He remembered her cursive scrawl across the small blue slip of paper.  He remembered the way the tail of her ‘G’ would form a loop and melt into the ‘o’ beside it. He remembered how it would continue on to the next ‘o’ after turning a sharp turn at its top then plunge down to the bottom to start on the ‘d’. He remembered, exactly, how the path of the black ink would continue, a path that reflected the thoughts of its broken author.

Six weeks. It had been six weeks of staring at the paper.

He had stared at it in denial, making himself believe that his elite-ShinHwa-trained-English was wrong. There was no way those words on the paper would have been interpreted the way he had. “Goodbye” did not mean farewell. “Goodbye” did not mean leaving. He was also sure that there was no way his name was spelt like that.

He had stared at it in anger. WooBin had repeated those words to him again and again. Yes, “Goodbye” meant that someone was leaving. JiHoo had said that “Goodbye” was uttered by someone who intended to leave, either temporarily or forever. Even JunPyo had retorted that, yes, his name was spelt Y-I-J-E-O-N-G. So ShinHwa was not an unqualified rotten school after all. Fine, so she wanted to leave? LEAVE! Leave and never come back!

He had stared at it in despair and rage. He had cleaned his table top of any pieces, sweeping them to the ground. Hurt welled in the pits of his stomach and he had broken down in tears so many times under his table, wretched.  He never slept. He only passed out from alcohol over-dose.

He had stared at it in hope and desperation. He had woken up from his heartbreak, realised what he had to do. He had pleaded with JanDi to tell him her whereabouts. He had pleaded again and again brushing aside her rejections as though he couldn’t understand her. Sometimes, JunPyo had to hold him back before he effectively clawed JanDi. He had pleaded with GaEul’s parents, only to be given the stink-eye. He had torn through Seoul, and Busan, and even KyeongGiDo, weaving through bars and shops and even kindergartens, even though he knew that a thousand and thirteen of WooBin’s men were out there doing the same thing, searching for her.

He had stared at it, pleadingly, wishing, oh, if he wished hard enough, that she would just come back to stand beside him again.

He remembered the way she had smiled at him as they cuddled under the sheets, his arms around her . The after-glow was clear on her face, and her eyes had shone with warmth, love, and, he realised later, heartache. He remembered how, that night, their skins singed when they touched each other, how their kisses were sweeter than the sweetest champagne, how they danced, most beautifully,  to a sinful rhythm. He remembered how colourful that night was, how sensual, how mesmerising, like two drops of coloured ink dropped into liquid water, swirling and weaving though each other.

He tightened his hold around the blue slip of paper crumpled and buried between his palm and fingers, running, faster, more desperate.

JanDi had called earlier, finally breaking after his constant pleas and feeling fed up about her constant fights with JunPyo. She told him, finally, or where GaEul was, or was going to be at. She told him that she was leaving for Kazakhstan, today at three. She told him at two fifteen. He had cursed at her and thanked her, and finally, he was at the airport.

He stood before row counters 8 and 9, searching left and right. Incheon being such a huge airport was such a sobering thought.

Whispers ensued as people began to recognise him, none of whom was GaEul.

JiHoo had gone to search the other side. WooBin was busy with a drug lord threatening to encroach on his turf and hurt his people and could not come. JunPyo was with JanDi at GaEul’s rented apartment, accompanying her as she packed up what little belongings she had left behind to be sent to her parents.

“GaEul, please,” he nearly sobbed, his voice straining with fear and desperation. He tried to call her. Her phone was switched off.

His phone rang.

“YiJeong, you might really find her. I heard that JaeKyung went to send her off, so she should still be hanging around outside the gates.

AAAARRRGHHH!!!!

WHAT?”

So YiJeong gripped his phone, his little inner beam of hope shining just that little bit brighter with JunPyo’s encouragement. But anxiety crept into his already nervous heart when he heard JanDi’s shrill.

He heard someone fumble with JunPyo’s phone and he heard the married couple argue, their words unclear and gabbled. Then JanDi screeeeeeeeeamed into his ear.

