Yuri has her headphones plugged into her ears and is contemplating the meaning of life. Or at least, the meaning of lunch.

               She’s sitting at her usual spot under the cherry blossom tree next to the performing arts wing, with her usual dorky friends. Somehow, Yuri’s found herself in the typical company of Jessica Jung, the bookworm who sleeps during classes, Kim Taeyeon, the girl who can make a mean rice ball, Choi Sooyoung, the loud girl who makes the smartass remarks during classes but eats enough to feed a village during lunch, and Kim Hyoyeon, the captain of the advanced dance team.

               Yuri glances at Taeyeon who’s busy perfecting her rice balls, oblivious to the fact that Sooyoung is devouring them on the spot, then averts her gaze to Jessica, who is somehow diligently reading despite the fact that Hyoyeon is blaring her hip-hop music and gliding around her in circles. She then returns her attention to her lunch, secretly wondering if her mother takes cooking lessons from Jessica, because she’s quite sure that rice isn’t supposed to turn out blue.

               With a repulsed sigh, she pushes her lunch away from her, all traces of appetite gone, and resorts to watching Hyoyeon practice. Yuri’s always been jealous of Hyoyeon. She already knows exactly what she wants in life, and Yuri envies the fact that Hyoyeon can devote all of her focus to one thing. Sometimes Yuri wonders if dancing is her path in life, too, because other than exercising (since being a professional exerciser isn’t actually a profession), dancing is the only thing that makes her feel complete. Or at least, distracts her from her other problems.

               Hyoyeon had convinced Yuri and Yoona to try out dancing in their freshmen year, and Yuri never regretted joining the advanced dance team. Yoona, however, though an extremely skilled dancer, had decided to drop out and join drama, instead. Yuri’s not really sure why, because she knows how much Yoona loves dancing, but she knows she won’t get any answers so doesn’t question it.

At least, not verbally.

               Thinking of Yoona makes Yuri glance at the cafeteria, wondering of the other girl’s whereabouts, though she already knows the answer, surprisingly; there are few things about Yoona that have an answer to them. But Yuri’s quite sure that Yoona is enjoying her lunch with the other popular girls who are popular for the very reasons she’s not –Seo Juhyun, the most brilliant girl at their high school, Tiffany Hwang, the most beautiful (in the eyes of most people), and Lee Sunny, arguably the most talented.

               It seems that only Yuri and her group of eccentric friends opt to sit outside while everyone else chooses the cafeteria. Yuri sighs, again, because it seems like a million years ago that she, Yoona, Hyoyeon, Taeyeon, and Sooyoung used to eat lunch in the cafeteria together. She doesn’t remember when she and Yoona started drifting apart exactly, but she does remember coming back to school after winter break in sophomore year and finding Yoona sitting at the popular table, instead. Jessica, the new girl at the time, took Yoona’s place at their table and though Yuri had grown fond of the American exchange student, she couldn’t replace Yoona.

               “I feel like practicing,” Yuri murmurs to herself as she unplugs her headphones before asking, “Hyo, can you lend me the keys to the dance room?”

Hyoyeon pauses in her routine and gives Yuri a peculiar look.

               “But lunch is about to end in five minutes and we don’t even have a showcase or a competition anytime soon,” Hyoyeon says as she finally turns off her iPod, to the immense relief of Jessica.

               “I don’t care. I just want to dance. I don’t feel like going to history –Mrs. Williams won’t mind, anyways,” Yuri answers indifferently.

               She’s only half-lying –it’s true that she had no desire to go to the class that would inevitably be the reason she wouldn’t graduate high school, but she sincerely doubts that Mrs. Williams won’t mind. Okay, maybe she’s lying to herself about why she doesn’t want to go to history, but it’s not like she’s a big part of Yoona’s life anymore, anyways. It’s been a week since they talked to each other.

               Hyoyeon looks uncertain, but hands off the keys nonetheless.

