She had never realized why it became that way, but riding on Hyukjae’s bike had become their very routine ever end of her dance practice time. Hyukjae would drop her at the halt, sat with her until her bus arrived, and then left with his bike.

That afternoon wasn’t an exception. Hyoyeon swung her legs while sitting on Hyukjae’s bike back seat. She loved that new habit of hers; she loved how Hyukjae would paddling slowly, letting the light breeze her face. She loved to see the trees faded into shades of green and yellow below the clear blue sky. She never appreciated the beautiful scenery on her way back from the school to the bus halt, but Hyukjae had presented it to her and she loved it.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Hyukjae asked suddenly. Hyoyeon swung her head towards him, a bit startled from her pleasant daze.

“What is?” she asked, boring her eyes onto Hyukjae’s back. She could see from the back that Hyukjae was gazing up into the sky, carrying the wind. She could imagine how Hyujae’s lips would curve into a smile as the wind blew his hair into a mess.

“The sky.” he answered. “Don’t you think the color is amazingly beautiful? How by only seeing it you could warm your heart up?”

“It is.” Hyoyeon smiled, gazing up to share the beautiful sky Hyukjae was staring at. They were silent for some time, appreciating what they saw, until Hyukjae broke it again.

“I love blue.” he told her. “But sky blue is my favorite. That’s why I ride this bike.” he chuckled a bit. “I love staring at the blue sky while paddling slowly. I had been doing it since elementary school, and I still do it now, even though people would think it’s un-cool compared to Siwon’s luxury car. Or Donghae’s motorbike.” he laughed. Hyoyeon didn’t say anything. She was absorbed by his story for a reason she couldn’t even explain. She just did.

“But I don’t care what people say.” Hyukjae continued, wasn’t bothered by Hyoyeon’s lack of response. “Because they don’t see what I see every day. They could laugh at me as much as they want, but in the end I am the one who could enjoy this, not them. Me alone.” he smiled. “I didn’t realize it before, but it’s actually pleasing to share it with someone. You made me realize it.” Hyukjae glanced to her back and smiled at Hyoyeon.

“I’m really happy, Hyoyeon. Because I’m now sharing this beautiful scenery with you.” he confessed. There was a tint of pink on his face and he quickly faced the front again with an awkward chuckle. He didn’t say any more words until they reached the bus halt, where unusually, they didn’t share a single story either.

Hyukjae didn’t realize it, but Hyoyeon had lost her ability to speak either. She wondered why her face felt hot, and it was strangely hard to look straight at his face that day.

And to add to that, she had to manage her heartbeat either, which seemed to be unwilling to beat at its usual pace. They were silent, but Hyoyeon’s heartbeat kept increasing. Fast.

_____

She had never changed her attitude. She was not one who would show her feelings or be a bit more open about it. She just wouldn’t have the courage.

And so Hyoyeon chose to be silent.

Because after all being just his friends was enough for her. She was certain the feelings would just be temporary. She would eventually forget about him, so there was no need to break the perfect relationship they had back then. They were good friends. That was what it ought to be.

Hyoyeon would definitely lose her feelings for Hyukjae sooner or later.

Or so she thought.

_____

Senior’s Graduation, 2005

“Come on, Hyoyeon. Give it to him!” Sooyoung said repetitively like a spell, encouraging her stone-headed friend. Contradictory with what Sooyoung intended her compulsion turning out to be, Hyoyeon reddened up even more, holding the bouquet of flowers further behind her body.

“No. He would suspect my feelings. It’s weird to give him the flowers without delivering him the message that I actually like him. No, I can’t do it.” she frantically shook her head, shrinking under Sooyoung’s glowering stare.

“Isn’t it the whole point? Telling him your feelings?” Sooyoung goggled at her. “You would regret it if you don’t do it now, trust me. It’s not even that difficult, seriously.” she added again, exasperated.

“It’s easy to say that.” Hyoyeon grumbled. “You are not in my position.”

“Oh, really?” Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. “Would you do it, then, if I set an example?” she asked. Hyoyeon was silent, unsure of how to react. It was always difficult to judge whether Sooyoung was serious or not. Sooyoung had no feelings for any of the seniors at that moment for sure, so Hyoyeon didn’t know whom she would give the flowers; if she really planned on doing it. But on the other hand, Sooyoung wasn’t the type to give an empty talk either. She was always true to what she said.

