental case, who speaks Korean.

I got snapped out of my trance when the sun began to fill the sky with bright colors. I pulled out my Digital Harinezumi and positioned to record my first sunrise on air between Philippines and Korea. Cameras are not allowed to be used while on-board a plane—rules say so, but I say I want so. I am really not a morning person and that is why rare feats like this are very exciting to me—recording a sunrise that I’ve seen while on a plane.

“Excuse me, miss. You are not supposed to use a camera inside the plane,” Jaejoong spoke to me in Korean.

I already got my sunrise. I was smiling as I calmly turned to him and answered in Korean, too, “Ah, yes. I’ll turn it off now.” Again, I was a mental case, who would break rules just to capture a sunrise while on a plane.

As I answered him a caught a glimpse beyond him—Yoochun still have his earphones on while reading a book. Changmin was playing PSP with Junsu. On the next group of seats was another person with a towel on his face—probably Yunho, asleep with all of his face opening up. And on the window seat was an elderly man, probably their manager, or not, but surely someone who’s probably assigned to look after them.

DBSK is indeed here. It hit me again. My mind conjured up four other people looking at them with me. And then as if my right hand has a mind of its own, I raised my camera and took a shot at them.

“Ya! What are you doing?!” Uh-oh, I thought. Jaejoong may have said he would love to marry a fan, but he probably wouldn’t love a stalker-like fan.

“Sorry about that. I won’t do it again,” then I managed to bow my head a bit.

He had more to say but as if on cue, it was announced that the plane was about to land so we had to put on our seatbelt again and stay still, quiet, as for me. As soon as it was announced for passengers to alight the plane, I immediately jumped up with my backpack and ran past Jaejoong to the exit door.

Jaejoong probably thought I was a Filipino fan and a mental case, who speaks Korean.