I ' m Y o u r s

p a r t - o n e ; 

fragments.

“Don’t be stupid” Zitao’s father reminds him constantly – “be smart, think ahead.”

He wants to refuse, curtly saying Zitao does not think before he does something. He does things, than regrets what he has done.

“Listen to your father” his mother scolds, and his head hangs lower and lower, “we know what’s best for you.”

He doesn’t honestly think they do, they can’t even remember his name sometimes, how should they know what’s best for him?

“I know” he echoes from training – not from truth; who would actually believe two separate people know what’s better for them than their actual selves?

“Good” his father says, and his mother has her arm around her husbands as they walk off.

“Think ahead” Zitao repeats, his hands curling into fist, “I’ve thought ahead.”

But thinking ahead never does Zitao any good – Zitao can’t think ahead, he always feels like he’s trapped in the same time, time repeating itself over and over, his parents telling him often; think, Zitao, THINK.

“Think ahead?” Zitao’s cousin asks, leaning against the door frame.

Zitao’s head jolts up and he stares at Kris, his older cousin by two full years, Kris is a handsome 10 year old – he’s the pride of the family with his good grades, amazing voice and looks.

Kris is the pride of the City, honestly. Kris is a genius, a model, and above all the perfect child.

Something Zitao will never be.

“Ah, nothing” Zitao says, eyes reflecting envy, he hates Kris.

It’s childish, and Kris has never been anything less than nice – but he hates him, hates him so passionately.

He keeps those thoughts all night, pacing back and forth on his fluffy red carpet as he stares outside his window, at the fogged streets of China, and he wonders what freedom taste like –

That night, Zitao runs away from his pristine rich home.

It takes a mere two days for Kris’ family to track Zitao down.

The whole city looks for the black haired child – everyone, prizes and rewards all over the walls of the city, Zitao had tried to hide; he had grabbed scarfs and wrapped his face up.

He’s found though, by none other than his stupid prefect cousin.

“Tao” It’s the nickname his cousin has always used on him “why are you hiding?” Kris asks softly, waving off his father’s guards to wait outside the alley.

“Escape” Zitao whispers, flinching away from Kris when the older boy sits beside him, “I wanted to escape.”

“From?”

And Zitao looks up, black beady eyes outlined with black circles, wide, wide like the moon.

“You” he mouths; and Kris brings him home.

He runs away again when he’s 9 and Kris is 11; this time though, Kris doesn’t find him.

No one does.

Zitao disappears from everyone’s sight, and Zitao wonders how he’s gotten away with it only this time.

Cause he’s been unnoticed his whole life, suddenly he’s gone, and suddenly everyone wants to notice him, so they can be noticed by Kris – the pride of their city.

He would’ve been found – 4 days into hiding, cops all over the city, Kris’ voice screaming down alley’s, his father making announcements – it’s chaos, the city is thrown into chaos.

But he’s not, and he doesn’t stop with hiding in trash cans and squishing his body in the oddest of ways to fit into tight holes and cracks, he goes to the bad part of town, and there’s cops there too (and Zitao realizes that everyone has disappeared, no night walkers, no pimps, no one).

“Why are you hiding from yourself, boy?” An old man asks softly, and Zitao jumps up, back quickly pressing against a tree as he draws a knife he had found in the garbage. The old man just smiles, “well?” He urges, and Zitao frowns.

“I’m not hiding from myself, I’m hiding from other’s.”

“No” the old man corrects, “those who hide from other’s really have something to hide from themselves, so boy, what are you hiding from yourself?”

I…

Hate, him.

I hate Kris.

But he thinks that’s stupid, because why would he hide that from himself when he already knows that?

“Nothing” Zitao grumbles, and the old man laughs loudly into the night air.

“Really now?” he says, “well child, would you like to find yourself?”

Zitao looks up;

“All I need is your name.”

“Zi… Tao, Tao,” he repeats “my name is Tao.”

The old man smiles, the wrinkles beside his eyes becoming more prominent.

When Zitao turns 13, the city stops looking for him,

No, more correctly, they stop looking for Zitao.

Tao had long ago abandoned his search in finding ‘Zitao,’, too. He much prefers Tao – the strong martial arts child who trains under the head master of the temple, Tao is a boy who does not need to think of unnecessary things like what he should wear to appeal to his parents, what he should do to escape Kris he –

He can breathe.

His master never really asks where he comes from, and Tao has always had a feeling that his master knows but chooses not to point it out.

Tao is friends with the other children, a boy named Lay (Lay had run away too – fed up with his parents abuse, though, Tao never remembers Kris looking for a boy named Lay). He meets Nickhun, a boy who was sold to China, but really came from Thailand – he meets Hangeng, an 18 year old with too many wrinkles, and too many worries.

He hears stories about Hangeng the most though, mostly stories everyone else frowns upon – about how Hangeng has an affair with Heechul, a boy whom just came recently, and is a bit too old to learn Wushu properly and he doesn’t really make an effort, Tao doesn’t really like Heechul, honestly – he’s scared of him.

