Guilty
A Marriage with Exo's SuhoSullhee's P.O.V
I woke up because of the bright rays of sunlight on my face.
I went to the bathroom only to find my eyes puffy.
I sighed and went under the covers again.
I looked at my phone and since i set it on silent, i didnt know someone was calling.
3 New Messages from Mama
203 New Messages from THE CHEATING BASTARD
10 Missed calls from Mama
5 Missed Calls from Baba
245 Missed calls from THE CHEATING BASTARD
Big numbers i see there. But i dont care.
I slammed the phone on the desk and started sulking.
After sleeping for five hours, Hyomi woke me up saying my mom was here to see me.
I sat on the bed expecting my mom but guess who came.
THE CHEATING LYING BASTARD.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" I exclaimed.
"Sullhee please, just listen." Suho begged.
"I DONT ING WANT TO." i said, not even looking at him.
"I swear Sullhee, it was just a misunderstanding! It wasnt like that--"
"Suho. Just go. I dont want to see you anymore okay? It hurts." i said crying in front of him.
He took a step forward wanting to comfort me but i flinched as he got closer.
He probably noticed that since he stepped away.
"I'll leave. For now. But I wont give up until you hear me out Choi Sullhee." he said as he closed the door.
Seeing him made it worst.
I couldnt breather because of the tightening of my chest.
I cried and cried because it seemed like it was the only way for me to actually pour it out.
I didnt want to see him. I didnt even want to talk to him or even hear his voice.
The images were enough to prove that he was ACTUALLY there.
And he didnt even show any sign that he was forced into it.
I cant do this.
But even though i wasnt ready to talk or see him yet.
It hurts me, what he's doing, it really does.
Guilt fills my entire body everytime he would send me a messade asking if i ate already.
He'd even call Hyomin and ask what i ate.
She told me he said i should always eat vegetables with my meat.
She told me Suho asked her if she could make seaweed soup for me.
She told me Suho asks her what time i sleep everynight.
She told me Suho always calls her to check up on me.
I told myself,
Choi Sullhee. You're stupid.
I realized i didnt even give him a chance to explain.
My mind replayed the acene where Suho came.
And it always focuses on his face.
I couldnt help but feel guilty.
I felt guilty because i didnt notice how hurt he looked.
I felt guilty because i didnt notice his voice shaking when he talked to me.
I felt guilty because i didnt notice tha water on hi eyes that time.
And most of all i felt guilty because I didregarded his feelings.
I hate myself.
How could i just practically throw away a guy like Suho?
Why did i just have to think about myself?
What Suho did was wrong.
No.
What Jae Jung did was wrong.
What i did was wrong.
I cried.
I cried not because i hated Suho.
I dont hate him.
I sure as hell wont hate him.
I LOVE HIM. With all my heart I do.
And i just let go of him.
I shouldnt have even thought of him cheating on me.
I know he wouldnt cheat on me.
it because i know he loves me.
I cried because i was so stupid to have let him walk out that door.
I went to my parents' house.
I still had the spare keys and since they're in Germany, the house was quiet.
What I needed the most right now.
Silence.
I sat in the middle of the big empty living room.
Everything was dark and i refused to turn on the lights.
I sat there, indian seated and thought about no one but Suho.
When we first met, i thought he was an angel.
“You dropped this.” He said I turned to find Suho holding out my book.
“Ah… thanks.” I said.
He was showing a half smile.
The way the sun shone on on his face that day took me in awe.
Then he showed me another side i didnt expect.
Suho, who just got here looking all lax said, “Why would i?”
What?
“What?!” they exclaimed.
“Why would i? she’s not my concern, plus, I’m not Kai’s father to order him around.” He said in coldness.
“Suho!” someone exclaimed.
“I don’t really care. I’m sorry D.O., you can stop him if you want.” Suho said then walked away.
I thought he was nice and friendly and all. But he’s not.
Come to think of it I never saw the cold Suho after we started living together.
“A marriage with the two of you.” The man said.
“Father have you gone crazy?!” Suho exclaimed.
“Oho! Watch that tone of yours.” His father said.
“Omma, what… what does he mean?” I asked my mother.
“Well, You’re getting married.” She said.
“But, this cant be. Andueyo. Shiroyo. I don’t want to!” I said.
“Sullhee. You will do what youre told alright?” my father said in Chinese.
“But--”
“You will do as youre told.” He said again more firmly.
“What about my career? Surely they wont allow this.” Suho said.
“They already did. They said it would help increase votes on EXO if they use the marriage as a secret that will be revealed once EXO ranks number 1.” His mom said.
“well we’ll leave you kids to get along.” My dad said and all of them left us.
It was awkward. Really awkward.
“Did you plan this?” he asked.
“No.” I said point blank.
“I don’t believe you.” He said.
“Then don’t.” I said.
During the time when i was trapped inside the pantry.
I winced at the memory.
It was scary yet also a good memory.
He carried my frail and shaking body into our house and lay me on the bed.
He covered me with the blanket and kissed my forehead.
He stood up but I pulled on my shirt.
“Don’t go. Please. Don’t leave me. Please stay. Don’t leave me.” I begged.
He looked at her tear stained face.
He slid under the covers and hugged my frail and still shaking body as I buried my face on his chest again.
He kissed my head and said, “I wont leave. I’ll stay here, by your side, as long as you want me to.”
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