Music: The First Day We Met - Urban Zakapa

January 17, 2012

The theatrical sun kissed the murky clouds farewell as it washed out itself on the backdrop along with its warmth and radiance, leaving the world in a state of obscurity and secrecy under the moon’s faded light as the hours of darkness seeped into our souls.

Subtle chirping of birds and humming of crickets were muffled by the sounds of roaring cars and their screeching tires as they made uneven friction with the ground. Leaves rustled on their branches and waltzed in synchronization as supple breeze passed by them in a short-lived nanosecond.

Everything in the world looked so serene and hushed under the gloomy sky, except for your racing heartbeat and pounding headache.

Random perplexed passersby with unclear minds gave wretched gazes on your direction as they walked by and you just showed them a pocket-sized smile to assure them that you are fine and that nothing is wrong. 

Since the day you were in a relationship, fake smiles were easier for you to do already since it was the only thing you can afford to do when your boyfriend is around.

You are not fine and something is terribly wrong.

The voice inside your head reprimanded you no matter how much you tell yourself that everything is going to be tolerable. Your conscience should identify the difference between the powerful forces of the good and evil, instead of messing up the scattered thoughts inside your mind.

You looked like a broke teenager who got locked out of her own house with no other hope to cling to in that moment. Some people even gave you judging looks since you were curled up in a fetal position on a staircase in front of a very lavish house, but you doubt that you look like an appalling being though their looks made you think otherwise.

With shaking fingers, you fished your azure-colored phone out of your back pack’s pocket to avoid the stare of a juvenile woman saying to her companion that you looked like a waiting to be picked up by the next customer. Every word she said pierced through your broken heart like razor-sharp daggers, stabbing you again and again until you bleed to death.

You are not a , okay? You are just a distressed girlfriend waiting for her -of-a-boyfriend outside of his house since today is your first anniversary and you wanted to celebrate it with him yet he never came.

You can just imagine your conscience rolling her eyes at you like she is talking to the world’s dumbest person. And you agree with your conscience, you are the world’s dumbest person because you are in love with a guy who keeps on breaking your heart because you are hoping that the day will come that he will finally realize his feelings for you.

But he never loved you in the first place. There she goes again.

To clear your mind that you really sent him a text this daybreak, you opened the sent items on your phone and read your message. Oppa, happy first anniversary! Let us celebrate this special day today, okay? I’ll go to your house at seven p.m. and let’s go catch a movie. I am very excited to see you tonight. I love you!

But you never received a reply to that text and you assumed that maybe he just lost his phone or didn’t notice your message.

How could you think that he lost his phone? He loves that non-living thing more than his own girlfriend and he even sleeps with that damn object beside him. Didn’t notice the text, my ! That damn phone is always on his hand, texting random girls when he can’t even text his own girlfriend.

Your conscience was rubbing her temples as she tried her best to calm herself down.

Absentmindedly, you checked your wristwatch and regretted doing it when you realized that it was already past 9 o'clock in the evening. It’s been two hours already, but you just decided to utter some mantra to yourself to keep you motivated.

If I have waited for two hours, waiting for another hour would not be so bad. You chanted to yourself to keep you determined to wait longer.

What if it would take a longer time for you to wait for him? How long can you wait? Your inner voice asked in a somber tone. If it would take forever to wait for him, then I would spend my next lifetime waiting for him.

You thought as unconsciousness dawned on you as you fell into a deep slumber with shooting stars above your head.

Someone who is dear to you has been looking at you the entire time you were waiting for your boyfriend on that front yard, disguising himself with a hoodie that covered half of his face as he sat on a wooden bench just across you.

He looked left and right to make sure the coast is clear before sneaking out of his hiding place once he noticed that you have fallen asleep with your head rocking back and forth.

Crossing the street in a dash, he wrapped a jacket around your shoulders to keep you warm when he finally reached you. He made his way back to the bench because he knew that a few minutes from now, your boyfriend will turn up in the scene and he doesn’t want to be caught or else he’s dead meat.

He sat back again on the bench and his heart hurts because of the sight of you waiting for someone who doesn’t deserve you. He looked down at your sleeping figure.

If you were my girlfriend, you wouldn’t wait for me like that.

A smile that didn’t reach Kyung's eyes appeared on his facade when he remembered the day he confessed to you but you rejected him, but your relationship as best friends didn’t amend even after that confrontation.

Five minutes have ticked and a crimson sports car zoomed through the empty city streets and stopped in front of your unconscious self. Your boyfriend stumbled out of his posh car then walked in a zigzag motion to his door, and he just ignored you with a scoff.

You woke up startled when you heard the door open and ran to him with a giddy expression.

“Oppa!”

He looked at you with annoyance and his face scrunched up in disgust as he looked at you up and down, as if you were a homeless person asking for donation.

The smell of heavy liquor and cigarette filled your nose as you tried to breathe in his scent, but you dismissed the thought as you held up the box of cake on your hands.

“This cake for you. Happy anniversary.”

But your words got cut off when he yanked the cake out of your hands. “Happy anniversary.” And in one swift motion, he threw the cake to the nearest trash bin. “There, are you happy?”

And with those words said and left lingering in the air, he closed the door right in front of you and it missed hitting you by an inch. Your bambi eyes blinked once because of his abrupt action but you decided to smile a genuine one as you spoke.

“I am so sorry if I have done something wrong. I don’t know what I’ve done that might have hurt you, but I really feel sorry. Please forgive me. Happy anniversary too, Jaehyo oppa.”

You walked out of the apartment and started walking home. Maybe he doesn't like sweets. Yes, that’s it.

Jaehyo’s action really made you disappointed because you took baking classes just to bake that cake, yet he threw it to the trash bin like it rightfully belongs there.