Heechul kind of reminds him of a King, strong spoken and not willing to step off his throne, for anyone. But maybe Hangeng. Even worse, Heechul doesn’t know how to speak Chinese, so whenever they’re alone Heechul always tries to force him to learn Korean (though Tao wonders why, shouldn’t Heechul learn Chinese instead?) But he doesn’t argue, because Hangeng will scold him later if he does, and he sits, and listens, and he thinks sometimes – he does learn something.

He learns that everyone here is just lonely.

When he turns 16, face shape different, eyes stronger and more determined, he finally sets foot back into the village, accepting his master’s wish for him too ‘blend with society’.

Apparently spending unhealthy hours with Heechul won’t do him any good, even Lay, who tries not to put his nose into anyone’s business, has started to worry.

He skims small shops, small trinkets, and food items that he’d like to try (but knows he won’t), he passes by his old house, and Kris’, he goes to an fashion shop – not all that surprised when he found that Kris’ face is plastered everywhere.

(He left that shop later with a bitter taste in his mouth).

“Excuse me” a deep voice says from beside him, and Tao has long realized that this male has been staring at him for a long time, that’s why he decided to stay at this coffee shop – to see where this would go.

Though he wasn’t expecting to run into Kris,

“Are you…” his voice dies, and Tao looks up, mouth going dry when he realizes he’s looking into the eyes of his cousin (“they like him much better than me, anyways.”) “…Tao?”

Tao doesn’t blink – and he feels a bit  revolted with himself when his eyes sting from unshed tears – because it , having all his childish hate boil up at once after he had such a long, long time to suppress it.

“Tao” Hangeng calls out, eyes curious and narrowed. Tao waits a second before standing.

“Ge, sorry, did you find it?” He asks softly, walking briskly past Kris (quickly, get away, his mind heeds, knowing any longer and –)

“Tao” Kris calls out again, voice sounding much more hoarse than the last time, “Tao, come back here!” He hollers, snatching his wrist and tugging him a step backwards.

“Please let go” he says, suddenly feeling like Zitao, the child no one really listened too – the child who had no power, none. “Hangeng-gege is waiting for me.”

He can sense Hangeng walking towards them, and Tao is smart enough to know things will turn ugly, and he doesn’t think Kris’ ego can take getting beaten up so easily.

“Tao, you need to return home, it’s been 7 years Tao,”

“Kris” Tao says, cutting him off, “let go, or else I’ll make you let go.” Maybe he wants to prove he’s not Zitao, the boy that went missing 7 years ago – cause he’s not, he’s Tao, the teen that is powerful, strong, and now knows Korean.

He’s different than he was before.

“Oh really, how?” Kris sneers, and Tao doesn’t hesitate when he grabs Kris’ wrist and flips the other over in a fluid motion, knowing either he did it, or Hangeng did it. And honestly, he’s sure Kris would prefer his pride taken by him than Hangeng.

“Tao, we have to leave here, you’ve caused a scene.” Hangeng hisses in warning, tugging Tao’s forearm to drag him through the crowd – and Tao looks at Kris one more time, on the floor, eyes focused right on him as he runs again,

He runs away from Kris a third time.

“Where have you been?” Heechul asks the moment they enter the house again, surprisingly enough, in Chinese, “I made dinner, but ate it all.”

“Thanks” Hangeng says sarcastically, and Tao is blinking at the pretty Korean male dumbly.

“You speak Chinese?”

“He always has” Hangeng says, picking up a bowl of rice and stretching his legs “he just prefers Korean for some reason.”

“I should keep my native language” Heechul rebuts quickly with, and Tao slightly smiles.

And he realizes – Heechul is trying to hold onto his old life.

And he wonders if Hangeng sees it too, the way Heechul looks at the gates, how his gaze lingers seconds too long.

And then maybe, the rumors about them aren’t true.

Cause one would never abandon the person they love.

So, he thought.

It happens one day, not Heechul, but Hangeng runs away, a detailed note full of apologies and how he needs to find his mother – he doesn’t say sorry to anyone, actually, the letter is written in Korean, and Tao realizes that the letter wasn’t for his eyes, but only for Heechul’s.

No one says goodbye, and the master merely smiles at the note when he sees it.

“He will return” Tao’s master says, his heart always in the right place. But Tao doesn’t think so, he watches as Heechul cries – broken loud echoed sobs into the cold air, no one comforts him, cause one must face their darkness on their own.

It’s the only way to survive lately.

Heechul doesn’t let his gaze linger on the gates anymore, merely, he sits in front of them –

And waits.

Tao is forbidden from going into the city until he grows a bit older, because after his last encounter – his master refused to let Tao wander around to aimlessly get attacked like that.

He doesn’t mind, he passes his time following Lay around – having realized that Heechul no longer bothers to talk, silence was always the one thing Heechul had troubles with, but now, he doesn’t speak at all.

When Tao isn’t following Lay around, he’s watching Heechul watch the gates, and Tao wonders at those moments what it’d be like if Kris found his way through those gates – wide out-stretched arms, his beautiful face lighten up by the mere sight of Tao –

Tao decides to stop waiting by the gate with Heechul, because merely, he thinks too much. 

A/N: uh, well.

The next chapter will have a lot more Kris and a lot less Heechul. Its just for the plot to be formed, this was needed.