               “Thanks. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Yuri says dismissively as she walks away, not sparing a glance at her friends.

               She realizes she’s not being the warm, friendly Yuri they’ve grown to know and love, but she also realizes that she doesn’t know where that Yuri is anymore. She doesn’t really know anything, anymore.

               Yuri unlocks the dance room and slips in unnoticed by the school security. She changes as swiftly as possible before turning up the stereo loud enough that she can’t hear herself think, which is exactly what she wants. It’s a wonder that the dance room is sound-proof, and before she knows it, she’s drenched in sweat and out of breath, but at least she’s not thinking about Yoona.

               The more time Yuri spends away from Yoona, the more these strange feelings stir within her. She’s never considered herself anything but heteroual, but she’s never exactly been in a relationship with a boy outside of a brief summer fling with Sooyoung’s cousin, Minho, either. Yuri’s not sure whether she’s more afraid of how her family will react to her abrupt change in uality, or the fact that it’s Yoona that’s changing her uality.

               Actually, she’s more afraid of dying of a heart attack when she notices Yoona leaning against the doorway, watching her intently with a small smile. Heart in and totally out of breath, Yuri gasps, “What are you doing here?”

               Yoona chuckles, and something about her throaty laugh sends shivers through Yuri.

               “I’d like to ask you the same question. I volunteered to come find you because Mrs. Williams started ranting about ‘the horrors of ditching’,” Yoona replies, making air-quotes with her fingers, and Yuri rolls her eyes.

               “She needs to get off my back,” Yuri grumbles breathlessly as she pauses the music. “How’d you find me?”

               “Well, being the genius that you are, you left the door unlocked,” Yoona begins, and Yuri blushes, to the younger girl’s amusement, before continuing, “Also, I know this is your favorite place, Yuri-ah. You used to run away and come here whenever your parents would fight.”

               Even though Yoona says it in a gentle tone, Yuri still feels the pain of her parents’ divorce and quickly changes the subject.

               “I’m surprised you even noticed I was gone,” Yuri says as she leans back against the mirror to catch her breath, fully aware that Hyoyeon will admonish her for leaving marks.

Yoona shrugs.

               “History just isn’t history when you’re not there.”

               Yuri blinks, taken aback by the statement.

               “Why? We don’t talk to each other or even sit anywhere near each other,” Yuri points out.

               “I just don’t feel complete when you’re not there,” Yoona replies.

               Yuri doesn’t know how to respond to that so she just takes a swig from her water bottle, trying to ignore the butterflies that erupt in her stomach at the statement. Yoona crosses the room, and with each step she takes, Yuri can feel her already racing heart pound even harder against her chest, until Yoona’s standing a foot away from Yuri (and her heart is relentless at this point), playing with her hair tentatively. No, Yoona isn’t playing with her own hair, she’s playing with her hair –Yuri’s hair, and it’s taking everything in Yuri to not lean into her touch and release a suppressed moan that isn’t tentative in the slightest.

               Yuri doesn’t question the action, simply because it’s Yoona, but also because she doesn’t want her to stop.

               “You’re still just as amazing of a dancer as I remember,” Yoona finally breaks the silence, and Yuri just smiles, afraid of what her voice will sound like.  “You’re right,” Yoona then adds, frowning as she’s hit with a revelation. “We really haven’t talked in a while… I miss you.”

               It’s just three words, but Yuri feels like her heart is about to burst. She gulps and whispers in a barely audible voice, “I miss you, too.”

               It’s silent for few minutes after that, and Yuri’s still not sure whether or not she wants Yoona to stop playing with her hair so she can resume functioning. Yoona finally stops, to Yuri’s mixed relief and dismay.

               “You know, you’re always welcome to come sit with us at lunch,” Yuri pipes up, and Yoona sort of smiles at that, but its forced, almost strained.