“SO YI JEONG YOU BLOODY BASTARD, YOU BETTER FIND HER OR I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND GORGE OUT YOUR EYES. ! SHE’S PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!

JanDi, stop it!”

Blood drained from his face. He couldn’t feel his fingers or his feet. GaEul… GaEul’s pregnant… with his child, he was sure of it. And right now, if he could not find her before the clock struck three, just like that, like a snap of the fingers, he would lose both, his woman and his child.

“Oh GaEul,” he breathed, with even more determination and strength he never thought he had, he ripped through the rows of counters, bent on finding the mother of his unborn child.

“GU JUNPYO, DON’T STOP ME! WHEN I SEE HIM NEXT, I WILL WRING HIS NECK. WHAT IS THIS SONOGRAM, WHAT IS THIS?”

He heard JanDi’s screams through the phone and heard JunPyo struggle to calm her.

He ran through rows 4 and 5.

“Oh my god, my GaEul. Why was I so STUPID? I’m a mother too and I couldn’t tell. If I never found this sonogram between the drawers, I would never have known! GaEul! JunPyo what are we going to do? Why is a pregnant lady going to Kazahkstan and leaving home? WHY WAS I SO STUPID?

It’s okay, JanDi, it’s okay.”

Tears streamed down YiJeong’s face. He imagined JunPyo clutching his sobbing wife close to his chest, comforting her. Why was he so stupid? He had to find GaEul. He had to.

After combing through rows 3, 2 and 1, he headed for the departure gates.

There he saw, JiHoo, hand on the shoulder of a long haired woman dressed in a pale beige pea coat. He could not see her face, but he was sure, she was the most important woman in his life. Besides, JaeKyung was standing right beside JiHoo.

He sped over, half in relief and half in nervousness.

“GaEul,” he blurted and spun her around.

Without a doubt, those clear eyes and pink lips were hers. She attempted to break away, but he simply hugged her, all his relief and love, poured into that one hug.

“So YiJeong, don’t,” GaEul said, her voice cracking, as she struggled to get away.

Phones had popped up all around them as people began to record the interesting scene before them.

“Ehem, you do know that you might get an invasion-of-privacy lawsuit handed to you if you have anything incriminating in your phone right?” JiHoo nonchalantly remarked as he played with his own smartphone.

Grimaces appeared and phones began to come down one by one. Those that remained up soon dropped to the floor when JaeKyung “accidentally” bumped into their owners.

“I’m sorry,” she replied after causing the ruckus, sending them all menacing smiles.

But So YiJeong did not even register all that. He had knelt onto the ground, GaEul’s hand firmly in his.

“GaEul, please,” he whimpered.

“YiJeong, let go,” she cried, her nose getting red and her eyes welling with tears.

“No, GaEul. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m sorry, I’ll fix it, just don’t leave me.”

“So YiJeong, don’t make me more confused! I don’t know what I am to you. I’m not your girlfriend, I’m not your wife, I’m not anything to you! I’m just your friend who… who plays with you, whom you play with… but you’re suddenly so nice to me and I’m so confused, because you can’t be nice to me, you don’t love me, I can’t love you. If I love you, I’m just hurting myself with this one-sided relationship and I don’t want to hurt myself. Whenever I ask you what I am to you, you just hem and haw and I just get so confused and I DON’T KNOW! I just don’t know what I am to you-”

“You’re the mother of my child.”

GaEul’s eyes widened in shock and she stood there, stunned. Gasps were heard around them and JaeKyung even let out a high pitched “WHAT?”. JiHoo looked up from his phone, surprised.

“W-what? Who told you that?”

“JanDi”

“You weren’t supposed to know that! At least, not yet,” GaEul snatched her hands away from his grasp. “I don’t want you coming to me just because you have to take responsibility of the baby. Just- just let me go and think it through.”

GaEul turned to leave, her passport in her hand but YiJeong turned her right back. He put his hands on either side of her forearms, making her face him straight on.

