Italics is for emphasis. In the letter, italicized lines could be things that might have had potential meaning for the writer. The letter is seperated by a border, from the rest of the text. The bit after the letter is also written in present tense. Jaejoong is represented by 'I' in the letter and is 'Jaejoong' otherwise. 

My Yunho, 

I'm not the same person I was an hour ago. I don't have long, but you deserve an explanation.

I knew we had been drifting apart for weeks. But I didn't say anything. I just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be, when it was just you and me. That we, by some miracle, could be picked up and put back together. Hoping against hope things would change.

I've left the keys under the mat like always, you can find your own way in.

If I had to put a date to it, I would say it would have been on the night of Changmin's going away party everything changed.

That was the night we met him for the first time.

He called himself Youngwoong

The first time, neither one of us knew what to do. You were confused and I was in shock. It happened in the blink of an eye—one minute I was with you, right by your side, and the next I wasn't. The others liked him immediately. He was a little different, but they quickly learned to love him like of our own.

So differently than the way they loved me

It was okay at first, he would come only once in awhile, and he wouldn't linger. We all missed Changmin so much, no one could ever fill that aching gap in the middle of our close knit circle of friends. A thorn of bitterness was buried deep within all of us, but you missed him the most. He had been your closest friend since Elementary school.

At the time I didn't understand why nothing I did for you could make the hurt go away. But now I understand you two both shared a connection stronger than anyone could ever comprehend.

I couldn't stand to see you hurting, I couldn't stand how I could do nothing but watch you as depression pulled you further and further away from me. You threw up mental walls around yourself and retreated so far within yourself that nothing I could do or say got through to you. I wanted to help you, and I swore to myself that I would do anything for you, anything it all, that might help you.

That's when Youngwoong came back.

The others immediately latched onto his outgoing personality, and drank him all in; his wit, his ability to bring joy to the people around him, his ability to make the stifling pain of Changmin's absence a little more bearable.

You hung back though, you knew something about him was amiss.

That no one else knew

But he started to make more and more appearances. He would join in on all the group festivities and come to all of the gatherings. His presence was overwhelming and I was pushed into the sidelines.

He eventually won you over like he had with the others. I watched from a distance the way he spoke to you, the way he smiled at you, the way he showed no fear in public. You smiled back.

At first I didn't mind. He brought out a part of you that no one else could. A part of you I hadn't seen since Changmin left and I was wondering if it still even existed.

You still hurt, you would always have that special spot for Changmin in your heart. I understand. But whenever he was around, it was as if someone had suddenly the sun. You stood a little taller, you smiled a little brighter, you laughed a little louder.

I had never seen you so happy in your life. When he was by your side, you never stopped smiling.

This man had touched a part of you that I could never reach. This new man brought you back to life.

Something that I couldn't do

When you were happy, I was happy. All I needed to see was that the Yunho I once knew still existed. 

Youngwoong made you happy. I could see it in the way you talked about him to me with a smile that never left your lips. When you said how talked about how much Changmin would have liked him. Then you told me something that I would replay in my head over and over like a resounding echo. You said it was a shame that you hadn't met this man before because there was something about him that had you so inexplicably drawn to.

It was then that I noticed you had been talking to me less and less. If we were together, you would always talk to him. Just the two of you. I would sit in silence. Never speak, only watch and listen as the other man, the only one who could break down the walls you had constructed around yourself, began to pull you another direction, away from me.

It was at that moment that I started questioning what I meant to you. What you needed.

When he was by your side, I no longer existed

I was hollow and worthless and transparent. I felt myself beginning to crumble away, as if I might soon fade away into tendrils of smoke in the wind.

Youngwoong and I might share the same flesh body, but he is not me. I am the old Jaejoong you used to know for only but a second before Youngwoong claims my consciousness. Youngwoong has been coming out more and more, and I find myself, Jaejoong, slipping away, becoming a little less real each passing day. I feel that someday, I might disappear completely, and Jaejoong will cease to exist. One day, there will be no more Jaejoong, only Youngwoong.