When Kyung noticed you walking on your way home, he inaudibly followed you to make sure that you arrive home secure and breathing. Just the thought of you walking single-handedly this late gave him chills running down his spine and apprehension grew inside of him for some unknown reason.

You noticed the warmth of a piece of clothing loosely hanging around your shoulders. Did Jaehyo oppa wrap a jacket around me to keep me warm? See? He still cares about me.

An unsettling feeling crept up to your arms when you noticed that someone is following you. You tried to look back but all you see is an impenetrable shadow of a guy hiding himself behind a massive tree.

Is Jaehyo oppa trying to follow me to make sure I go home safe and sound? See? He really cares about me.

When you reached home, you hastily took off your shoes and made a run to your room to have some sleep and to dream of your boyfriend. The moment your head came in contact with your pillow, your phone vibrated since it just received a new text message. You quickly opened the text but disappointment ran through your veins when you realized that is was not from Jaehyo.

It was a text from Kyung. You don’t have to read it since those words were familiar to you because he send the same message to you every single night. “Why are you in love with a guy who keeps on breaking your heart? Why are you in love with him?”

And you quickly typed out words as a reply. The same message you used to reply to him every night.  "And you, why are you in love with a girl who can’t return your feelings? Why are you in love with me?”

Before your heavy eyes fluttered close as sleepiness seeped into your whole being, a very clear flashback of what happened in the past replayed inside your head like a movie.

It was one of those moments that you treasured because it showed the good side of Jaehyo which you fell for.

January 17, 2011

You took long strides as you made your long way towards the school’s gym because you were already thirty minutes late. This morning, you received a note from Kyung saying that Jaehyo wanted to meet you at five in the afternoon in the school gym.

It made you curious because you were used to meeting Kyung at the front gates when after class dismissal and walking home together with him. He will stay at your apartment for an hour or two, either doing assignments or just hanging out and will leave after dinner.

You can’t make it on time because there was an emergency meeting for the upcoming stage play that you are a part of and you couldn’t miss it because urgent matters will be discussed.

Beads of sweat ran down your forehead in slow motion, leaving a trail of wetness as it slid down to your collarbone.

You fervently prayed that Jaehyo could at least wait for five more minutes. Five minutes never seemed longer for you as you ran down the flight of stairs in a flash. It wasn’t the note that made your heart pound faster, but the fact that you will be seeing the guy who you had a crush on since forever wanted to meet you.

Okay, maybe forever is such an overstatement. To be more precise, you liked Jaehyo since preschool.

You know that at that time, you are too young for crushes. But who could never fall for that sparkling eyes and killer smile? You thought your feelings for him will just pass by soon just like teenage infatuation. But you were wrong because you’ve carried those feelings all throughout middle school and until high school.

The moment you halted in front of the gym, you crouched down with the palm of your hands on your knee caps and tried to catch your breath as you struggled for the lack of oxygen. When you opened the door, colorful unknown objects fell down from the ceiling and one pink piece of it fell down on your face, tickling your nose, almost making you sneeze.

Looking up, you saw a grumpy-faced Yookwon throwing flower petals down the hole in the rooftop. Wow, do they really have to grill a hole in the ceiling just for that? Your conscience was in her sarcastic mode again.

Sitting beside him was Minhyuk who was throwing a whole bowl of confetti down towards you. Some strips of the golden foil even clung to your hair and clothes, making you dust yourself since you hate these glittery and shining things since you believe they could make you blind.

Jiho was standing in front of you, with camera on his hands, acting as a cameraman as he filmed the whole scene like a movie.

Jihoon was dressed in a waiter’s uniform as he stood beside a table overflowing with scrumptious food, which was placed in the middle of the gym. Candles lit the whole table since the surrounding was already dark because the almighty sun has bid her goodbye to the sky.

In the corner of the gym was Kyung pouring his whole heart out as his fingers delicately tapped the keys as he played a romantic piece with a piano. His eyes were closed as he moved gracefully, a gummy smile not leaving his face as he hummed with the music.

You were happily smiling to yourself as your heart swelled up because of the great sight in front of you when Jaehyo appeared out of nowhere all of a sudden; almost making you jump on your place.

He greeted with a shy smile. “I’m glad that you’re here. I thought that you’re not coming or you just simply ignored my note.” He continued when you kept silent.

“I’ve always wanted to do this before but I never had enough courage. And now, I’m inviting you here to ask you something.”

Taeil walked out of the door with a small board dangling on his neck and it says ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ You fought the urge to jump on him and squish his cheeks since he looked so cute in his glasses and suspenders.

Looking back to Jaehyo, you tried to tease as you wiggled your eyebrows up and down. “Who is courting me? You or him? Because if it is Taeil oppa, then I would never think twice to accept him as my boyfriend.”

Jaehyo glanced at you and you saw sadness on the back of his lids as his eyes met yours. “If it is me, would you say no then?”

You took a step towards him and held both of his cheeks on your hands, holding it as if it is the most fragile vase on the world. “Do I have a reason to say no to you, Ahn Jaehyo?”

Jaehyo’s eyes looked up to you in confusion as his eyes shone in the dark. “I don’t know.” Mustering up all the pieces of courage inside of you, you pecked his lips and pulled back. “Does that answer your question?”  

He smiled at you and you almost fainted when he flashed his signature killer-smile, showing his pearly whites that you always envied.  Jaehyo asked in a hushed voice with a hint of happiness as his forehead touched yours. “It’s a yes?”

“It’s a yes.”  You repeated and closed your eyes as his lips met yours in a sweet kiss. It was short but it was enough to take your breath away and make your heart pound like crazy. As he smiled at you, you felt hypnotized by his eyes.

At the moment, you were very sure that what you feel towards Jaehyo is not just a simple crush but it was already a first love in bloom.