               They both know that it just can’t happen. It’s too complicated, but Yuri’s not entirely sure why. She just hopes it’s not what she fears it to be, but has an unsettling feeling that it is. That Yoona cares too much about what other people think of her. That she cares more about her reputation than… than her friends. Her real friends.

               “So are you,” Yoona responds, but with the way her voice sounds, it’s more like a retort, and that makes Yuri’s stomach churn.

               She ignores it though, and forces an awkward smile.

               “What? Me? I doubt your popular friends would want weirdo Kwon Yuri bombarding your table.” Yuri grins, but it’s more like an evasion.

               “No way! The boys don’t really judge anyone and neither do most of the girls. Besides, Sunny’s always wanted to become friends with the ‘second-best dancer on the team’, Seohyun thinks you’re a remarkable writer, and Tiffany thinks you’re hot,” Yoona cries in protest.

               Yuri digests the information slowly, before her eyes widen in disbelief.

               “Wait, what was that last one?” Yuri inquires.

               “Tiffany thinks you’re hot?” Yoona repeats, as more of a question.

               “She what?” Yuri gasps in shock.

               “Tiffany likes you,” Yoona confirms. “She’s liked you since last year. Didn’t you know that Tiffany was into girls?”

               Yuri’s not sure what’s more surprising –the fact that Tiffany Hwang, the most beautiful and popular girl at their school finds her attractive, the fact that Tiffany’s an extremely devout Christian who’s homoual, or the fact that Yuri was unaware of all of this until now.

               Then she’s afraid, because she wants to ask if Yoona’s also into girls, but she’s more afraid of the answer. She’s even more afraid of her own answer to that question.

               “I-I don’t know,” Yuri stammers. “I thought she was dating Siwon –I mean, they’re almost always together.”

               “Oh, that’s because they’re both board members of the Christian club,” Yoona explains dismissively, waving a hand. “Wait, you’re okay with her liking you, right?”

               Yoona’s eyes widen with fear as she realizes the sensitivity of the information she’s disclosed; to her relief, Yuri nods.

               “How could I not be? I mean, it’s not my place to judge who someone likes. And it’s kind of flattering,” she retorts, and they both chuckle at that.

               Besides, who am I to judge who someone likes knowing who I like, Yuri thinks bitterly to herself.

Yuri then pauses for a second, processing before her mind reaches an unlikely but possible conclusion.

               “Wait, you don’t think Tiffany became friends with–”

               “–me to become closer to you?” Yoona finishes Yuri’s question for her perfectly, without a word out of place. Yuri nods, mutely. “I thought that too, at first, but Tiffany didn’t tell anyone she liked you until a few months ago, by accident, and she’s never tried to talk to you through me. Besides, she’s the sweetest thing ever; she’d never do anything like that.”

               Yoona’s tone is suggestive, and Yuri raises an eyebrow.

               “Are you trying to advertise her to me?” Yuri chortles and Yoona shrugs with a smile.

               “If it works, then why not, right? We’ll be able to spend more time together and Tiffany will finally get the girl of her dreams,” Yoona answers.

               That makes one of us, Yuri thinks as she smiles to mask her melancholy.

               “I’ve never really considered dating a girl… especially not Tiffany,” Yuri half-lies, albeit, awkwardly, avoiding Yoona’s eyes.

               “Well, think about it, okay?” Yoona’s alto voice is soft, with a tenderness that melts Yuri’s defenses. She hands Yuri a slip of paper that has Tiffany’s name and number on it, and just seeing it makes Yuri’s stomach churn uncertainly, but she receives it submissively, defenses shattered. “I’ll see you at lunch, tomorrow. When Mrs. Williams asks I’ll just pretend I couldn’t find you,” Yoona adds with a wink that makes Yuri’s breathing hitch in .

               Yoona leaves before Yuri a chance to ask any more questions, as always.

 Yuri sighs.

               Now she has another set of complications she has to deal with, an unwanted appointment, and even more questions than before.