It was Youngwoong you fell in love with, not me. It was Youngwoong you asked to spend the rest of his with you, not me. It is Youngwoong who must stay, not me.

Those smiles you gave, were not for me. The love you showed, was not for me. The heart you gave, was never mine

Nothing felt real anymore

The days started link together in an endless chain of flashing memories. Time did not exist. As Youngwoong's life with you became separate from mine. One moment I was walking with you, just the two of us, then suddenly, we were already home. When I asked how we gotten here so fast, you said we walked.

He disappeared for awhile after that

When I fully returned to the world of the living, he was gone, and a ring was on my finger. I felt lost. It all suddenly felt real.

Too real. It was overwhelming

You seemed to notice a difference. When you saw me, you asked me what was wrong. My perpetual slouch, I had apparently managed to lose, was back. And something else. My smile, also seemed different. I was quieter, you said, I brooded more. I was no fun.

A lot more like my old self, you said

The other Jaejoong, the one who called himself Youngwoong, you said, the happy one, the one you knew and loved, you wanted him back.

And he did come back. It was then I realized, that you didn't need me anymore, but you didn't want me either. It wasn't me you loved.

When he returned, I felt the last pieces of myself disappearing like a fading memory.

Today, on the hill, you kissed me. I only ever wanted you to be happy. So as I kissed you, I thought of what Youngwoong would have done. I twirled your hair with my finger, as he always did. 'I'm back,' I whispered. And put on the largest smile I possibly could.

Your smile made it all worth it. And I felt the last pieces of myself fade away.

When I woke up, I was already home. I remembered you stopped for groceries on the way back and promised you wouldn't be long.

I don't know what is real anymore. Youngwoong was—is everything I am not, yet somewhere, some small part deep down, I think some of you is still clinging to what we had. I was selfish to believe that this way is better, to simply take a step back and let you live this lie, as long as it made you happy.

Youngwoong made you happy, but while he exists in your life, I cannot.

I will miss you. Where I'll end up, I don't know, but you won't there, but the fact that I will leave you, knowing that you have someone who will make you happy, makes it all worth it.

I keep thinking back to those years when we were young and carefree. Whenever I was upset, I used to lock myself in the attic and climb out onto the roof and brood. I used to stay there for hours before you came and found me and asked me what was wrong. You always knew where I was though, you just knew that I needed the time to breathe. It came to a point where you got the timing right down the minute. When I grew tired of listening to myself cry, you would come and wrap me in a warm hug. It's those days that I miss, when everything could be fixed with a single hug.

I seize the pad of paper and pen. I have no idea how I can even begin to explain, so I will with the truth. I pick up the pen and began to write. In the empty house, the scratching of the pen on the paper is deafening.

I'm not the same person I was an hour ago...

Jaejoong picks up the set of keys from the table and leaves the room.

-~<>-~<>-~<>-۞~<>-~<>-~<>-~

Yunho stands at the door patting his pockets. He can't find his keys anywhere. He kneels down feeling around. Perhaps he might have dropped it on his way out. He feels something under the mat. He peels it back to reveal his keys.

'Youngwoong must have left them there for me.' He thinks.

Yunho knew something was different as soon as he pushed the picked up the keys and pushed the correct one in the lock. Nevertheless, he twisted it and the door swung open and he let himself in.

The house is eerily quiet. Youngwoong always has music playing whenever he is home alone.

“Youngwoong, are you here?” He calls, his voice echoing off the walls. No response.

He sets the his bags down on the counter when a paper on the counter catches his attention. It's a picture of himself and Youngwoong. He flips it over, and notices the curvy script covering the back.

Mystified, he picks it up.

“I'm not the same person I was an hour ago.”

Yunho reads the letter and covers his mouth in horror as Jaejoong's words begin to sink in. Oh god.

He dashes up the stairs.

“Jaejoong!”

 My second one-shot, first yunjae fanfic. Please let know how I did. 

I understand that this story might be insanely confusing, so if you are confused by the end, I reccomend re-reading it, as I have scattered small hints and important info throughout the story. If you are still don't understand, feel free to comment or pm me and I will be happy to answer your questions. 

Rainy ♬