“You’re my everything, that’s what you are to me.”

GaEul frowned, skeptical.

“You don’t know how I’ve lived the last six weeks, but believe me when I say I need you and I love you and I’m sorry I was an insecure jerk who played around with you and I came here not knowing you were with my child and I just cannot let you go again,” YiJeong rattled. “GaEul, I’m sorry I made you so confused because I was so confused, but now I know what you are to me. You… you are… I mean, you are… you are my soulmate.”

GaEul frowned at the last word he had uttered and YiJeong cringed at what he had just said but he was sure that she was nothing short of important to him.

GaEul took a deep breath, letting her fingers run through her hair.

“I don’t know,” she said, her breath ragged. “Just give me time to think. Let me go this once.”

“GaEul-”

“Dude, she’s coming back. She has parents to take care of here in Korea you know,” JaeKyung piped up.

“What? So she wasn’t going to leave forever?” JiHoo asked.

“Who said anything about her leaving forever?”

“JanDi made it sound like she was leaving for good!”

“HA! JanDi’s just a huge drama-mamma.”

“Damn, I got scammed.”

“So, you’re not leaving for good?” YiJeong asked tentatively.

“No. I just wanted to go somewhere quiet to think. About the baby and what I was going to do. I just found out about the baby too,” GaEul confirmed.

“Don’t think, just come to me. I’ll take responsibility for you,” YiJeong urged.

“No, I need time to register all that you’ve said. Give me time alone. I’ll return.”

“Then- then I’ll go with you.”

“You can’t. I have to be alone. I need to sort all these out. YiJeong, just let me go this once. Then I’ll return with an answer.”

“But GaEul,” YiJeong began to protest, but was stopped by JiHoo’s hand on his shoulder. He realised he had to let her think for herself. He had to let her come willingly to him and for that, she had to be sure, of what she is to him, what he is to her and she had to come to terms with their roller-coaster-like relationship.

“O-okay,” he breathed, letting her hands go. “I’ll pick you up. I’ll come when you’re back.”

GaEul looked at him an unreadable expression on her face, perhaps a sign of the thousands of different feelings wrecking through her system all at once. Then she smiled, a small smile but a smile nonetheless, and nodded.

“I’ll be back next Sunday at 8.30 pm,” GaEul whispered.

“I’ll be here,” YiJeong replied then hugged her.

When she hugged back, he began to relax, taking it as a sign that she was keen to return to his side and live with him and their unborn child. His grasp relaxed and the blue slip of paper fell from his hand.

Goodbye, YiJeong.

When she left to go, she unknowingly stepped on the blue sheet, pressing it under her heel.

******************************************

“Dude, next time you look for a person at the airport, always start with the departure gate. All travellers have to pass through that one gate,” JiHoo remarked, putting a hand on YiJeong’s shoulder as they walked out into the spring air of Seoul.

“Hey, give the man a break. He was so desperate and out of his mind. Heh, I didn’t know you had it in you, YiJeong-ssi,” JaeKyung stifled a laugh.

“And maybe next time, when you know that someone’s with her, call the ‘someone’ if she doesn’t pick up her phone.”

“Hey, you didn’t call me either.”

“I didn’t have to. You were so obvious with your bright red coat.”

“Urgh, I am in early spring colours okay.”

“I never said it didn’t look good on you.”

“Thank you.”

“Your hair looks nice today.”

“You do know that you’re flirting with your best friend’s girlfriend right?”

“Whatever, as long as he’s not here.” JiHoo replied flippantly.

“My boyfriend will hunt you down with his thirteen thousand men, okay. And he has lots of money too, so you can’t get away.” JaeKyung childishly retorted.

“Ha, is he just that to you? Thirteen thousand men and money?” JiHoo mocked jokingly.

*Gasp* “Don’t insult the relationship between WooBin and me! You know he’s more than that to me!” JaeKyung harrumphed, totally put off.

“Guys, can you not? I just went to hell and back because of that stupid question,” YiJeong grumped as he sniffed.