Sooyoung examined Hyoyeon’s expression, waiting for an answer; a confirmation of what she hoped. When the answer didn’t come, she simply went to a lady who sold roses, and bought one stalk of red rose, followed by Hyoyeon’s gaze.

“Watch how I do it.” Sooyoung winked to Hyoyeon before walking confidently towards the four. Siwon was the first one to notice Sooyoung’s presence near them and he waved to her, still unaware of the rose she hid in her back.

Hyoyeon watched as Sooyoung directly went to Siwon with a bright smile and handed the flower to him; which he accepted with a surprised happy smile. The noisy howling sound his friends made followed Sooyoung as she walked back to Hyoyeons’ side casually.

“See?” she said, ignoring the immature boys. “Not hard at all.”

“I never knew you liked him.” Hyoyeon gaped, still staring at the red rose in Siwon’s hand. Sooyoung never said a word to her about her feelings for him; and they always shared almost everything.

“Because I don’t.” Sooyoung shrugged. “I just give it to him because I admired him. I told him that.” she added as if it was the most common thing people do. How Hyoyeon envied her confidence and light way of seeing things. If only Hyoyeon had only half of Sooyoung’s confidence she wouldn’t have the difficulty to deliver her feelings for Hyukjae, which she had spent for almost a year now.

“Now, go.” Sooyoung urged. “Or other girls would snatch him first. That if anyone except you would want him.” she winked, gently pushed Hyoyeon to where Hyukjae was standing.

Hyoyeon gazed back at Sooyoung timidly only to meet Sooyoung shushing hand, telling her to keep walking. Hesitantly, she turned her head to the front, walking with trembling legs to Hyukjae. One step. Two steps. She was already very near. Another step. Hyukjae noticed her. She couldn’t go back now.

 “Hi, Hyo!” Hyukjae flashed him his gummy smile while his friends watched with interest, with the exception of Kyuhyun, who groaned and made a sour face.

“Don’t tell me it’s another flower for him.” he said, feigning disgust. “This Siwon is surely overrated.”

“It’s hyung for you, rascal!” Siwon smacked his head playfully. “And I’m sure it’s not for me. Isn’t it?” he added, throwing a meaningful look to Hyukjae.

His friends soon followed his guide and gazed at Hyoyeon and Hyukjae alternately with a very mischievous smile. But Hyoyeon’s gaze was on Hyukjae, whose eyes fixated on the flowers in her hand. He hadn’t said a single word to her as soon as he noticed the flowers Hyoyeon brought.

Hyoyeon’s face fell a bit with anxiety. Would he like it if Hyoyeon give the flowers to him?
“Hyukjae Oppa! This is for you!” a loud voice suddenly said, and in a moment Hyukjae’s hand already filled with two bouquets of flowers and two heads stood in front of him, blocking Hyoyeon’s way.

“Er, thank you.” Hyukjae said, surprised, and the two girls left, still yelling and shouting. The event earned Hyukjae big laugh from his friends, mocking him about him unexpectedly having fangirls, and unconsciously Hyoyeon had stiffened up. Was that what they would see her as? One of the fangirls?

She wouldn’t want that.

The hand which grasping the flowers was already wet with sweat, but Hyoyeon was still unmoved. The boys raised their eyebrows to her, unsure, and that was when Hyoyeon handed her flowers with a blank mind.

“This is for you, sunbae.” she said flatly; keeping her gaze to the ground. Donghae received the flower, extremely surprised. He exchanged gazes with Kyuhyun who was gaping at the flowers in Donghae’s hand.

“Er, for me?” he ensure, confused. Hyoyeon nodded, still looking down. After a few seconds she raised her head bravely and smiled to all of them.

“Good luck with college life.” she said with a fake cheerfulness

And not once, not even when she left, did she give another glance to Hyukjae anymore.

_____

Hyoyeon thought that she would forget about Hyukjae soon after he left, but it didn't happen. It had been seven years and the feeling remained.

And all Hyoyeon could do was wondering on how her life would turn out to be if she had given the flowers to Hyukjae. Would he reject her? And if he did, would she forget about him sooner, being satisfied by only telling him her real feelings?

Hyoyeon would never know.

And maybe the reunion would give her a chance to find out.

Hyoyeon got up, determined, and headed to her laptop. She stared at the invitation on the screen for a moment, gathering her courage, before clicking a button.

Attending.

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